Dating : my girlfriend’s uncle died and his last wish was for me to pass this letter to her

Honestly, I don’t know if I should be putting this online. Even after replacing names, locations and anything else relevant, it seems almost… vulgar to expose something like this. I did some research online and I found even more content related to this than what’s already detailed on the letter to follow. Overall, as gruesome as it is, there should be no reason for me to post this. But I think I need help. My girlfriend’s uncle, he just died last week. He wasn’t even that old. Early 40’s. But a huge drinker, the guy couldn’t pass a day without some very strong shit running down his veins. He gave me the letter, he was on his deathbed and we were never close, but his liver had gone to shit and he was kinda bonkers, so I’m not sure if he was sure in whom to trust or not. He told me to give the letter to Julia. They weren’t talking on his last few days, I’m not so sure why. So he passed up the mission to me. But he never said I couldn’t read it. So I read fucking the thing… and now I don’t have a goddamn clue of what I should do. Or why he had this in the first place.

“I never feared death. I also don’t believe in guilt. How come? You may wonder. Well, I never felt guilty of anything. Ever. Even of those things most people tell me I should feel guilty of. Remorse. Shame. These are extremely foreign words to me. I don’t understand why anyone would like to feel any of them. Feel the constant need to second guess their feelings. Second guess their needs. Second guess themselves. It always sounded absurd to me.

Around seven years old, I stabbed my step-brother, Adrian, with a sharp stone, right on his eyeball. He didn’t die, but he did got blind from that one eye. I honestly believe it made him look way cooler.

At thirteen I saw my scumbag stepdad beating the shit out of my mom, so at night, when he was drunkenly sleeping on the couch, I boiled a pan of water and poured all over his face. A few days later, at fourteen, I set the house on fire, after my mom stood up for him and against me, in the situation. Sucks to be her, I guess. Both of them were found with their corpses melted into one another, passed out, probably on whatever I dribbled into their soup. They were beyond recognition. The police poked the case for a few days, but nobody actually gave two fucks about some crackheads dying while on a high.

At 15 — after some less interesting ups and downs — I finally established myself in the capital and brought Adrian with me. He was 3 years younger and the poor blind fuck would probably starve by himself.

Life was somehow easier there. Not super easy. But easier. I’d work at a pharmacy, as a delivery girl and Adrian would go to the local public school. I never had much patience for school and since I was the one putting food on the table and had nobody to meddle with my business, I simply didn’t go anymore.

People rarely ever asked any questions. I was a cute girl in a bike, I spoke well, I was polite, I was nice and I had a cockeyed little brother on me. My boss, he didn’t care about asking any questions. He only cared about me delivering his shit on time.

A few months into this and Adrian arrived from school with his good eye all purple and bleeding. Told me a few kids cornered him in the bathroom and called him a possessed freak. One of them kicked him in the knee and threw his head against the sink, which finally seemed to scare all the other little fucking aberrations.

The next day I requested him to point which one of them had put their grubby little hands on him. I didn’t much care about bullies, but I really did not appreciate the idea of someone else spilling my brother’s blood. He pointed at a fat blob of a kid with frizzy hair and thin lips. I did nothing. Do something in front of a dozen kids would be stupid. Even for me. I got the kid’s name, though. Danil Gerber.

Danil never got home that day. He was found a few blocks from the school’s building, his head smashed against the concrete. They recognized him through his teeth or nails or something like that. Everything else was too far gone, I suppose.

The TV would air it all the time, how Danil’s parents, siblings and friends wanted justice. How good of a boy he was. So sweet. So whatever the fuck the news lie about all the time. Nothing of that caught my attention. Until they showed his older sister, Natalia.

Natalia’s hair was also very much frizzy. She was also very much white. Her eyes very much brown. And her everything very much alluring. That was the first time another human caught my eye for anything other than raw anger and self-preservation.

I was fascinated.

Natalia was slightly older than me. She was 18. According to the news she was about to get shipped to another town, first semester of Law in some big name college. Book smart girl. All grief-stricken because her little cunt of a brother was sent off to Satan’s lap a bit earlier. Big oopsie.

Thing is, I had to meet her. And it would be just so stupid easy to do that. So I did. I used Adrian and went to her.

I said I knew Danil. Him and Adrian were friends from school. Sergei and Victoria Gerber were the kindest. Even grieving for their little mistake, they made time to talk to me and Adrian. I suppose most people would feel sorry for them. I didn’t. If anything I felt glad. Danil was a cunt. Their other children, Igor, Olga and Natalia were far superior. If anything, I had merely helped their bloodline.

While we were at the kitchen, sharing a nice cup of coffee, only Igor joined us. Both him and Olga were younger than Natalia, Olga was even younger than Danil.

