Dating : 7 Dating Apps That Don’t Exist, But Should

Dear developers…

The human race has come exceptionally far with our self-driving (ish) cars, and our selfie technology. Dating itself has evolved tremendously from the “Well shucks Martha, I do say that dress sure looks becoming on you” days. Now, you can virtually find just about any person that fits your needs online. Then a swipe, message, and eggplant emoji later, your whole life can be changed.

App developers, programmers, and the rich people that funded them deserve a round of applause for what they’ve done to bring people together. Yet, I think I’ve discovered a few more ways to make the dating (casual or otherwise) experience a little bit easier. Here are three categories of person to person interactions that I think can be improved by technology.

A Conversation Starter App:
To my friend, that will sit for hours contemplating the first txt to begin a conversation. If you could only think of the perfect thing to say, you could get over this essential hump. Wouldn’t it be nice to download an application that will do the work for you?

I imagine it would combine current trending topics with your own selected personal preferences. Things like tone, age, how well you know a person, intentions, etc., will be taken into account. Then the app will conjure up a short, quirky message that you can use to begin an engaging conversation. They’ll never know!

Instant Information Swap
The days of yelling your phone number over the thumping bass of an EDM night club are played out. I want to be able to tap phones together and receive someone’s contact information — sort of like apple pay. Instead of sloppily typing a drunken guess at your number into someone’s phone, imagine sharing your number, social media, or linkedin with just a thumb tap.

Verified STD Test
You and I both know you can’t be too careful these days. That little verbal agreement you had before you two decided to have unprotected sex is not enough. You’ve got to see the paperwork.

Some apps do exist to verify and exchange results, but mistakes can still happen. No app that I know of will notify you if a person you’ve recently had sex with is positive on their next test. A test taken two months before you hooked up won’t account for the one night stands and flings along the way. It’s hard enough to have a conversation with all of your recent partners. Maybe having it done automatically ( with your permission first, of course) would make it a bit easier.

An App For Date Ideas
Don’t you hate spending hours figuring out tonight’s date plan and going down the same old path? You spend hours googling, checking prices, changing your minds, and then finally settling on just staying in with a baked pizza. An app that filters the info for you could be ideal. All you would have to do is choose your preferences. You pick an area, price range, time, and setting; then, you’re shown a list of options. It would also be nice if there were an option to pick something fun to do in your area completely at random.

Average Response Time Calculator
This one is silly, but I feel the need to add it here because I know this is information could somehow benefit someone. This app measures a person’s average time to contact you back and tracks its changes over time. If used correctly, it might potentially help detect changes in your partner’s demeanor. Or if you’re like some of the people I’ve dated, it’ll send you into a downward spiral of suspicion and madness.

Relationship Database
Picture this, a complete social media platform for just your relationship. The only person(s) that can access it are those in your relationship. I’d hope it would be password ( or face rec. ) protected and fully closed to anyone else. You can store pictures, conversations, A planner (for dates, events, and birthdays) share phone screens, etc. Meanwhile, all of the app features would remain blocked from screen record and screenshot attempts. Then, when the relationship is over, you can delete the account. Only one person doing so will erase all of the data.

We all have a friend that has to routinely check in with their partner or risk being berated with a stream of messages, phone calls, and voicemails. I propose that in this imaginary app should be a check-in button. With a finger tap, you could take a selfie, share your location, emotional state, etc., all at once, and send it to the app.

Cheater Contract
I’m not here to judge, only to help. I cover all aspects of intimate relationships, and yes, that means cheating too. I don’t condone it, but as long as it’s going to happen, we might as well do it right.

Raise your hand if a digitally signed non-disclosure agreement between you and your side piece would help you sleep a little better at night? Well, I don’t know how you do sleep at night, but I know that this app would have to be in disguise. Perhaps, a calculator or a chess game that you must win. Of course, there should be different versions of the legal document that are all easily held up in court should someone disclose your creep on the down-low. Oh, God, I’ve become what I sought to destroy.

Loose Ends App
Let’s face it; it’s simple to do the dirty dead when only you two know. When other people begin to find out well, then as Lord Varys would put it, it’s not a secret anymore, it’s information.

An app that gives you a peek at the odds of your two lovers becoming aware of each other could be a game-changer. Friends that they have in common on all social media, places they’ve both tagged themselves at, and places they’re both marked to be attending are potential problems. Knowing all of these things could help you manage your situation. Well, at least one of them. Of course, you could do these things on your own but this way is more efficient.

In Conclusion
I’m no programmer. I don’t know how possible or difficult these things will be. Hell, I’m not even sure if society could handle some of these hypothetical inventions. Still, I believe in a persistent attempt at progress. With that being said, I hope that some brilliant minds will find this article. I hope that they will find value in it so that one step can bring us closer to a better, more efficient social experience.