Dating : Oh My Goodness, Where To Start: Part Deux. On Wooing, equality and partnerships.

So about two weeks ago I read a truly splendid article by Marybeth Gronek titled “Why Women Lose Interest — It’s Two Things”. If you haven’t read it on Medium yet, go get it.

Go on. I’ll wait right here.

(“DA DA DA wanttotakeyou to…DA DA DA FUNKYTOWN! DA DA DA wanttotakeyou to…DA DA DA FUNKYTOWN…”)

Ah, good. You’re back. Okay. Pretty damn good, right?

But it was definitely being told from a young woman’s perspective. (Spoiler Alert — I think MaryBeth is a woman.) She stressed, as primary, being fascinated and fascinating. But it cried out for an answer from a man’s view to balance the scale. And so, I responded to her article, giving a counter perspective. And that response was titled “Oh My Goodness. Where to start?” It too is out there for your viewing pleasure.

And view it, ya’ll did.

Now…I’m semi-new to Medium and I’m used to one or two dozen views…which is fine. Seems to me the quickest way to go crazy on Medium is to write for numbers or to expect some defined results. I think the people who do this best simply write for themselves. And they are happy if someone just comes along for the ride.

So I was used to a couple of dozen views here and there. (I’ve actually had an article with 2 views. Not a typo. The number between 1 and 3 — 2. And when you think about it, one of them was probably a curator.) But “Oh my goodness. Where to start?” is approaching 2000 views in 10 days and climbing. Obviously MaryBeth is on to something.

The response to my response to MaryBeth’s article has been gratifying. And interesting as all get-out.

So I thought I’d share some of it with you.

Joel Herzog told me he would have amended “familiarity breeds contempt” to add “or brings comfort.” Right on, Joel. Good catch. Dude, where were you when I was EDITING the dang thing? LOL.

Wendy C blew me out of the water, totally disagreed with me, and made an excellent case for maintaining magic in the relationship. She said “ It’s not about perfection and unrealistic expectations, but life is hard, we all need a little magic in our relationships.”

Wendy, I never argue with magic. That particular item is in short supply in many, many areas.

Katelyn Jones took everything I said and said it better. “I love being wooed. Who doesn’t? But at the end of the day, I wouldn’t trade the partnership my fiancé and I have for anything in the world.” Kate’s remarks are definitely worth your time.

Ananda Yamit More told me “Thanks for your comment, but I do have to contend that from my personal perspective, when the wooing and the romance ends the relationship falls into complacency.” Ananda added “you have to work at a relationship”. And she added “Your partner needs to be appreciated, she needs to feel attractive and loved.”

And therein lies the key.

A lot of the people who thought I was minimizing the importance of wooing told me how important it was to them. And I totally get it. And to clarify, I wasn’t downplaying wooing. I know how important making your partner feel wanted and appreciated is.

I was simply trying to state, however badly I did it, that it has to be a secondary consideration in a long-term relationship.

Wooing and mutual attraction…MaryBeth’s Be Fascinated and Be Fascinating…is a concrete, real thing. It’s what brings us together to begin with. Without it, the world would probably have a population of about 17 people.

But over the course of a lifetime…wooing simply isn’t enough.

Eventually, it has to be supplemented with something much stronger. The aforementioned respect, admiration and mutual partnership. Has to be. Otherwise, that relationship is doomed, because no one can subsist on magic alone.

Of the two thousand or so people who’ve read my original piece, men and women have both responded in nearly even numbers. That surprised me. I thought it would be primarily women. But apparently Medium attracts the male of the species too. Good to know.

And of the responses I’ve had, it’s running about 75 per cent in favor of “partnership and equality in the marriage” vs the “wooing is most important for both parties” stance.

Of course, this is the kind of statistical analysis that got our current president elected, so please take those numbers with a hefty bag of salt.

And based on all this information and commentary, I have these findings as my summation:

1. Women all want to be wooed. And who wouldn’t? But most women recognize that a lifelong partnership takes a more, and deeper, relationship engagement.

2. Guys would “kinda” like to be wooed, but if it doesn’t involve her wearing lingerie, they have no idea what it would be. (Mostly. There are a few of you guys out there who definitely know what it would be. You scare me.)

3. Both men and women want a fair and equal partnership in their relationship.

But the bottom line is…all of us want that one person.

That one person who will look at us with respect. With admiration. With laughing eyes. With longing.

That one person who will grow, change, build through the years, do amazing things, live life in the fullest and for some freaking reason known only to them, want us to be with them during that journey.

May you all find your one person.