Dating : Dating As A Single Parent in 2020

This topic is going to vary a little depending on each parent’s situation. Dating in 2020 is difficult, much less for the single parent. Getting the date isn’t the hard part, the hard part is what comes out of the date.

ACQUIRING THE DATE

In 2020, there seem to be only three ways people feel comfortable being approached if someone is interested in them: dating apps, bars and parties, and through mutual friends. The days of being attracted to someone and approaching them on the street or in a store is practically gone. This is the sad reality of where our mindsets stand these days.

Some men or women do not find the bar as “their scene” or keep their friend circle very small do to whatever the reason. This leaves the most popular way to set up dates and encounters…dating apps. This is the most effective in 2020, but is also the worst way to start any type of relationship. With dating apps, the profiles are usually small and tell nothing and a picture of one circumstance can change five good pictures into a profile that is swiped left on. When you meet someone in a bar, alcohol is usually a factor. Alcohol impairs judgement and the result of that encounter, while some do lead to long lasting relationships, typically does not lead to any intentions of something lasting by the other person.

Why is it that just walking up to someone below the age of 35 is taken as creepy or uncomfortable now? What has changed? Since 2010, the majority of contact is through phones and apps. People aren’t as comfortable with face to face interactions from anyone as they once were because they aren’t use to it as much. This is what makes everything so hard for the single man or woman.

WHAT TO DO

What can we do as parents and nonparents to better our chances of finding a lasting relationship? I am a single parent and have not found someone that I would consider to be a perfect fit for my daughter, nor myself. I have found that getting the initial date was easy, mainly for the reason below. I leave myself open and vulnerable to the chances of engagement and of feeling something.

I make casual and direct conversation available and comfortable to a complete stranger out in public. I keep an open mind and realize that any 1 of 10,000 encounters may lead to someone that is a perfect fit for me. As a society, we need to stop shunning random public encounters and instead keep an open mind like our parents did and their parents before them. If a man or woman is able to muster up the courage to approach you and ask you on a date or for your number, there is much more to be said about that person than the man or woman that approached you in a bar while drinking. I’d give that random encounter a chance far before the dating app person or bar person.

Having the ability to let down some of your emotional walls is the hardest part. If you are a single parent, chances are you either got hurt or done the hurting yourself. Either way it goes, you’ve learned what not to do or what not to allow happen and a wall is built. This makes it much harder to let someone in. I would never tell someone with children to break down their walls completely because they need to be protective for whom has the chance to be a part of their children’s life. There is nothing wrong with letting someone in half way and making yourself vulnerable to feeling again. The most that can happen is it doesn’t work out and your heart gets a little boo boo. As an adult, you know that experience will heal and make you stronger. Best case scenario, you find the love of your life and that person makes you and your kids the happiest you can be. Personally, I would be hurt 100 times if it takes finding that amazing person for me and my little girl.

WHEN YOU FIND THE PERSON YOU LIKE

So the date went well and it leads to another date and another. Now, you feel comfortable enough to introduce your children to that special person you’ve come to like quite a bit. When you do this, take it in the body language and how genuine that person is being with your child. Let the kids take control of the situations a little bit and see how your love interest reacts. Everyone is on their best behavior for a while, so letting them around enough for your child to grow attached may not be the best idea until you’ve given your person enough time to move past the best behavior phase.

It happens all too often. A new man or woman become directly involved with the children only to leave or show that they truly aren’t cut out to be a part of you or your child’s life in the long run. This means you let your own feelings become more important that monitoring or being patient long enough to really see who that person is before letting your children become attached to them. We all have made this mistake at least once. All besides one 6 month relationship, I have been single for 3 years. There have been date after date after date, but I always keep in mind that I am not just looking for someone to make me happy; I am looking for someone to be a role model to my daughter and make her happy as well. Don’t lower your expectations because your child and the people around them is what should matter the most.

CONCLUSION

To summarize dating as a single parent or even dating in general, open yourself up to random encounters because these people have already shown more by approaching you without the aid of alcohol than anyone else in any other situation. Lowering the gate to the walls you have put up is an absolute most in order to make any connection at all. Introducing your children after a few dates is just fine, but be careful on making it too available for your child to get attached before you really see the person underneath the “best behavior” phase. Lastly, never lower your expectations because your child comes before your desire to not be lonely. 2020 makes everything so hard, especially the dating scene. Keep at it…there are good people out there if you just give them the chance.