Dating : Finding Myself

Finding Myself

It was a happy morning. Getting up and twirling through the morning in bliss, my brains for no reason started to play me the good old times with my ex-boyfriend.

“Great,” I thought, “Just the very thing I need this morning. What is wrong with me?” It had been two years since the apparent ghosting ended. I had to face the reality. It was traumatic and affected most of my judgements towards any relationship. I started seeing everything as temporary attachment. Nothing or noone could make me feel blessed or attracted towards them.

This was a phase of breakup nobody told me about. It sounds peculiar when I say, I’m in a relationship with a man and I still find fragments of my past relationship bounce around my head sometimes. It took me awhile to understand that it is not going away ever. I decided I had to live with my memories.

The more I thought about him, the more I thanked him for leaving me to build myself and become stronger — a woman I am today. Years of selflessness and constant criticism had turned me into something I was not. Apparantly, I wasn’t good enough. Well, nobody is a saint in a relationship. But it was necessary for me to understand the kind of person I was becoming. I had to stop and listen to myself for once. Doing that, I lost him.

Relationships and breakups can teach you so many things you never knew about yourself. My breakup taught me that I was strong, funny, well-deserved, a little lazy but a dedicated woman of passion who needed to stop relying on my then boyfriend’s compliments and verdicts.

Once I understood this, there was no turning back. I had found myself and was not going to give up on that.

Relationships are hard. But they are always worth it. Worth knowing you. Worth the freedom you choose. Worth every decision you make for you and only you.