h2>Dating : Except she told you.
Except she told you. She is no one’s property, but you clearly wanted her for yourself. And, given the fact that you do come across rather possessive… can you really blame her?
She might have noticed that other red flags too — you hear the words, but you are not listening!
Now the good news 🙂 — as harsh as it sounds, it is really not that bad. It doesn’t make you a bad person, and it, sure as hell, ain’t your fault.
And it should be an easy fix… I think.
‘Cause that’s actually the problem — most people don’t. We are conditioned since early childhood not to think, not to ask questions. That’s why we don’t understand each other, ourselves, our relationships, our lives.. how can we understand anything, unless we start thinking?
She can’t make you understand. It has to be your choice, no one can make it for you. Simply put, you need to man the fuck up and start asking questions — but not her, not yet. First, you have to prove that you actually deserve an answer. You have to start with yourself first. Why do you think she did it? Why did she bring up the relationship and your wanting it? Try to put yourself in her shoes — what would make you say what she said?
Don’t expect you’ll figure it the first time, it takes practice. What matters is that you put an honest effort. With time you’ll get a better feeling when enough is enough. But at first, you’d rather want to overthink than give up too early.
Only when you are satisfied that you can’t figure it out yourself, only then it’s time to make yourself look like an idiot. Before your friends. and really anyone who is still talking to you — by asking “why?…” Like you are a 4-years-old girl:
That funny video actually has some deep meaning to it. It is the key to everything. The alpha and omega, the answer to every philosophical question, the original sin, it explains every act of violence, every single war, why Jesus was crucified, every crime and every evil cult in 10,000 since the dawn of “civilization”. You are the only one with that problem, you know?
That 4 y. o., believe it or not, actually knows what she is doing. A human child, she is trying to develop her humanity. Turns out, asking “why?..” is what it means to be human. No other species on the planet are capable of asking questions. Your dog can empathize better than most humans, we can teach chimps to talk, and they can actually beat us in some cognitive tasks, but they will never ask you a question.
It took us 2 million years to develop and perfect our rational mind for the sole purpose of explaining why. Animals are 100% irrational. They cannot explain their own actions or beliefs. We, humans, can — at least we used to. That rational mind we have evolved is a brilliant tool, but only if you know how to use it. That’s why all those why’s — she is learning / training her rationality.
Except we never give her a chance. Very soon she learns not to ask stupid questions. Or any questions, for that matter — what’s wrong with you, are you a dummy or what?.. cool kids don’t ask questions, they judge bc it makes them look like they know everything.
We tell our kids to fake it. We tell them that looking like a human is more important than being one. They did to you too. Like they did it to me, and everyone else.
And you know what? It fucking suks. You can’t deal with life when you can’t think. What’s your diagnosis? Are you taking any meds for your condition? Even if you don’t, it’s only a matter of time before you end up with chronic anxiety or depression, or schizophrenia — that your mind desperate attempt to cope for you not thinking.
The good news it’s never too late to start asking questions again. Picking up from where you left it when you were 4 y. o. Starting with yourself, your own beliefs — you always start with yourself. Ultimately, you shouldn’t hold a belief, unless you can explain it yourself why it is true.
But even tho you always start trying to answer it yourself, it is asking others, sharing the knowledge is the ultimate purpose of the rational mind. Sharing knowledge so we don’t have to discover the same truth ourselves from our own experience.
Which brings us back to her. It is only then, after you tried to figure it out yourself, after you have exhausted any other available venues, after you did your homework but failed to find the answers — that’s what makes you deserve to hear her side of the story.
So.. good luck?.. hope it helps.
