Dating : Keep it in the Family

Sue eventually found out that sex with her ‘parents’ was abnormal.

This time, they made love twice. She hated him for it. She hated all men. For good reason. And most people. She was self-centred, and at times, extremely aggressive. Her psychiatrist told her it was a normal ‘side effect’ for non-compliant bipolar people. Sue was totally non-compliant, hating the ‘fuzzy feeling’ in her head when she took Lithium medication.

In her teens, as a trainee landscape gardener, her adopted father insisted she learn a trade and ‘work for her supper’, she grew lithe and naturally muscular – powerful, with not an ounce of fat on her torso. She worked hard, and learned to love gardening work, the outdoors – she felt a sense of freedom. The hard manual work shutting out the myriad of thoughts running through her overactive bipolar mind. Her days in the sun had turned her Mediterranean olive complexion quite dark. Her father, himself a qualified landscape gardener, “tutored” her and pushed her, expecting her to do “anything a man could do” in the landscaping business.

Sue was older now, alone and nearing 30. She met him at a club and still didn’t know his name, but she was using that landscaping strength and physicality now, in bed! She had verbally abused him, and unlike the others, he smiled wickedly and kept coming back for more. Sue was intrigued, she ended up at his place that evening. She was back at his place the following weekend, she could not explain the attraction but found herself drawn to his equally destructive nature. She despised her weakness.

Her big brown eyes seething with lusty fire, they clashed together like two Wildebeest, desperately competing for dominance. They hardly ever spoke – clawing, scratching, biting, thrusting. Neither giving an edge. Angrily she felt herself begin to orgasm. Why? Why was this man able to do this to her?

Half an hour later, they were at it again, sore, bloody but this time the lovemaking was more gentle, rhythmic, all-consuming. Neither had spoken or touched during the interval. There was no need. It was about satisfying urges, nothing more. She bled slightly from her upper lip, the blood trickling down across her perspiration flecked breast. He had welts on his chest and a bite mark on his trapezius that had brought blood to the surface of the skin. His back was scratched and oozing.

She began a new climb to orgasm, elated and simultaneously in denial, was this really happening? Both their hips pumping harder now, and she hated him for this. No man had been able to satisfy her for ages. Sex for her had become a game. A source of power. A way to right the wrongs of her past. Her objective – to hurt. To manipulate. But this was different, she wasn’t in control. Her breathing deepened, she turned away, unable to look at him, she loathed him for what he was capable of, she stared into the bedside cupboard mirror and watched the mirror mimic their movements, recording the heaving union of this primal “thing”, this mating. Meanwhile he was looking down at her, his eyes remained fixed on hers, mocking. Somehow he understood the effect he was having on her, it spurred him on.

The mirror reflected the “Snap Chat” moments of delicious ecstasy … of her losing control. All she could think about was smashing that mirror into tiny shards. And then using the shards to disfigure him. To hurt him. She’d used her beautiful body to capture men, to gain control. Never for pleasure – not for her anyway. A tear formed and ran down to the crumpled bed sheets. She gasped and tightened her thigh grip, her legs wrapped around his muscular smooth torso. Her ankles fastened together hard behind his back. She lifted her pelvis to meet his and she came, shaking gently.

He came a stroke later, she could feel his fluid deep inside her. He let out a moan followed by a short laugh. She hated that laugh more than she despised him or cumming. It was his victory chuckle. “Another one conquered”. She knew he saw it that way. For a moment they lay still, exhausted, sweaty and wet on each other. Bodies touching in a love embrace from toes to chest. He absentmindedly ground and squirmed his body against hers. She liked it. The feel of skin on skin. She HATED the fact she liked it. They’d never kissed on the lips. Sue didn’t do intimate.

Her lust satisfied, her fog began clearing and she took back control of her emotions. She was still looking at the mirror. He was still looking at her, mockingly.

