Dating : Racial Preference or Prejudice

There is a fine line between racial preference and prejudice and knowing the difference between the two may curb unconscious racism.

Anyone of color has likely been on a dating app and seen the following on someone’s profile, “PREFER X RACE, please do not message me if you are of a different race. I’m not interested.” Messages like these are common nowadays as more people shift their dating habits to meeting others online. And with the pandemic accelerating the shift to online dating, it is more important than ever that we all understand the difference between preference and prejudice. There is often a fine line between the two.

Preference simply refers to a greater liking for one thing over other options available. For example, I could say that I prefer to eat apples but this doesn’t mean that I will not indulge in other fruits if apples are not available. It just means that if I had the option to choose from apples over other fruits available there is a good chance I am going to pick the apple. We all have preferences in life. Some people prefer to watch Netflix over Hulu, but they will not entirely rule out Hulu. If a good enough series comes on Hulu, then they would be likely to watch it over something on Netflix. Preference is not inherently dangerous until it becomes something closer to prejudice.

Prejudice is a predetermined idea of something not based on experience or reason. In the fruit example, it would mean that I was unwilling to eat any other fruit outside of apples even if I never tried them. My unwillingness to be convinced that the other fruits could be good would mean that I had a prejudice. In the real world, this often means that people are unwilling to date other races even if they have no experience outside of dating their preferred race. Oftentimes, prejudice is masked as preference in the world.

A lot of people misuse the word preference in order to cover up their racial prejudice. By stating on a dating app that you have a racial preference for a race and that no one of other races could be attractive to you, you are referring to your prejudice. This is because there is no one kind of person in a race, each person of that race is different, and so if the deciding factor that makes them unattractive to you is the color of their skin, then that is racial prejudice. People cannot change the color of their skin, therefore their race is an unchangeable feature, so it should not play a factor in whether or not you will date them. Does this mean that racial preference cannot exist at all in online dating then? Not necessarily.

Many of us are going to have a racial preference when it comes to dating. For example, I prefer to date Black people but this does not mean that I will avoid other races. The key is to keep an open mind when going into dating. To eliminate your unconscious bias, ask yourself if you’d find the person attractive if they were a different race? If the answer to your question is ‘yes’, then you need to work on challenging your racial prejudice. If you find that while talking and/or dating the person that the color of their skin has nothing to do with your lack of interest in them, then it may be a preference that is keeping you from pursuing anything more. The issue is that the difference between the two can be so thin and they could both be a factor in why aren’t dating other races.

The key is to actively work against any preconceived notions you may have about someone. Eliminate any need to even post your preference on your dating profile. Not being interested in someone should have nothing to do with the color of their skin. Knowing the difference between preference and prejudice can eliminate unconscious bias and ensure that prejudice isn’t your driving factor when it comes to who you match with on dating apps.