h2>Dating : Dating Myself
Engaging with someone brand new in the hopes of eventually ending the series of encounters in engagement, is an absurd circumstance that can only be tackled with an extremely open mind. Meeting people online to date in person was the overwhelming norm. Where there was once shame around the concept, there is now an undeniable acceptance. To not acknowledge the or to criticize it, is to fall on the outside of the current zeitgeist. Those who did not take part were taking a sort of stance.
Online, there was little to no background check that occurred on an individual basis. An identified human with a reference from a friend or a family member to vet a person’s personality with any sort of context was almost nonexistent. Stalking social media could possibly rectify this predicament, but some of us preferred to resist doing this to avoid preconceived notions.
Each potential match existed in a sort of digital vacuum, sterilized with curated photography and witty lines, until occasionally, when the stars of scheduling and intrigue perfectly aligned, two people finally met.
A few particularly notable first dates stand out from the days of yore…
- Katzfished
The date began with me almost completely walking past the gent because his Hinge photos were likely from a World Is Round album circa 2005. Slight exaggeration here for dramatic effect, since that would’ve made him a teenager in his photos, I guess the pictures could’ve been from his Myspace page that he probably had to edit out lyrics to Panic At The Disco songs from underneath each image.
Ironically, or rather, certainly an identification of an existing insecurity, we had a conversation about people not looking like their profile pictures and what a horrible experience that would be. I lied through a smile-and-nod, reassuring him that he did, in fact, resemble his dating profile. He proceeded to order a plate of wings at The Penrose bar, where we sat side by side. This was a first for me to witness on a first date.
The seating arrangement and packed crowd allowed for me to have a close-up, high-def view of him pulling meat scraps apart from chicken bones with his teeth. I politely declined getting my hands and face messy with sauce on what would also happen to be our last date. After the plate of carcasses was ever so gently removed by the bartender, I walked him back to the 2nd Avenue subway, reluctantly gave him a peck per his request, and commented, probably out of habit and an incessant need to please people, that I had a great time, then sent him on his merry wings-filled way.
2. Magic Mushrooms
Same sort of trend as above here. The man in question had significantly less hair than pictured. He sort of whispered to me at one point as if he was telling a dirty secret, “Isn’t online dating so WEIRD,” as he placed an order at the bar for fried mushrooms, that I, once again, politely declined to share.
3. That Guy
The following instance was most likely doomed from the start. We were sitting at that bar on the Upper East Side that allows smoking in a basement, so there were some odd vibes to begin with. Mid-conversation about exercising, he grabbed my waist and sort of shook it with a lilt in his voice, saying, “I bet your a great boxer,” or a similar comment that was both patronizing and unwelcome and only exacerbated in annoyance by the unwarranted physical contact.
