Dating : 7 Ways to Avoid Future Fakers And Find A Genuine Relationship

If all they know about you is your name, phone number, and some superficial facts already listed on your dating profile, and they talk enthusiastically about your future together, it’s about them, not you.

In other words, they’re more interested in feeling good about themselves than building a real relationship with you. It’s false intimacy.

If you have the impression that your date is really into you, ask yourself, “What makes me think so?” and try to link each of your beliefs about them with a real event or something they did.

So, if you’re led to believe they want a future with you, try to think of a time when they showed you their intention in words and actions. If you can only recall the texts they sent you, sorry, it’s false intimacy again.

Having sex flushes your brain with oxytocin and vasopressin, which can get you emotionally attached to someone without reason.

If you’re looking for a long-lasting relationship, it’s best to hold off physical intimacy until you have a clear idea of your partner’s values and life goals and have agreed on exclusivity with them.

When your date talks as if you two are a long-term couple or tries to progress the relationship at a pace you’re not ready for, call them out the first time it happens.

For example, they make a joke about being your future spouse or taking you to meet their parents when you’ve only known each other for a short time, tell them respectfully that you’re not comfortable, or simply don’t acknowledge what they say.

If you’ve drawn your boundary and it happens repeatedly, they don’t respect you — stop taking them seriously and get out.

Don’t reward your date’s sweet words with more attention and affection — enjoy the moment, but act like normal.

It also means that when they fail to back up their words with actions, there’s no need to show your disappointment — that’s also rewarding them with attention.

For example, if your date mentions doing things together without any specific details, 1) assume it’s not happening until there’s an actual plan, and 2) express that you’re interested but move on to talk about other things.

In some cases, you might even want to ask them directly “When?” and see how they respond.

If they actually make a plan and follow through with the plan, then you can show your gratitude and increased investment in the relationship.

On the other hand, if nothing is happening within a reasonable timeframe, conclude that you don’t have the same expectations for a relationship and move on.

It brings you to the next point —

Your relationship should meet your expectations: You should know how close you prefer to be with your partner, at what pace you want to progress the relationship, what is normal and not normal, and so on.

So, decide for yourself how often you want to meet your partner in person and when the milestones of your relationship should happen (e.g. becoming exclusive, going on a trip together, meeting the parents, etc.)

Though, keep this information to yourself and take your time to observe your date. The point isn’t to teach them to act the way you want (which doesn’t work anyway) but to find out who they are and whether they match you on fundamental levels.

If your gut tells you that something is off or your date is too good to be true, it’s probably right.

It’s a sign that there’s a disconnect between what they lead you to believe and what actually happens, between the level of intimacy they want you to have and the true depth of your connection with each other.

If you’ve been in constant communication with them, it’s time to take a step back and dial down your attachment to them and their words. Write out your doubts or confide in a trusted friend to get a second opinion.