Dating : 5 Signs You Are in a Toxic Relationship — And How to Address Them

Even the most passionate relationships can fizzle out, or worse, turn into a toxic sludge of regrets, insecurities, and resentment towards your partner. However, while it might seem obvious what a toxic relationship is because of constant fights or arguments, not every toxic relationship is as easy to identify. Sometimes, months or years can pass before you realize you lost yourself somewhere along the way. Here are 5 simple things you can keep an eye out for and some suggestions on how to talk to your partner about them if they are prevalent in your relationship.

One of the most important steps to accomplishing a healthy relationship is a mutual willingness to compromise. While it might seem like both parties are on board with forgoing an activity important to them, if the person compromising brings it up at a later date — you may have an unhealthy relationship.

Compromising can sometimes be difficult, but truly loving and valuing the other person’s needs goes a long way to easing the pain. However, if your partner drops hints that they are displeased along the way or even brings up the fact they compromised for you, it can begin to turn into manipulation. In a healthy relationship, there is a mutual understanding that both people will need to eventually forgo a personal desire in support of the other person. It could be a job, a choice for dinner, or even what movie to watch. But if you end up being the one who compromises the majority of the time because you don’t want to upset your partner or hear them drop hints how they are compromising for you, it might be time to have a talk.

If you find yourself in this position, it’s essential to make your feelings known. You can diffuse some of the stress of this conversation by leading with, “I appreciate the sacrifices you have made for me; I know they were difficult.” By recognizing and placing value on your partner’s actions, it can lead them to have a less defensive posture, thereby making it easier for them to hear what you have to say.

When you are in a relationship, some of your actions will ultimately affect the other person. For example, if you change your job, take a vacation, or decide to pull your kids out of school early, these are things you should make your partner aware of as they will likely need to adapt their life to fit in your changes. If your significant-other continually leaves you out of the loop and doesn’t see why it is important to communicate personal changes, it can lead you to feel unimportant, useless, or just decoration. Your opinions matter, so don’t fear sitting your partner down and to express your need to be equally included in decisions that affect both of you. It can be helpful to acknowledge their independence as a person, but also give them an example of how they could feel if you acted in a similar manner.

It is inevitable that you will eventually face difficulties in your life that might not directly reflect on your partner. Perhaps you were passed over on a promotion, maybe your health took a negative turn, or maybe you even experienced the death of a loved one. Whatever it may be, you and your significant other are a team. So even though the struggles you are going through might not directly affect them, they should be there to walk the path you are on by your side, not putting the emphasis back on themselves. If you have a partner that lacks empathy or has an obsessive need to divert the attention back on themselves, you could end up losing your ability to put your needs first because it results in a negative environment created by your partner. This creates a lack of self-respect that will lead to a very negative self-image. Therefore, it is critical that you talk to your partner about what it is that you need during your times of struggle. If they are unable or unwilling to provide this comfort, it may be time to rethink your relationship because life is filled with struggles.

We all make mistakes. However, the mistake itself is often less important than how you fix it. If you are the only person in the relationship who apologizes or worse yet apologizes for things that your partner has done, you are on a fast track to disaster. The mistake your significant-other made may have hurt or annoyed you, but if they skip over it or try to blame you for being too sensitive, then the hurt is undoubtedly far worse. One of the most important things in a healthy relationship involves both people owning up to their inevitable shortcomings, delivering a meaningful apology, and setting down steps regarding how they will do better in the future. If you feel like your partner is unwilling to apologize and rectify their mistakes or put themselves in your shoes to see how their actions might have made you feel, it is important to explain you felt in that moment. You can acknowledge we all make mistakes, but be articulate about your feelings and emotions.

Regardless of your gender, it is important to realize that it takes two to have a healthy life together. Both parties need to put effort, time, energy, and even money into your relationship to have it blossom. If you are continually bending backward for your partner, you are only confirming your roll within the relationship as the sole provider. It is easy to want to please your significant other, to make them smile or make their life easier. But, this tendency can sometimes lead to one person giving themselves away until there is nothing left to give. That is when the relationship dies. Instead, it is important that both people work for the needs of their partner. This equality will protect you from losing yourself to your significant other. If your partner has a tendency just to sit back and relax, it is entirely appropriate to relay your expectations to them. If they still choose to do nothing about it, then you have a freeloader, and the relationship will only become more one-sided as time goes on.

While not all toxic relationships show their colors by arguments and yelling matches, there are still forms that can rob you of a healthy and happy life. These five points can affect not only your personal relationship with your partner, but also spill into other relationships with your family, friends, or co-workers. What is most challenging about these low-flying signs is that they are easy to brush off. Perhaps your partner was having a bad day. Maybe they are just stressed or tired. Maybe my expectations were too high. Or maybe I am the one who is overreacting. While these are all important questions to review, if you see your significant-other falling into these patterns, sit them down and open the lines of communication. Give them a chance to work on observations. However, if ultimately, you feel as if they are making no progress, it might be time to significantly review where the relationship is going before you invest more time and heart into it.