He rolled off and lay next to her on the bed. Both purposely not touching now that the urge had been satiated. Still no words spoken. Both deep in thought. She rose from the bed and showered, needing to remove him from her. Sue left the house without returning to THAT room — to him. She didn’t trust herself in his company right now. She drove off, thinking of her last sexual encounter with a man.

She was a 14-year old girl. A naïve country girl from a messed up family. Suicide, incest, drugs, alcohol – you name it, she’d seen it, been a part of it, it was her life. She was the result of a drunken sexual fling between her grandfather and mother. Yes, it was that sort of family. Her grandfather was her dad, but she had no idea.

After her twin brother committed suicide, her mother spoke to her through her drunken haze.

“I need to get you out of this mess,” she confided to Sue.

Her mother was not that far gone that she couldn’t see the wrong in all this, which in itself was quite something – a promiscuous ‘drug addicted’ drunken mother wasn’t exactly optimal for passing on and teaching the life skills enabling weaker mortals to cope with this shit. In this family, there was a lot to cope with. Her brother couldn’t cope! He’d walked in on his mother giving head to a crooked policeman. She was on her knees, “blowing him” for a small stash of drugs he’d confiscated earlier in the day. He couldn’t stop watching, yet was disgusted, she didn’t stop either, long past the point of caring. He just stood there and quietly vomited down his shirt front, tears rolling down his cheeks. His mother didn’t break rhythm.

He had argued with his mom once the policeman left, trying to make sense of it all. “Why”? He kept shouting. “Why do you allow yourself to do this?” But by now the newly acquired drugs had taken over his mom’s mind and she was offering herself to her 14-year old son in a macabre half naked dance in the kitchen. Laughing uncontrollably in a stupor of cheap wine and bad drugs. She didn’t even know what the drugs were, or what she was doing, it really didn’t matter. The escape to anywhere was better than her reality.

Two days later, clearly unable to get this latest visual out of his mind, he blew his brains out all over the same kitchen table his mother had propositioned him on. That table had seen some stuff.

Whilst cleaning up the bloody mess of her brother, her mother matter-of-factly stated, “Sue, I think we should put you up for adoption. or you’ll end up the same way”. It had a ring of truth to it, three of the family had committed suicide. Sue said nothing, she was in shock, too busy wiping up pieces of her brother’s head off the kitchen floor. Unable to process … unable to cry. Cleaning this was somehow all that mattered, it felt cathartic.

Her mother’s landlord, a wealthy German property owner, often got part of his ‘rent’ paid, with sex, if Sue’s mom was a bit short. While a hard life and alcohol had not been kind to Sue’s mom on the inside, she was still spectacularly beautiful and just 31 year old, on the outside. She’d birthed Sue and her now deceased twin brother at 16, having been raped by her father at 15. Money was often in short supply and since her actual husband had committed suicide, she struggled to make ends meet. Like a mother “hen” she did try to provide and keep the family together, strangely it was the only thing that mattered to her, all the extended family stayed with her. On good days, it could even seem normal to a casual observer. One big happy family – grandparents, some cousins and the children and animals. Stray dogs and cats fighting over food scraps in the yard made up the rest of this menagerie.

61 year old ‘Landlord Kurt’, as they called him, had offered to adopt Sue “to help”. Inwardly he loved her Latin looks. Outwardly it was all about giving her ‘a better life’. Bigger opportunities. He would teach her to be a landscape gardener in his gardening company, he told Sue’s mom. Plus an education at a good school and a room of her own. He owned half the town they lived in, a property development company, a security company and a landscape gardening company. It was an attractive offer to Sue’s mum. The price Kurt was willing to pay – a bit of sex – she was doing that anyway, indefinite free rent on the house, a bit of cash and a better life for Sue. It hadn’t taken much convincing.

Kurt had pulled some strings and the authorities hadn’t put up much of a fight, Sue’s family were well known to the police. They were domestic violence and trouble personified. Kurt was an upright citizen and largest rate payer in the district.

