Dating : 7 Similarities Between Marathon Training and Relationships

What is harder? 26.2 miles or a 26.2-year relationship?

We, single runners, make failed attempts at humor all the time about how we are in a relationship with running. If I had a dollar every time I saw a meme, or an Instagram post, or any kind of content regarding being in a relationship with running, I could buy a new pair of running shoes. Although the joke has lost its charm, I can’t help but acknowledge the similarities between running/training for races and being in a long term relationship. Generally speaking, we separate what we do with our time into categories such as work, love, friendships, and, hobbies. In most cases, there is minimal overlap between the different areas despite the idea that all of these areas require similar core values. Long term success in any of these areas is highly dependent on focus and effort. If one area is currently lacking, you certainly have the power to take some of the energy you’re putting into area X and give it to area Y. So, for you single runners making self-deprecating jokes, and for any runner looking for an alternative perspective on what it takes to be successful in a romantic partnership, I’ve laid out the similarities between the two areas.

In regards to relationships, when I say “sometimes you just aren’t in the mood” I’m not solely referencing… you know what… get your head out of the gutter! I’m talking about the times when you’re not in the mood to be around your partner. Or do things for your partner. Sometimes you’d rather just go for a run, eat your own dinner that YOU choose, or watch YOUR favorite movie by YOURSELF. You get it.

Here’s a quote that delivers sums up my point about not being in the mood:

“Commitment is doing what you said you would, long after the mood you said it in has left.”

– George Zalucki

Just like we aren’t always in the mood to run when the humidity reaches 95%, if we are committed to our training plans, we get out there and do it anyway. If we based our decisions on whether or not we are in the mood to do something, we’re ultimately limiting ourselves and will likely achieve poor results.

During marathon training, sometimes we have to say goodbye to late nights and hello to early mornings. Sometimes we have to cut out some of those Netflix binge sessions to go strength train (unless you do them simultaneously). To reiterate my point in the introduction, we have to subtract time spent in other areas of our lives and add it to marathon training.

The same concept applies to relationships. The amount of time you need to dedicate to your partner varies — there are no textbook guidelines that say you need to spend X hours per week together. Regardless, your relationship will require you to adjust your schedule.

This is a big one. For many runners, myself included, the whole point of running a crazy 26.2 miles is to simply do something we once thought we couldn’t. Hell, when I first started running I didn’t think I could even run a 5k! It’s all about proving yourself wrong and it takes a significant amount of mental and spiritual power to do so. Simply put, if you start a run thinking “I can’t do this” chances are you’ll give up. If you change your mantra to “I can do this” or something similar, you’ll likely keep going.

At the start of my previous relationship, my ex was at school in Connecticut and I was at school in Western Pennsylvania. In the beginning, I had some doubts about the relationship due to the distance. I remember having a conversation with a close friend where I said “we’re doing the long-distance thing, so hopefully that will work out.” She responded, “It will work out. You have to believe it will work out.” I took her advice, and she was right. We did the distance thing for about a year until we both got jobs in Boston and no longer had to cough up the money for flights to visit each other. Sure, 4 years after that, we broke up for totally different reasons, but our long-distance relationship worked because we silenced our internal voices of doubt.

If it’s not my ankle, then it’s my knee. If it’s not my knee, then it’s my hip. If it’s not my hip, then it’s probably muscle soreness. We go into our runs, knowing in the back of our minds, that this may cause some discomfort. I would know as I’m currently sidelined from running due to a stress fracture and a detached labrum. Why do something that might hurt? Because my love for the sport outweighs the pain.

Relationships require a certain amount of vulnerability, in other words, a willingness to be hurt. At the beginning, we need to put ourselves out there, which may result in rejection — ouch. Then commit to someone who may end up breaking our hearts. And after that, dealing with the occasional fight also doesn’t feel so great. At the end of the day, your love for your partner should outweigh any discomfort caused by the relationship. If it doesn’t, then the writing is on the wall.

Whether it is the day before a race, the week after a race, sickness, injury, or simply exhaustion, every runner needs to take some time away from intensive training. If rest days are neglected, injuries may occur.

Have you ever gone on a trip with significant other where you’ve had to spend every waking moment with them, and by the end of the trip, there’s tension in the air? Time away from your partner is healthy and necessary. In many ways, digital communication makes time away a bit of a challenge. Have you ever heard the saying if you check your work email outside of the office, it’s like you never really left? The same concept applies to relationships.

This one is self-explanatory. With running, the high is the feeling we get after finishing a race, achieving a personal record, or when our favorite song plays during a run — giving us an extra energy boost. In regards to relationships, the high might come meeting someone new, a successful first date, getting engaged, among other firsts and milestones. In both running and relationships, with the highs, come the lows. Not every race will result in a personal record and not every time you hang out with your partner will leave you with butterflies in your stomach. Keep those expectations in check!

Think about it, we spend way more time training for a race, than actually running a race (way to state the obvious, Alex). Finishing a race is a destination. Training is the journey. If you don’t like to train, races might not be for you.

The “destinations” for relationships are the milestones such as moving in, getting engaged, getting married, etc. Think about how much time you spend on preparing for a milestone to the time you spend on a milestone itself. A wedding lasts a few hours, but getting to know someone and building a life together generally takes years. You’re better off putting effort into enjoying the journey because that is where you’ll be spending most of your time.

Great — so now we know the 7 similarities. Did they solve all of your problems? I sure hope so, but I won’t flatter myself.

The main difference between running and relationships is that with running we rely on ourselves (and maybe the weather conditions), a relationship relies on two people. So, while I spent all of this time writing about the similarities between running and relationships, the difference between the two is what messes people up the most. Due to the fact that runners have complete control of their decisions regarding the sport, in many ways running is easier. With love, that control is split in half. We can only control our own actions and responses. In a relationship, we have to surrender to the idea that we can’t control the actions and responses that come from the other person. So, we must train ourselves to love selflessly.