Natalia was at friend’s house. They said she was avoiding spending time at home. They felt sorry for her, but were anxiously waiting for the time of her to go to college. Maybe far away she wouldn’t need to worry so much.

But as I was leaving, she arrived.

Make-up free, sleepy dark eyes, hair tied up in the messiest way imaginable. She waved at me and Adrian and I promised to come back. To the Gerbers and to myself.

I returned at least 8 or 10 separate times in probably less than 2 weeks. I managed to befriend Igor, who was only a year younger than me and managed to allow Valentine to see me and Adrian as her children as well. As the time for Natalia to go to college approached, I developed a whole tale of pain and grief, letting Valentina know that I could no longer keep my job at the pharmacy, the money was running thin and I had an offer to work in a city a few hours away, but it was all very new and I couldn’t just drag Adrian there with me. She felt deeply for me. She even offered to help with a new job nearby, but I managed to escape from that one. Eventually I made seem like the idea of hosting Adrian for a few months was hers, not mine. And when Natalia moved to her new city, I already was there 2 days before.

At first, I don’t believe Natalia ever felt any sort of way about me. I was just this weirdly pleasant teenager hanging around her home and hogging her parents’ time after her little brother died. But after we moved to same city with no else around, it’s not like she had much choice. I did find a job, not where I had mentioned per say, I had to be closer to the campus. In a restaurant. Half time. I’d sleep whatever. Most of the time I’d just duck security and sleep somewhere on campus. It was easy, if you really tried. Most of my energy, was wasted following Natalia’s schedule, following her closely in most classes, watching her while she was out with some friends. For some reason I had very little nerve when it came to her. I knew if I came on too strong and scared her, it would be over for me. Except I didn’t knew what it could mean.

We would bump into each other every now and again. We even sat down for tea a couple of times. But I wouldn’t have called us friends just yet.

That’s when Gideon happened. He was a Law student in his early 20’s. He was tall, skinny, pale and he looked like every other fucking heartthrob ever. He was a new addition to Natalia’s circle of friends and suddenly he was showing up alone on her dorm room. Unsurprising to say, I wasn’t very pleased. I wasn’t pleased at all.

I had experience with offing young boys, drunk scum and druggie sluts. Healthy, taller, stronger males… I knew that it could be a challenge. But I was never someone to back down from one. And I surely wasn’t going to let that prick escape through the cracks. No.

I also knew that I looked right. I looked like my dad, nothing like my stupid bitch of a mother. I had his green eyes, nice hair, good shape and perfect skin. In one of her many tantrums my mom told me I looked like something poisonous, but beautiful.

So I wouldn’t need strength with Gideon. I would need smarts. And that I had.

It was simple. Men were simple. Allure. Incapacitate. Game over.

In the end it was even more simple than I thought it would be. I had a meet-cute with him on campus, played coy, made him invite me for a coffee, made him lie he was seeing no one, made him invite me back to his room and then looked around for something to smash him on his pretty blonde head. He resisted the two first hits with the paper weight. I opened a gap on the back of his head, but it didn’t seem to be enough. I felt something cold run down my spine. Something I couldn’t name. Something that told me that if Gideon managed to get out of that room, I would never see Natalia again. And that just wasn’t an acceptable option. Not at that moment.

Dumb me. I had no idea that offing that retard cunt would be all I needed to do to have Natalia on the first place.

Because a few seconds after I made him swallow his teeth along with the paper weight and that son of a bitch stopped struggling, the door opened and Natalia was right there. I had not forgotten to lock the door, which made me believe that she must have had her own key, which made furious for a second, at the mere idea of her coming over to fuck that dipshit, that’s it until that weird shiver took over again, as she watched me lay over him, hands washed with blood.

Her face was a blank. There was no horror. No fear. No confusion. No anger. No nothing. If anything, she looked calm.

“Is he dead?” it was all she asked.

With that damn shiver running all over my body, like thin lines of cold water, I brought my fingers down to his pulse. It was flat.

I nodded once.

She walked in and locked the door again behind her back. Her eyes were dancing between Gideon’s body and my face but her expression didn’t change for a second.

Natalia got on her knees by Gideon and I, she grabbed a little piece of bed sheet that was ripped on the floor and took the paperweight out of Gideon’s mouth.

“Messy.” she commented “A bit similar to Danil’s. You might wanna change your method. Be creative.”

That was the first time I felt outsmarted. Ever. It felt incredibly good.

Natalia wasn’t like me. She never got her hands in the dirt before. But she also didn’t care that I did. Just because she didn’t like to get dirt, it didn’t meant that she didn’t enjoy watching it.