Sue’s Mom bought her a new dress and took her for a milkshake. While Sue drank her milkshake, her mum spoke through a haze of cigarette smoke – explaining that this was a better life, it wasn’t about rejection or a lack of affection – it was just ‘practical ’. Sue just nodded. She was still processing the sound of bits of brain squelching underfoot. Nobody had said a word about her brothers suicide, it was as if it hadn’t happened. Where she lived seemed so unimportant. She also knew the real reasons but didn’t care enough to verbalise them.

A week later the papers were drawn up, Sue was legally adopted. A month later and she had a new surname, but it couldn’t simply eradicate what she had seen, what she had been through, who she really was.

At 14 Sue moved into Kurt’s home, and into her own bedroom for the first time in her life. It even had an ensuite bathroom. She’d progressed from one dirty bathroom for 13 people and an outhouse, to having her own. She laughed – found this amusing. After a time, she felt ‘shoots’ of happiness for the first time in her life. But by 17 she had been packed off to a Swiss finishing school for girls. An embarrassment and potential scandal that needed hiding.

Between 15 and 17 things happened that made her grow up quickly. It taught her to understand human nature, and how to exploit it. While Sue had never really experienced a childhood in the normal sense, what Kurt really required hurt her deeply. Not at first, the first year was bliss, but as she matured and realised what was expected, she grew troubled.

You see, Kurt had other plans for Sue. Yes he bought her nice clothes, taught her to landscape garden and how to eat in public, but he also made her ‘slave’ on his properties, (he called it hard work), and her ‘allowance’ was always tied to work and chores, nothing was simply given in love. Kurt didn’t know any better. He was a product of the war. He had tried to have children with his wife, but they couldn’t conceive. After medical tests the doctors advised them that Margaret would never fall pregnant. The lack of decent food during the war in Germany at such a critical time in her development, had seen to that. Margaret was bitter. The war had also taken away her mother, her two brothers, her home and their decent middle class lives. All she had was her father, and now she found out she couldn’t conceive.

Kurt was strict, Sue wasn’t allowed friends over – definitely no boys, and she had bedroom inspection on Saturday mornings. Her drawers and cupboards needed to be ‘military precision’ tidy. This she could handle. Kurt used the ‘inspection’ to spy on every facet of Sue’s life. Sue had no privacy whatsoever, he would burst into her bathroom unannounced. Nothing was “off limits” for Kurt. His house, his rules!

But mostly, Kurt groomed her over a few months for his weekend sexual pleasures. He worked hard himself through the week, collecting on loans and rents, checking his building projects. But on weekends – he indulged himself. Sexually. He initially indulged Sue with gifts and candy. Foods she liked and overseas trips to exotic locations. This was a far cry from her roots in low class South African suburbia. By 15 she was quite well travelled and had an air of sophistication about her, spoke perfect German and her gorgeous Latin looks had blossomed.

And this was when her sex initiation started, Slowly at first, but over time Sue was included in her ‘parents’ love making. It went from “come watch” to “do you want to try”. Sue was desperate to be accepted, to get nice gifts. After the first joint session, Kurt bought her a diamond studded gold Rolex. To a young girl who had no material possessions, she had quickly learned from Kurt the value of ‘nice things’, and she knew the value of this watch. For gifts like that, and acceptance, she didn’t mind playing along. Kurt was an experienced lover who quickly taught Sue the ropes. Sue surprisingly, had been sheltered from any physical contact herself, so this novelty was at first, intriguing, enjoyable for her.

Kurt had a habit of repeating his mantra, his life lessons. He repeatedly taught his ‘ladies’ that value lay in material possessions, gold, diamonds, jewellery. Not paper money. He’d learned his lesson in Germany, as a young teenager, after the war. He gave Sue jewellery and foods she liked in return for her favours. He never forced her, at first. “Give daddy a kiss”! “Come sit on my lap”. But if she wanted ANYTHING, the price was a sexual favour. Sue learned the value of diamonds, gold, jewellery and how to get them. What she was never taught was love or family values.

