Dating : How I went from a sad semi functional alcoholic to an energizer bunny….

Journal entry 1 October 7, 2020.

Let me tell you you a little about myself. Hey there, my name is Karyn Cain, and I used to wake up and drink alcohol just so I could make it to work and not have the shakes in my hands, although, sometimes that still happened. I started partying at the age of 15, and it progressively became the center of my life. Drinking is what I lived for, my full-time career became drinking, and eventually, I became an isolated closet hermit full-fledge alcoholic, who was a single Mom, trying to do the best she could at the time, got divorced around the second time I gave up drinking, and I quickly found a boyfriend who moved in with us who was not “present” for me/us at all. Don’t cry, it’s okay…Yes, I manifested the perfect storm because I was a perfect storm or maybe more like the Titanic, waiting to go down. The question was, would I pull myself out of it alive?

I went in and out of sobriety for years. I tried an online program that included a weekly phone call with a counselor/ therapist. I tried AA, and eventually, I went back out and drank because that seemed like the easy way out of feeling lost and sad. This way became the easy way out to escape my own self created dark reality of depression and part of this process was constantly, blacking out to forget the pain and suffering I was causing myself, my son, and those around me. Oh, my heart feels for all of us right now as I write and read this article back.

As they say in AA, I eventually was SO SICK and TIRED of being SICK and TIRED, I choose to take massive action and commitment to changing my life. I did this for myself, but ultimately, my son is my reason, my true WHY. I am getting choked up writing that. I have some horrible memories towards the ending of my 35 year drinking binge of fighting over a 6 pack of beer and my son trying to pull it away from me and pour it out. He accomplished that, and I had bruises on my arm and a gouge under my eye. Who had I become?

So, I picked a specific date that I would officially quit drinking for good, the last time, no questions this time or no turning back because that was too painful to bare anymore. The date I picked was midnight on New Year’s Eve of 2016. I had a toast of champagne at midnight, and that was it, I was officially committed to me and on my path to recover and heal. The journey was incredibly hard at first. I went through so much pain and so much sorrow. At some points I would just crawl up into a ball and bawl my eyes out. My whole inside felt pain and sorrow. My boyfriend left us, and my heart broke, but that forced me to kick my recovery into a full high intensity transformation journey. Yes, there is so much to talk about in regards to this transformation path I choose.

I started to go to meetings and was told, I needed a sponsor, so I got a sponsor fairly quickly. My very first sponsor told me that what really works is to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, and I thought she had three heads. I was like…..what????? That’s crazy. As crazy as that sounded, I was so desperate to get sober, I said okay to that suggestion. That sponsor lasted a few days, because she didn’t seem too stable herself, and so, I told her I was moving forward on my own, but I committed to the 90 in 90. If the rare occasion arose when I couldn’t make a meeting, I doubled up the next day.

This is only the first chapter of my what has become the most amazing journey I have ever committed to in my life. If I have your attention, good. My hopes are to help as many people as I can who currently feel the type of pain I was in when I was drinking heavily every single day. I have created a company out of my story called Believe in Humans because what I know now is that we are incredibly resilient humans who are capable of doing amazing things with the help of others who support them on their path. You don’t have to be an alcoholic to be in pain or constantly depressed either. I have also become a healer, a Spiritual Practitioner, so I can help people.

I hope you enjoyed reading this part of my story, and if you would like to hear more, I will tell more.

Thank you for your time,

Karyn Cain

Founder of Believe in Humans