Dating : Why I’ve Given up Having Sex Without a Commitment (mostly…)

It was our first official date.

This is not new for me. People generally view me with a sense of levity. I am fun and full of energy. I am caring, will listen to you, and empathize. Because I’ve had a hard life and I’ve been through things, I understand that life is hard and people go through things! But sometimes those same people don’t behave responsibly with their trauma and it goes unaddressed. And with my brightness, gentle nature, and easy going attitude, melting the noise of obligation to nothing, they relax and let go. Out of all that goo, something else emerges: the lazy lover who wishes to wallow in their mediocrity, all while experiencing the very best of ME. In short, I give the “Girlfriend Experience” without even being aware of it and they do not reciprocate in kind. Oddly enough, I felt like all the stories I read about Sochi.

Remember what happened to Sochi, that sweet little Russian gem of a town, in the 2014 Olympics? Well let me refresh your memory: It was the biggest, brightest Olympics and by far the most expensive. It was like being at the most extravagant, most wild, most incredulous party every day! The visitors ate, they drank and were very, VERY merry. Sochi welcomed them with open legs, I mean arms, and showed them all the best time they had ever seen! And then? They left. They left as quickly as they had come and they left behind their crap. They brought with them problems Sochi never even had! The Games all but destroyed *an entire ecosystem* of rare birds and animals. The effects would ripple through the communities in Sochi for years to come. But those visitors went on living their best lives in their home countries with incredible memories and stories. Most blissfully oblivious to the destruction they had hand in, while others closer to the top (ie organizers, stakeholders etc) didn’t even care. It’s 2020 and Sochi still ain’t the same. That’s the story of Sochi.

This is exactly why I am not dating or having casual sex outside of a commitment anymore. It’ll be a long road to that commitment because perhaps the part of me that feels compelled to help others in this way, is still a part of me in need of assistance. I know I can be as good to myself as I have been to others. It’s time to start.