Margaret immediately resented Sue as the group sex unfolded, the relationship changed from ‘mother figure’ to competitor, for Kurt’s affections. Kurt loved this, he used it to manipulate both women. A competition began between mother and daughter, to be the one he ‘unloaded’ on. Kurt continually taught Sue, gently, nurtured her and Margaret had no option but to take part or be side-lined. She knew Kurt well – they were both war children – products of the aftermath of war in Germany. Fighting for food scraps in the streets of war torn Hamburg, or sleeping rough under bridges toughens a person quickly. No proper schooling, absent parents – only survival mattered. No, her strength against men had been forfeited on the streets of Hamburg. She had no strength to fight Kurt, but she could play the long game with Sue.

Until Sue arrived, Margaret’s marriage had been perfect. Materially she wanted for nothing. Her function was to cook, clean, and pleasure Kurt. She did that admirably. She wore the best dresses and jewellery. She was from a good German middle class family and she carried herself with dignity and quiet German reserve. Kurt was a street hustler from a solid but rougher Hamburg family. He had lived near the REEPERBAHN and made a living from fishing. Being near the Reeperbahn, Kurt had been exposed to prostitute women from a very young age. In war torn Hamburg you could get practically any sexual favour performed for a few coins. He was very good looking and fishing for a living gave him a great physique. He also boxed in the local gymnasium. He had his pick of hookers looking for a bit of affection and a cheap meal.

During the war, too clever and too young to be conscripted into military service, he worked the black market in Hamburg with his mother. They’d done really well out of the war, dealing cigarettes and food items like sugar, chocolate, butter and preserves. And then lending money at extortionate rates to old women in the local community, whose husbands had gone to war. They knew everybody, so making sure they were repaid was easy. If you had no money, Kurt would come around and simply take items of value. What could the old ladies do?

After the war, as Kurt looked to establish himself, using his ill gotten gains, and having completed a landscaping diploma, the paper money they had painstakingly accumulated was suddenly worthless. He had burned wheelbarrows full of now worthless German paper currency. He had no choice – unless you could explain how you’d come to have the money, it could not be exchanged when Germany changed the currency. You could legally exchange a certain value each, they had millions more but it was worthless. In fact if you were caught with that currency, it was now a criminal offense. And now nobody had money to buy the household items taken in lieu of money. The system that provided, now took away.

He stood crying with his mother, watching the money burn, 4-years of hard work went up in smoke. He never forgot that experience and for the rest of his life, was distrustful of paper money.

He left his mother in Germany and headed to South Africa on a mining contract, where he met and married Margaret. Living frugally and working incredibly hard, they prospered. He was a sharp ruthless businessman. He bought diamonds and gold whenever he could. Margaret realised Kurt was a bit “rough around the edges”, her father had not approved of marriage, but nobody could deny he was a ‘grafter’. She was happy.

That all changed when Sue arrived. Suddenly she was sharing her husband and competing for his affections. She didn’t like it one bit. But she had to be careful, patient – her only hope was that Kurt or Sue would tire of each other.

At first Sue didn’t mind the weekend sessions with her adoptive parents. But as she got older, spent time with friends, and went to school, she began to realise this wasn’t normal. First she began to question it in her head, but after confiding in a close school friend, whose reaction frankly startled her, she confronted her parents.

She refused to partake. Kurt became angry and reminded her of what he’d done for her. He was relentless. Used to getting his way, he began to “guilt her”. It worked for a time. But after a while, she began refusing his gifts and his advances. He cut off her allowance and refused to allow her to see friends or have friends over. Sue remained stoic. Margaret was torn, on the one hand happy that her competitor had lost interest but on the other saddened by the animosity in the house. She cleverly manipulated the situation to her advantage though, she played one against the other whenever possible.

