Dating : Is #BlackLove Anti-Black Women?

If you haven’t heard, Clubhouse is the new social media network that’s all the rage. As Guardian put it, it’s part talkback radio, part conference call, part Houseparty, and in my opinion, all genius. The invitation-only app is a goldmine for, among other things, having and taking part in conversations around the hot topics that shape our society, and the Black experience is definitely a headliner.

Dismantling some of the most nuanced discussions I’ve seen debated, I’m starting a series based on the current conversations happening, aka #ClubhhouseConvos. And my first is absolutely a hot topic.

Biases & Blind Spots

A disclaimer: I am a Black woman who has dated exclusively outside my race for the better part of 10 years. My industry has put me in environments where, in all honesty, I had not come across many Black men. And when I did, while we always shared that moment of kinfolk connection, that man (usually a high-value brother) was either with a non-Black woman or simply not checking for me. And that was okay because I was having luck elsewhere.

So what drew me into this conversation was potentially checking my own biases and blind spots as to why I haven’t had my own recent experience with #BlackLove.

The Grounds

LeBron & Savannah. Will & Jada. Michael “Bae” & Lori H.. #BlackLove is prospering when it comes to representation in the media. It’s refreshing given that it’s all too common to see a successful Black man share his prosperity with a non-Black woman while disparaging ladies who look like their mothers, sisters, aunties, and even daughters in the process.

It seems our community is coming to terms with the damage being done and rallying around Black Women. That being said, is there an ulterior motive for the reemergence and promotion of #BlackLove, specifically on social media’s newest craze, Clubhouse?

The Hallway

While the rooms in your hallway are dependent on who you follow, I’m sure every Black woman on Clubhouse can attest to seeing a room moderated by Black men more than willing to dole out relationship advice or allow us to ask them questions. Because apparently, Black women are clamoring for insight on how to land themselves a successful, high-value Black man.

The best room I’d come across was by Emmy-nominated actor Dondré Whitfield, who was using the platform to promote his book Male vs Man: How to Honor Women, Teach Children, and Elevate Men to Change the World. Now this brother was giving honest insight on how to tell the two apart and dropping GEMS on what we as women should and should NOT be doing for the sake of companionship. Without giving away too much, my favorite zinger was:

“When you enable a boy you disable a man”.

Read that last line again.

On the other end of the spectrum, Clubhouse is also seemingly brimming with boys looking to be enabled into their manhood, and Pickmesha’s more than willing to help them. While we’ve heard the stories of people actually finding love on the app, these successes have led to more rooms disguised as discussions around dating, but are in actuality, more so platforms for men to tip the scales in their favor.