Dating : Thought Piece: The problem with the “Friend zone”

I see every now and then relationship pieces coming out talking about the “Friend zone” or “How to escape the Friend zone”. Apparently, people think it is a bad thing to be friends with a person of the opposite gender or to cultivate genuine meaningful friendships. The problem with the “Friend zone” is not the “Friend zone” itself, but how people view and see relationships (in the context of dating).

It deeply saddens me to see so many people having such a selfish view towards relationships. It seems as if the prevailing attitude is — that particular person needs to fulfill my idea of what a relationship is or that particular person has to help satisfy my desire to be in a relationship — anything outside that view has to be completely rejected. As a result, a multitude of literature has come into existence to teach people “how to manipulate someone else into dating them” or as they put it “getting out of the friend zone”.

Genuine companionship, meaningful connections, enjoying togetherness — healthy components for a strong relationship — are often tossed aside in favor of physical attraction, short term flings, casual dating and shallow hang outs. In my opinion, this is an absolute travesty. Whether it be a friendship, or relationship the healthy core components are always the same and ought to be exercised and practiced upon. How can you have a healthy relationship if genuine companionship, meaningful connection, and an enjoyment of togetherness are not present?

The key to a great relationship — is to be a great friend. All the components of a great relationship are also all the components to great friendships.

Perhaps the difference with a relationship is — painting what the future looks like together, pushing and challenging each other to be a better version of oneself, living through experiences together.

Getting to know someone intimately ought to happen organically. Let them fall into your kind gravity. Let them enjoy and embrace your personhood.

Sometimes that person may not see a future with you, and that’s completely ok. If that person wants to be friends, why not? For me, being friends with a person of the opposite gender means that I have a new friend! That’s one more friend than before. What a wonderful thing that I can still cherish and grow with such a person. And if that person sees that same future together, then I hope that future will be a future I can enjoy with her.