Sue fought back, she was as strong willed and stubborn as Kurt. Kurt caught her with a schoolboy friend in her room. Sue had brought him home deliberately, to goad Kurt. Kurt was livid, and said he was going to get a pistol. The boy, not waiting to see if Sue’s father was serious, jumped from the bedroom balcony and ran, so Kurt instead threatened Sue with it.

“Shoot me! I dare you to shoot me!”, she shouted. Both had lost control. Spittle flecks formed on Kurt’s lips, he shouted in German at Sue and discharged a shot into the cupboard above her head. Sue immediately launched herself at Kurt and physically attacked him. Margaret stood by aghast that it had come to this. She managed to break it up and for a few days, there was an uneasy truce in the house. But Margaret knew Kurt, he could never let this go. He spent hours in his study brooding … she tried to reason with him, he abruptly replied, “I’m working”.

In that moment Kurt had discharged the pistol, Sue’s brother’s death flooded back. Kurt had also shouted that her grandfather was her father – that’s why she’s “mental”. He said some hurtful things about her family, mostly true. At first Sue didn’t believe him about her father, but when she confronted her birth mother, whom she saw periodically – her mother’s reaction told her it was true. It had been part of the adoption deal that Sue was never to be told the truth.

The trauma around this event sparked something in Sue’s brain. Two things happened – she despised all men; and she began to develop a bipolar disorder. Both these things would wreak havoc on her adult life.

The following Saturday morning Sue asked for a meeting. Reluctantly Kurt agreed, it had been days since the incident and emotions were still raw. Sue announced to her ‘parents’ that she loved them, but what they were doing sexually was wrong. She knew that now. She was going to the police to inform them of what had happened unless it stopped. She’d had enough.

Kurt was aghast, Margaret mortified that this could become public. Sue was underage. Kurt tried to explain that South Africans wouldn’t understand, it was ok in Germany to live like this. Which was a lie. He tried many approaches. Sue wasn’t backing down. They finally agreed to leave her alone, she would not be required to do anything she didn’t want to do, any more. This placated Sue. They agreed to open a savings account for her and she signed papers ‘clarifying’ what happened. Kurt just kept saying – “ I thought you liked it,” as if this justified his actions or fatherly betrayal.

Margaret jumped into action, she had her husband back and confiding in her. She began planting the seed that Sue was a danger to their reputation, that she would say something to someone, she needed to be out of reach. She suggested they send her to a private finishing school in Switzerland. Anything to get her out of South Africa and away from their circle.

Kurt was reluctant, he enjoyed having Sue around, he still hoped the sexual thing could be resolved. He was also not keen on the massive cost of private school in Switzerland. But over time Margaret quietly convinced him and finally the day arrived where they flew with Sue to Switzerland to meet her new principle and enrol in the school.

Kurt took the principle aside,

“Please, no boys for Sue. You must watch her closely.” He quietly insisted.

“Don’t worry Herr Kurt, it’s two girls to a room for all the girls, we will put Sue with a girl from one of our most respected old Austrian families, and this girl is absolutely not interested in ‘boys’, if you catch my meaning!” the principal confided, thinking Kurt was just being an overprotective father, not knowing the real reason for Kurt’s request.

Kurt smiled at this reply. He couldn’t be happier. It was a very small Swiss village and this was an all girls school, “Margaret, this was a brilliant idea,” he beamed.

Sue said goodbye to her parents in the school foyer, they were staying at a local hotel for a few days, and walked to her new rooms.

“Hello, I’m Sue from South Africa,” she offered to her new room mate.

Her mate turned and took in Sue’s Latin beauty,

“Well hello gorgeous, my name is Gitte, from Austria, I think we will be VERY close friends.”

Sue and Gitte did become more than friends, much more. And Sue now despised men even more. She’d had no physical contact with men for years. Gitte saw to that. That was until she met “what’s his name” in the club last weekend. She’d have to do something about this “what’s his name”. He was a problem.