Dating : Has love changed? What my grandparents love story taught me.

You might call me a dreamer or a hopeless romantic but I really want that perfect love story! Why do we always ask new couples, how did you meet? There is a reason for that and that is that we are chasing that love story that just melts our hearts and makes us believe we will find that too. Why do we ask that question less and less nowadays because more often than not there really isn’t much of a love story there. I’m talking about love stories that sound like it’s straight out of a movie or romantic novel, you know the kind Notebook worthy! It seems to me that more and more we are having to take a proactive role in hunting down love and let’s be honest, that sucks!

I look around me and I am surrounded by married friends but no love stories that make me so jealous and burn with desire to find my own love story. It’s no wonder love confuses us because it’s so easy to make a careless gesture through a text message and just as easy to ghost someone right out of your life in a hot minute. There is no phoning the landline, nervously waiting who will answer the phone. There are no love letters in the mail. There is no visiting the house and asking for permission to spend time with your love interest. There are no grand gestures taking place anymore. Am I the only one that kind of misses that whole chase and being so taken by that one person?

Do you want to know the best love story I know? My grandparents, that’s right. I would almost bet that many of you reading this also have a great love story from your older relatives. So let me tell you a bit about my grandparents. Would you of observed them and thought they function together wonderfully, hell no but what you would have seen is that they were madly in love until the very end!

Indeed they were opposites, my grandmother a strict woman but with a soft bubbly almost cute naïve way about her. She was a mixed bag, a product of the times meaning she could handle hard work and she didn’t complain she just powered on. Yes, she squeaked out orders to my grandfather who ignored them with such style and grace, not! Yes, she grew hot-tempered rather quickly and yet five minutes later it was like nothing happened at all. She was who she was and I loved her for it. My grandfather also hard-working, a straight shooter, very black and white in his approach and outlook but open-minded enough to understand why things didn’t always make sense. He adored my grandmother and showered her with compliments even in their old age and she loved it! For him even though she was hardworking, it was no trouble for him to look out for her and care for her despite being such a tough man.

He often told me that I reminded him of my grandmother when she was younger particularly when I didn’t want to wash my hair so I crimped it (you can laugh now) and I would put a bandanna on to make it look oh so cool. It reminded him of how she wore her hair for work and he even dug out an old photo one time to show me. He always said to me that my grandmother had the best curves and still to this day she was solid and he loved that (okay, thanks! too much information). He often said that he thought she was so hot even now! I mean, whoever said passion and desire go away with age? I would argue not with them! This just reminds me that love shouldn’t have to fade and that although life changes and we get older, that love should always be there in almost the same way! If anything I would argue his love grew over time after everything they had lived through. I mean during a civil war they bunkered down and lived under the house in the basement with nothing much to entertain them but each other. They came out with memories they had made during that time, how is that even possible. I feel like we would lose our minds without technology to entertain us even with the supposed love of our life with us.

One piece of advice my grandfather gave to me that has stuck with me to this day. He said to me that personality was more than looks, that looks faded and that you wanted someone you had a connection with and could enjoy their company still in your old age together. Okay, granddad but you still thought my grandmother was hot in her old age, so I can’t be sure how true that is. He did clarify and said to me well there has to be an attraction don’t marry a crocodile (I will try not to do that granddad). I have to be honest, the older I get the more I know what he means. Yes, no doubt attraction has to be there, it won’t work or else especially for someone passionate like me but more and more little things in a personality matter. If things bug you now about someone’s nature and personality, what’s it going to be like when you are old and grey? Interesting thought. I have taken a long time to realize that in fact, I want someone similar to me in nature, values and personality. That doesn’t mean everything the same but enough so that I as a talker know that I too can be entertained and laugh by this person as we age together.

My grandparents’ love story reminded me of everything we miss today. The chase was real! There was no hiding behind apps and random texts. You went after what you wanted and when you got it, you didn’t let it go! If you did, you knew that there was no going back, they would get snapped up!

My grandparents were European and met before WW2 and at a local village party. The story goes, that my grandfather saw my grandmother and was taken by her beauty, he courted her, yes that meant going to her house to gain permission to spend time with her. Imagine that! Then WW2 hit and my grandfather was sent away to fight. He wasn’t in a safe cushy position, no he was right there on the front lines. He wrote to her often, yes love letters! It kind of makes me feel sad about the text messages we now live for. I mean writing a letter seems so personal and intimate in comparison. He eventually wrote to her saying not to wait for him that his luck would run out soon enough and she shouldn’t waste her youth waiting for him. My grandmother who was getting older and should have been married already (for those times) refused and waited for him. I mean, aww right! She didn’t care how long she would have to wait even if it meant he may never return to her at all. Sounds like the making of a perfect war romance movie, if you ask me!

A long time passed and out of no where my grandfather returned and there was again another village party. He was so excited to learn that my grandmother indeed had not moved on. He had dreamed of this perfect reunion for so long he just couldn’t wait to find her. Though when he spotted her in a white dress looking beautiful talking to another guy and having a good time. Rage took him over and jealousy at the thought she had not waited for him after all. He walked right up to her and pushed her so that she fell into the mud behind her. I mean you can’t not giggle at this thought or some might even think that this was a bit much. If you picture any good romantic movie, you can imagine how much emotions he was feeling at that moment and why he just was so heartbroken that he couldn’t control himself. Yes, it’s much like a child losing control in the playground unable to control their feelings — it still somehow showed how much he loved her. Like a scene in a movie, the heated conversation took place and my grandfather stormed off. When they met up days later, he explained to her how all he thought about and dreamed of was her and their future together. How could you stay mad? Even if he did ruin her beautiful white dress. She reassured him that she was still waiting for him and dreaming of the same thing. After the passionate fight that led to making up, they got married soon after and stayed together until the very end. Much like any great romantic movie, this was their moment of drama!

Fast forward and yes they married and had two children and lived until their old days together madly in love, passionately arguing about silly small things which were often cute really. They spent their nights happily in each others company making memories till the very end. I’m thankful my grandfather passed first although seeing my grandmother grieve for the love of her life until her passing was rough but also showed me what real love should be like. My grandfather said to me once, if your grandmother goes first, I don’t want to live any longer and the scary thing about that was I knew he meant it. I was always fearful to think about what he would do if that was the case. This maybe sounds dramatic and like a Romeo & Juliet type scenario but I mean, wow right! The fact that they were both strong and independent but somehow just didn’t want to imagine or live without each other is just super romantic!

Was there marriage perfect? Probably not but boy oh boy was there passion. Their love story is so cute to me and something I have always wanted. I like the idea of not working hard or using an app to find love, I want love to come naturally like all the old love stories we know of. I’m not saying that there aren’t great love stories now, I just don’t know of any. All I see is people working on love and seeking it out…but I want a love that finds me — that never lets us question if we are meant to be, that doesn’t feel like work but a blessing even if in hard at times. Maybe I am a romantic born in the wrong era but maybe I’m also happy to not settle until I find that love that makes everything make sense around me.

In the end, now with my grandparents no longer here, I found comfort in the passing of my grandmother even though during awkward Covid-19 times. I knew she wasn’t meant to live through this and I knew she was meant to join him in time for Valentine’s Day. I love to think of them up there together again. I hope that their love story reminds us that it’s okay not to settle and to give yourself a chance at experiencing that surprising and wonderful love story! People might not understand what you are waiting for but imagine if you found that, you wouldn’t care what they thought anymore because you would know you scored big time and the wait was worth it!