Dating : Why He Keeps Disappearing from Your Life

Relationships develop differently and in their own timing. Some are hot and heavy from the start and some simmer over time, but what about those that seem to fizzle without warning?

There are times during a relationship that you feel everything is as near perfect as they can be when the unthinkable happens — He stops calling. Those long talks have been replaced with a deafening silence. Your calls to him go unanswered even after leaving a number of messages on his answering machine. Worse still, the time you have spent together has faded to no contact for days, weeks and in some cases months. Then just as suddenly as he disappeared he pops back up again. You begin to notice that this is becoming a recurring pattern or cycle of some kind and you just cannot understand what is going on. You start asking yourself the questions: What happened? What did I do wrong? Was I too overbearing? Did I not show enough affection or did I show too much affection? Did I talk too much or not enough?

The answer may not lie with you at all. In fact, it may have absolutely nothing to do with you. You may have been exactly what was needed in the relationship. The issue may all be within him.

People are quite complex. After all, we are emotional beings and at times, emotions can be scary. This is particularly true if there are past issues that have not been dealt with or resolved. Such may be the case of the man that disappears and reappears like Houdini in and out of your life.

I remember this guy that I had been seeing for a while saying to me that I was a dangerous woman. He went on to say that I was the type of woman that a man could easily fall in love with and that made me dangerous. My eyes crossed because I thought that was the purpose of developing a relationship with a man — to fall in love and be each other’s champion and support in life. He said that men are not out there looking for love and being hurt anymore. He went on to say that I should not change a thing and that there was a ‘man’ out there for me. Needless to say, I was baffled. It would be many years later before I understood what he was trying to tell me as this familiar pattern surfaced.

Men often retreat when they find themselves becoming close or vulnerable with a woman especially if it triggers a memory of past pain. Here’s the thing — it does not necessarily have to have been a love interest. It could have been the loss of a dear friend or family member. If the loss was sudden or happened during a time when something special was planned and could not be realized because the person died there is the feeling that there is no closure. As a result of this, any relationship where this man starts to experience these familiar feelings he becomes uncomfortable. He retreats. He withdraws. He is not pulling away from you although you are feeling the effects, he is actually trying to protect himself and put himself in check until he is able to move forward again. His purpose is not to alienate you. He is trying to not lose control of himself. He would rather deal with distance than have to deal with a perceived loss.