h2>Dating : It’s not you. It’s us.
At some point in our lives, we have all stepped onto the job application treadmill to the depths of hell.
But, when you look back with some hindsight have you ever noticed how similar it is to dating? In my experience being the candidate is not too dissimilar to dating. Well dating back in the “old days” before dating apps.
The First Date
You’ve been introduced to another interested party. Maybe, you were even approached first. You have exchanged a couple of emails or calls and now it’s time for the first meeting.
It’s always a little awkward when you first walk in. Even though you have stalked them, they may not look like they do in their profile. How will you know it’s even them?
You re-introduce yourself (as if you haven’t already spoken on the phone and email). You start with a little small talk about how average the weather has been lately. They ask how your week has been. You both know neither of you cares what the answer is.
At some point, you both know the interview has to begin.
After an hour or so the date ends. You shake hands, it’s awkward and both say you’ll be in touch soon.
Post-First Date
You get home. You have some butterflies in your stomach. That went well you think. We had many things in common. The conversation flowed and the vibe was relaxed. Most important, you answered all the questions in a thoughtful, experienced way.
That night, you fall asleep on a high.
Upon waking the next morning, your mate, “self-doubt” shows up for breakfast. Uninvited as usual. She begins to ask some interesting questions.
Did you say anything stupid?
Were you interesting enough?
Should you have asked for the water halfway through (but your mouth was so dry)?
Did they like you as much as you like them?
Will they call you back?
Should you call first? How many days should you wait?
Meeting Their Friends
Fast forward a few weeks. They called back and maybe you even had another date. But now it’s time to meet their friends.
You’re less nervous this time. You think yo yourself; “they wouldn’t have asked me to meet their friends if they weren’t interested. Right?” Self-doubt still batting for the other team though.
The introduction happens. The small talk is even more strange than it was on your first date. The interview is less pleasant than the first one. You realise part of the way through that maybe you don’t like these friends. You decide it’s not a deal-breaker. As a whole, it goes well.
7/10.
This time self-doubt wastes no time and kicks on the way home, alone.
Should you have been more friendly?
Should you have been more formal?
Should you have sold yourself a little more?
Did they like you?
Will they call you back?
Should you call them? How many days should you wait?
Meet the Parents
A couple of weeks pass again. And now you’re asked to come back and meet the parents. You’re excited because this is definitely a good thing. This is the last test so you’re a little anxious.
You are going in prepared so you do extra prep work. You do a little stalking to make sure you can foresee any curveballs they may throw your way. You tell yourself that you’ll be way less nervous when you sit down at the table.
It’s time.
You’re not sure how you thought this would be easier. It’s way more awkward and intimidating than any of the other dates. But now you want this so badly. You breathe deep and suck it up buttercup.
It’s over. It is a blur.
For the last time, you get home, alone, and think that it went well. But self-doubt raises some very reasonable concerns.
How many others like you are there? What if they’re smarter and better than you?
You definitely could have answered some of the questions better with more time.
Did they like you?
Will they call you back?
Should you call them? How many days should you wait?
Waiting… Waiting… The Answer
A week passes. 2 weeks pass. Radio silence.
This is bad.
You’ve been through so much already, you know each other well by now. At this point, you can start the communication and follow up? All you want is some sort of direction?
Finally, after a handful of emails and calls, you get a reply.
It’s not you, it’s us.
You run all the scenarios through your head. The time and effort that you both invested can’t have been for anything. The emotions take over. Confused then upset, then angry.
You get into bed disappointed with yourself and the whole process.
Before you fall asleep, alone, you log into LinkedIn and swipe a few times.
