Dating : Make Him Pay Your Way

Does he really care about you if he’s not putting out?

“Money is a feminist issue — and yet, women are still reluctant to talk about it.”

I’m always baffled to hear women admit they’re afraid to ask their partners for money. They’re afraid they haven’t known him long enough, feel embarrassed for appearing they need it, or don’t want to feel they’re burdening him.

I know not all women have the confidence to talk about money with men or know how but ignoring or downplaying the importance of it is always a mistake.

I don’t have any qualms regarding this subject so expressing my interest in and need for money is as simple as asking upfront. And walking away if I’m made to feel I’m not worth it.

Why should I be embarrassed or feel like a leech about telling a man who clearly wants me that I expect his help with some things? Whether I can take care of myself or not is beside the point. For me it’s about respect and him putting his money where his mouth his.

I don’t want kisses, hugs, food, empty words, and babies I’ll likely raise alone at some point. I want what matters most to me and what’s becoming more and more elusive for women in this country — having the financial security and freedom to make my life easier.

I refuse to date a man who feels burdened helping with that.

If I’m gonna make time to give a man the companionship and love he wants, I’m gonna need some weight lifted off me to do so.

And despite what broke misogynists on social media say, I don’t subscribe to the idea that I need to earn a man’s love and respect before he opens his wallet for me. The second he shows interest and wants to take up my time is the moment he starts paying for the things I need and want. It’s not golddigger behavior, it’s “I respect myself to see that I’m taken care of” behavior.

Besides, what does earning a man’s love and respect entail?

Doing whatever he says and giving him what he wants until he feels I’m worth more?

I don’t think so. I’ve seen that movie too many times and it always ends the same — the woman exhausts herself trying to be and do everything for him, burns out, and is left with nothing. She becomes more and more jaded about dating/marrying and stays mad at herself for never getting the treatment she wanted.

A common rebuke for men who are against paying bills for women they aren’t married to is, “I’m not her father.”

As though helping a woman they like somehow diminishes her worth or proves she’s lazy. Only in a bum’s mind does touting himself as everything he shouldn’t be for a woman make sense.

Men take care of their daughters. Why wouldn’t a woman expect her love interest (even if temporary) to do the same?

I’m not advocating total dependency on men but merely stating it’s possible to have a non abusive, non obligatory relationship with someone who takes care of you.

This is important because a lot of men feel they should only care for you if they think you deserve it. Some keep tabs on what they’ve spent so they can throw it in your face later and the worst leave you with nothing at your most vulnerable.

These are clearly not the kind of men you want to be involved with.

His money doesn’t mean he gets to control you. I’ve been with men who understood that and those who didn’t.

Guess which ones I dumped?