With the tiny little of forensic she had learned, she told me how to get rid of Gideon’s body. And watched as I made him into unequal little pieces. I placed him into a few bags and we spent two days spreading the bags in different dumping grounds.

She once told me she didn’t care about Gideon. He was funny. But it was whatever. A few days later, on the night after we fucked for the first time she told me she also didn’t care that much about Danil. He was a pig. She felt sorry for her parents. But that was it.

Gideon’s disappearance was investigated, but there wasn’t much police could do. Somebody saw him with a blonde girl. But I had dyed my hair brown. I also had glasses on and changed from my usual comfy clothes to the hipster style that Natalia herself had and told me to adhere. Nobody actually noticed me. Never.

They interrogated Natalia. Interrogated Gideon’s friends. But I was a ghost. And his body was never found.

Natalia and I were never official and that was pretty much okay to me. We’d go out and we’d sleep together and that was enough. She had school and she had friends and I wasn’t interested in any of that.

But being unofficial had its downsides. Like… people didn’t know she was taken.

So she would go out to bars and clubs with her friends and people would hit on her and for some reason she would never throw them off. So, when they finally decided to take her home, I’d be obligated to follow.

There was never a pattern. Sometimes stabbed to death, sometimes suffocated, one time she went with a girl… that was the only time I chose to watch things develop before doing anything. The only time I ever watched Natalia fucking anyone else. I did kill the other girl. But also, for some other unknown reason, Natalia never picked up any other girl after that. She mentioned once that she didn’t like being touched. I was an exception.

Eventually, Natalia graduated. Became the lawyer she always dreamed of. I never went to college, but one of Natalia friends, Alexei, taught me the basics of photography and I got a handle on the thing. Throughout the years I learned how to make money out of that.

We moved back to the old city a few weeks in. Sergei’s friend had a job for Natalia in an office. Adrian was doing turns on the school newspaper, meaning the Gerber had done a good job on him. And I also could use his new learning if I decided to open my own studio.

And things were supposed to be fine after that. I don’t think I ever considered any other option. We were good. I don’t know what I was expecting. I allowed myself to have hope. Once.

But as I had realized before, Natalia wasn’t like me. Once life became more “established” and there was nothing else to watch… She made a mistake.

She decided that it would be a good idea to fall in love with someone else. Some guy from work. She forgot I was always watching. She came to the conclusion that she was above me in a way. And for some reason… I let her believe that. I waited.

I allowed Natalia to marry Leo, keeping me around like a cheap affair, I waited for two years, unsure of what exactly I was waiting for… Until she told me she was pregnant. 4 months. A baby girl. And then I finally found out what was I was so keenly waiting for.

Julia, honey, as much as I don’t believe in guilt and as much as I don’t believe in death. I stand now on my last few hours on this Earth.

I waited until you were born. And only then I killed Natalia and her precious husband. I went out of pattern again; I did with them what I never did before. I was creative. I took my time. I had my fun. I could taste Natalia in my mouth hours after we left the scene. The only reason they knew it was them it was because I was too hyped to hide to bodies. I let it all in the open and later on the same the respectable Mr. and Mrs. were found.

I took you with me. But it was harder this time. Adrian, the fucking gossip, sang like a bird. He liked the Gerbers. So he told them about Danil and told them about mom and dad. And even about his eye. So they were after me. We managed to hide for a few weeks. I had a place in near the woods. I knew someone. We stuck around sometime.

I knew I wouldn’t have much time. I knew that after seeing my face in every other newspaper, at that particular point they probably even knew about Gideon.

They found us. And they took you away. Unharmed. Cause I’d never hurt you. Not even for her. Not even for anything. I knew you’d always be more important for some reason.

I was put on trial. I was found guilty. And as my last wish, I stand here, writing this for you. You’ll grow up with good grandparents. A good family. I freed both of us from Natalia. And I’m sorry if that makes you an orphan. I was one too. I know I didn’t turn out so well, but I hope it’s different for you. I’m not afraid to die. If anything, I’m glad I’m dying after getting to know you. Your name, Julia… I chose it. It was the only choice Natalia ever gave me. I’m honored. I hope you do well in life. I don’t believe anything happens after. But if it does… I hope we never meet again. But not as much I hope that in the end, they hand this to you.

to Julia, with my most devoted affection

Kris.”

So there you go. Adrian died last week. He died with his sister’s letter with him and now he wants me to give to Julia. I don’t know what he had in mind with this request. I don’t know how this letter ended up with him. I don’t know if I should give this Julia or not. Cause I’m pretty sure, that exactly like me, she has no idea that Kristina — Kris — Her actual godmother, her mother’s ex — was the one responsible for her parents deaths. I’m not even sure if she knows her parents were murdered. I’m not sure of anything anymore.