Dating : On Feeling Desired When You’re Truly Desirable.

Despite my being made “crazy” by my abuser, even when I’m “out of control,” I’m wild deliberately with intention. I am not a person who acts without thinking; it’s absurd to stereotype women as incompetent in their own decisions about life, body, health, career, self-expression.

There’s a huge difference between recklessness and having fun — my husband is reckless, bringing more harm than good to those around him…but I know how to have a good time now within MY own limitations, seeking to harm no one.

So sure, go ahead. Call me a cheater. Call me a slut, a whore, a bitch, a raging lunatic. It does not at all detract from the truth…that someone else did it to me first, that it was used to make me in the most disadvantaged position of my life, that I cannot possibly recover the damages done or reconcile the things and people I lost in my life. So if you want to judge me, then so be it — I’ve already been more than kind to people who just don’t deserve kindness at all anymore.

If you were me, would you be angry? I held in anger so long without remedy for this person who continues every way possible to try and hurt me, who manipulated me into coming back home so he could reveal a disgusting display of blantant betrayal (that sounded like a complete joke…though it wasn’t),

but I have realized that the only way I can really ever win is to just stop playing and go live my life anyways in spite of him.