h2>Dating : I got stood up so I went on the date by my damn self
I gave myself a huge pat on the back for how “perfect” our first date had been.
He had recently moved back to New York, so left the decision making to me. I know some people wouldn’t like this, but I’m a control freak and love curating my own experiences, so it was fine by me. (My moon is in Capricorn).
I suggested we start at Donna for cocktails and Taco Tuesday. When I arrived, he had already ordered nachos (Already a faux pas, but we’re gonna let that go). We had the mature adult first date conversation where we shared that we both want marriage, kids, and to move out of the city. Good things to agree on! Things were going well so I suggested we go to Skinny Dennis to hear music and have a beer. (Turns out he doesn’t drink beer because he watches his weight.. ooookkkkkkkaaaayyyy). Despite my judgement in his drink choices, we had a great time. The band that was playing was really good, and it wasn’t too loud, we could still talk to each other. We’re doing the subtle this is going well clues, like a hand on an arm or leg.
“So… can I see you again?” He smiles. Did I mention that he’s very cute?
That’s always a good sign- to ask someone out on the date.
“Probably next Tuesday?” I smile back.
“That’s too long. Can I visit you at work?”
I’m a bartender and I would normally never let a “date” visit me at work, but there’s a first time for everything… I agreed he could come see me on Friday.
We left the bar and lunged at each other and made out on the street corner and shared a car to Bushwick. He held my hand and kissed me goodnight. Nothing like a good first date. I text him right away that I had a good time. He replies that he feels the same.
We text an appropriate amount in the next few days, but not much. (This is fine with me as texting in my experience can give you a false sense of closeness too soon). Friday rolls around. I don’t hear from him so I’m not sure if he’s coming in. I told him to come after 9, as we get very busy. Sure enough, he comes at 8 o’clock, peak dinner rush. Luckily there’s a seat open for him. Coincidentally I have a couple of my best friends at the bar that night, but they’re sitting too far away for me to introduce them. What this results in is a funny scenario where my friends are constantly asking for a play by play “How’s it going?!” It was actually pretty funny.
My friend’s boyfriend shakes his head “I don’t like him…” We laugh, because he’s just staring at him from across the bar, he hasn’t spoken to him.
My “date” stays for almost 2 hours. We’re still too busy for me to really give him much attention.
I back to check in on him “So, when can I take you out to dinner?” He is charming.
“Hmm.. Tuesday. Want to try the pizza place I told you about?”
I’d been craving Ops for some time.
The communication via text after that gets stale. I ignore the feeling in my gut that says… it’s a No. The afternoon the day before I text him “what time are you thinking for tomorrow?”
He responds sometime after 11pm that he was asked to do a photoshoot on Long Island, and that he would have to let me know…
I laughed out loud. I was already in bed. I didn’t respond to his text.
And he never reached out again.
Here’s the thing- if this had been 2 or 3 years ago, I would have been like “Oh ok yeah cool let me know.”
But that “forgiving” (settling) ship has FUCKING SAILED.
Oh but do not fear, he was still watching my Instagram stories!
I woke up the next morning determined to something fun that day. A funny desperation set in… the desire to curate a “PERFECT SOLO EVENING” for myself. While at the gym I could not make up my mind about what I wanted to “do” for dinner. Finally my decisive voice declared
“YOU ARE AMAZING COMPANY AND WILL HAVE FUN ANYWHERE YOU GO!”
So I decided to have dinner — at the place where our date was scheduled.
By. My. Damn. Self.
I had been looking forward to to all week so, why the fuck not? I got dolled up at the gym. I wore a nice outfit & put on lipstick. I escorted my cute little self to the restaurant. It wasn’t very busy and I got a seat at the bar. The owner asked what I was in the mood for and poured me a glass of Italian orange wine. I ordered the pizza of the day: asparagus, oyster mushrooms, and a banging sharp hard cheese. Oh, and their salads are ALWAYS to die for. Something about the dressing and huge pieces of lettuce really gets me going. I was happy as a clam. Happy because I was grateful for the night off, grateful to live in a place with such amazing restaurants, grateful to have money to afford such meals. Mostly I was grateful to acknowledge that I love my own company, since it’s all I have. I gave myself a gold star for continuing to persevere in the dating scene, despite the continual disappointment and frustration.
The more I think about it, I think we need to call out BS behavior and not stand for it anymore. Regardless of what you’re “looking for” — you can treat people with
I’ve always taken the “let it go” road. But I wonder if addressing this type of behavior is the only way to wake people up to the fact that what they’re doing isn’t OK.
I couldn’t finish my last 2 pieces of pizza and asked to take it to-go. I thought “hmm, this date is going really well, shall we have a nite cap?” I walked around the corner to Honore Club, where I knew one of my favorite bartenders would be working.
“Hi!” He gives me an enthusiastic hug. “How’s it going?”
“I GOT STOOD UP WANT SOME PIZZA?!” I laugh. He pours me a miller high life and shot of tequila. We catch up for a minute before he has to take care of someone.
I pull out my phone and start typing away.
“What are you writing?” The guy next to me asks. I tell him the whole story.
“That’s so annoying!” We clink beers. We talk about dating. His friends stand up to leave and ask if he’s coming. “I think I’m gonna have one more here…” he says to them.
“Of course you are” his friend says, looking at me.
He gets up to go outside to smoke a cigarette “I’ll be right back. Let me buy you a drink.”
I sit there by myself and smile. This energy is so different. Just having a conversation- no agenda. No preconceived ideas. No comparing life plans. And somehow, I feel like that’s how it should be.
