Dating : The Biggest Dating Mistake of All Time

I had known Sam for more than a month now and we had been on 2 dates- both of which went really well. I was honestly looking forward to seeing him the third time but something felt amiss. We didn’t text a lot or call each other much- and it sure seemed like I was getting way less attention than I’m used to. But that couldn’t be it.

While making plans for our next date and chit-chatting in general over texts, Sam told me he was watching “The Office” and asked me who my favourite character was. I quickly googled and said Micheal as that was the top search result. He said his favourite was Dwight and he asked me if I continued to watch the show after Micheal left and I said I didn’t. But the truth? I have never watched that show barring a few random snippets here and there; and I didn’t know who Micheal was and why he left and what happened before or after that.

I also agreed on accompanying him for drinks on our next date when I’m not much of a drinker. I also admitted to sharing his love for Sushi. It was post that text- sesh that I realised that the biggest mistake I was doing was not being myself- just to come across as more likeable.

I looked around and realised at some level a lot of my friends who had seemingly healthy relationships were doing this. In fact, a lot of them attributed these little white lies as the key ingredient of their successful relationship. For instance, one of my friend’s husbands isn’t aware of her shopping addiction. Another example? My friend Sasha’s girlfriend doesn’t know he smokes. Also, my friend Naina’s boyfriend believes that she loves watching Marvel movies when she can barely stay awake through those.

All this made me question- is being different so repelling? What happened to opposites attract? Why couldn’t I just be myself with Sam? I certainly was being myself with this other guy that I liked- I could tell him I don’t like sauce with my fries and I could admit to not liking the taste of the cake that he liked. I could also tell him exactly what I didn’t want to eat and yet with Sam I was ready to stomach Sushi and pretend to smile? What was wrong with me? Did I like Sam way too much and was pretending out of fear of not messing it? Or did I not like him enough to be myself? Or was I not comfortable in my own skin?

The reason didn’t matter- what mattered was that I wasn’t giving Sam a chance to get to know me better- the real me. And the more alarming question was- till when could it go on like this? Till when would I have to be caged in this alternate personality I had created- the one that likes sushi, watches ‘The Office’ and likes to drink? So I decided to come clean to Sam- and I told him how I preferred my Diet Coke to something alcoholic and watched reruns of Friends when I was bored or needed a pick-me-up.

Result? He appreciated me opening up and for our third date we are thankfully not going to a Japanese restaurant for Sushi! So here’s my two cents- when and if you do like someone- try to be yourself- for your own sake and for the sake of building something that lasts. It might be hard, but it’s the only way to build something meaningful and be comfortable with each other.