Dating : Guy 1 — Date 225. The Split the Bill Guy

Now, you do not know me yet, but after 225 first dates, I am like to Tom Brady of Los Angeles dating in that it seems I am never going to retire and keep coming back for more; how many opening games am I going to play? I wish I were as good at dating as he is at throwing touchdowns, but then we would not be here.

I used to use the reach for the bill, glance at my purse, offer to pay the bill gesture, simply as that, a gesture. A gesture not to be ever taken up by these “men”, but more of a test to see if these eligible bachelors would take me up on it. Also I cherished the nod to Seinfeld, mulling over the accolades of “the reach” as an obligatory gesture by women. A gesture not be taken up by the men, but done to show that we greatly appreciate knowing that the men will still pay…thanks a lot, Costanza! For a first date, I struggle back and forth with the societal norms of men paying for dates versus equal rights for women. Should we be splitting? Should I be paying eighty-one cents on the dollar?

We can answer this however we want but dating in LA leaves a lot to be desired, and finding a man with manners and chivalry is harder to come by than you would think. Date 225 really took the cake and agreed to split the bill after we each ordered three beers, but he ordered an entire entrée that he ate completely to himself on a 9pm date! Not to mention that he ordered wings and fries and then wolfed the whole thing down with sauces flying everywhere, oozing from his mouth and fingers like a foamy eruption of froth and lava… gag. To top off the animistic display of “dining”, he then proceeded to do a sneak attack kiss on me as he walked past me to get the bathroom. Do you think I want gross buffalo breath and a froth tongue in my mouth? The fact that I had to pay for half of that food that was literally regurgitated into my mouth with the attack kiss? No thanks. Where do I sign off? Oh, right here on the bill.

I do not know if it is fair or not to expect the man to pay on the first date or to use “the reach” gesture as a test, but I do think it shows a man’s character and how they were raised. The fact that this man (he did not like when I called him dude) did not even stumble a nanosecond over me offering to pay and easily agreed and allowed me to pay for half of his wings makes me saddened by the whole dating convention these days. I think of what my mom went through to find her husbands and it wasn’t sneak bathroom attack kisses from dudes that cannot afford a few beers and wings. I know working retail at minimum wage must be tough right now, but then maybe you should not be taking women out on dates?

All You Need to Know

Sorry Costanza, but “the reach” is going to have to be sidelined (unlike Brady) in Los Angeles dating for this girl. All women should maybe consider the vetting process and more carefully scrutinize the words that come after “Job” in the man’s dating profile. Red flag would be none listed or “luggage handler” like “Split the Bill Guy”. I should have seen that red flag a mile away.