Dating : Honey

When I woke up I was the Honey Demon of Darkness, all filled in delicious evil creamy stuffing with beautiful, diabolical, gummy eyes. It was all part of the deal. I wanted to be the most famous, richest, luxurious, specialest, sexiest sock puppeteer the world had ever seen and in exchange, I gave up my body and my soul for the rest of eternity to do my mistress’s bidding. I was unlucky, though, because my rewards only lasted about an hour before I was killed by an arrow through the neck and three shots in the back and suffocation with toilet paper down my throat.

I was now three times as tall I was in my previous life. Always flowing but never leaving me, honey covered my entire body and in order to create all the necessary sugar and sweetness for my evil doing, I got a round malignant tummy, some satanic, soft fur, and a nefarious sweetened countertenor voice to conquer, punish, and command the wicked.

I found out, however, that people did not seem intimidated by my loathsome honey figure. As I appeared to collect their souls and torment them forevermore, kids came to hug my stomach and remove parts of my body to lick them. Candy lovers, experts, and amateur enthusiasts talked to me about going to their expositions and though I vehemently disagreed in the rudest manner possible, they still hugged me, tasted me, and gave honorary passes for whenever I felt liked it. Whenever I went to parks, children would surround me to ask for candy. Whenever I went to the stock market, people in business suits would surround me to ask for candy to sell. When I was out on my own looking for my victims, people would randomly surround me to ask me to birthday parties or deviant, fetishist ordeals. The spirits of the treacherous, which I barely managed to collect in in my evil fanny pack, looked uninterested in me and since I couldn’t die by any ordinary human methods, they tickled me and made me drop all of my chocolates, caramels, and licorice in stupefied horror. They got away, they always got away.

Never did I question my mistress’s plan for me until a little girl pointed it out to me, while I was out giving out balloons sinfully and picking out flowers evilly, that I did not look threatening or demonic but rather looked more like a cutie, teddy bear covered in honey. This revelation shocked me so much that I spent the next several hundred years, crying despicably and gifting the world my evil candy corn tears and then, when that was not enough, I went back to hell to find consolation sleeping in my pink, fluffy, devilish room.

My mistress, a long, dark figure with a hundred capes, and long pulsing fingers, and a face carved of devilish marble, came to see me, worried that I had abandoned my position as one of his most trusted mice traps.

“My, sweet honey demon, what are you doing here so by yourself? What of your duty? Where are the souls of the wicked, the damned, the evil, the wrongdoers, and chronic pleasurers of the self?”

“My mistress, I am not cut to be evil. People of the human variety do not think that I am evil enough. They come to me and they hug me and kiss me because I am so delicious. They squeeze my tummy to get donuts, they pat my head to receive lollipops, they make me laugh so that they can get my lemon drop salivas, they hug me very tight to drench themselves in my honey flavor! I cannot do it anymore! I am no evil! I am of no use to you, my love, um, I mean, my mistress!

“Nonsense,” my evil mistress said as he rubbed my tummy. “Remember when your honey gave those kids stomachaches and headaches for two hours? Remember when that honey you had excreted caused that old guy to trip and fall over? Remember when you jammed every gun in the world with your honey? Now everyone in the world hates you because they can’t shoot the people they hate! You are special, Honey Demon. And if people can’t see that… then it is their loss… I do appreciate you.”

“Thank you, my mistress,” I said with naughty tears in my eyes as my mistress licked me with his eyes. “Do you want to stay for a little while to talk about our feelings?”

We did and we learned so much from each other, our motivations, our hopes, and dreams. We had a great time and we even broke a piñata and ate a lot of candy, because I was apparently not tired of them already.

By the next day, I felt so motivated that I spread my sugar badness over the entire planet and covered the whole world in my heinous honey and suffocated them all in one big, sweet candy coated moment.