Dating : Are You Making These Five Subtle Relationship Mistakes?

#1. Expecting your partner to make you whole

When we are in a relationship we can expect to find comfort, stability, love, happiness, sadness, the whole gauntlet of we can receive when we invest our time and love in another human.

However, there is one expectation that we need to get rid of because it is sabotaging our relationship, including the one we have with ourselves.

It is the belief that someone else can make us whole.

“When you go looking for your “other half” who you think is going to magically complete you, what you are doing is denying your own potential of being an already whole, functional, and happy human being. You are attempting to give them power that only you can give to yourself.”- Thought Catalog

When I was younger I dove into every relationship with a romantic mindset that my life would fall into place when I met “the one” and instead, it set me up for unrealistic expectations and many a broken heart.

#2. Becoming complacent while your partner picks up the slack

I can’t tell you how many times a guy would cook for me in the beginning stages of our relationship and once we became “official” or “serious” they never lifted a finger again.

It’s easy to become conditioned over time to believe that we don’t have to contribute as much to the relationship and to become well, lazy.

Sometimes you will get lucky and your partner will sit you down and be honest with you about how you aren’t pulling your weight.

Sometimes you won’t be as lucky and your partner will suffer in silence and hit their breaking point one day. I fell into this category as I would suffer in silence and eventually lose it because I felt like I was picking up 99% of my partner’s slack.

Remember… you can’t expect someone to put effort into your relationship if you aren’t meeting them halfway.

#3. Neglecting them during social events

A few years ago I was in a relationship with someone that would completely ignore me at social events.

We would literally walk into a room and he would not say another word to me until we left together, even if I didn’t know anyone else at the event.

Fast forward to my current relationship and I realized that in the beginning, I would dread going to social events with my partner because I was worried he was going to completely ignore me based on my previous partner’s behavior.

You don’t need to spend every second with your partner, but make sure that you know how you expect/want the other person to act when you are out in public.

Because I had such a bad experience with my ex, I explained to my partner that I appreciate it when he checks in with me every hour or so when we are at a social event, and that’s all I need to be aware that he is present and there with me.

#4. Providing too much “feedback”

Recently I asked my partner if he had an example of a mistake that he had made in a past relationship that didn’t seem like a big deal but then evolved into something bigger.

He told me that he had a girlfriend that would provide constant “feedback” that ranged from the way he ate a strawberry to how he should/shouldn’t style his hair, to how his books were “boring business books.”

“Criticism in close relationships starts out, in most cases, on a low key and escalates over time, forming a downward spiral with increasing resentment.” Psychology Today

It’s okay to provide your partner feedback but at a certain point, it turns into criticisms and no one wants to hear that all of the time.

#5. Constantly picking fights over the small stuff

It’s important to communicate when your partner and to speak up when something is truly bothering you to prevent resentment from building up.

However, someone is going to become worn-down emotionally if you are constantly nitpicking at them over everything that pops into your head.

Also, if you frequently get upset over everything your partner isn’t going to be able to tell if it’s a “normal” level of angry or if it’s something that truly bothers you. After a certain amount of time, they will just start tuning you out completely.

Before exploding over how your partner has annoyed you, try to take a few hours before confronting them.

If it’s still top of mind you will be able to approach them in a rational/constructive manner and often you will most likely decide it wasn’t a big deal after all.