Dating : Quarantine Dating

(Artwork by Kim Fujiwara).

We live in such unsexy times. Nobody is getting out and no bodies are receiving physical contact. All these beautiful bodies, hungry to be touched, and all that alluring, lacey lingerie stacked away; patiently waiting to be worn and adorned, just to be torn.

To my surprise, many beauty and skincare websites are now providing vibrators as well, not just face and body massagers. Couples who are married and/or living together are now envied, more than ever, by all the lonely souls out there, while ones separated by the quarantine are suffering. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it then reaches its tipping point and breaks into desperation.

Regardless, some are quite relieved by such separation and feel that they can finally have a breather and be themselves once again. The scenarios are endless, but the lack of physical touch is what’s persistent.

However, despite strict rules of social distancing, and perhaps because of those very rules, more people are becoming aggressive in their sexual pursuit, breaking the quarantine rules and perhaps making regretful choices. We love what is unavailable, and we have been wired to be this way for thousands –if not millions- of years. What I’m saying is that there’s a better way for us to express out eroticism and connect with the other, even with limited or no physical touch, or at least I hope so! For what do I know? This is as new to me as it is for all of us. Still, that’s not going to stop me from entertaining this idea and finding new potential solutions.

Esther Perel has been offering some eye-opening live videos on her Youtube Channel on the subject. And even though she admits she’s just as anxious as all of us are, she still provides us with valuable jewels of wisdom. The best one I heard is that this is a good time to reactivate our brain as the most powerful sexual organ we have, and indeed it is.

If you have a vivid imagination as I do, you will relate when I say that imagination will always beat the real thing, and reality just can’t keep up with the ethereal perfection of fantasy. In fantasy, you can have sex with whomever you want without any consequences nor bumps in the road that often happen IRL, like them saying the wrong thing and totally ruining the mood while offending you in the process, or by turning into an ice glacier the ‘fun’ is over.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t enjoy masturbation at all. I don’t know why, but I just can’t seem to please myself for some reason. I’d rather just wait for the real thing. However, if you’re on the same boat, that still shouldn’t deter you from physically bonding with yourself and experiencing solo intimacy, whether by a long, warm, soothing bath, oiling yourself, or simply appreciating your form in front of the mirror.

It seems that our only option for playing with the other is through video calls, or sneaking in if your curfew allows it (I don’t recommend it). And hey, video chat is not a bad option at all, just make sure your room is locked so nobody walks in on you while you’re fondling your breasts J I think what makes erotic video chat fun is that it plays on the unavailability aspect, so it can be a powerful teasing tool to churn things up until physical contact is an option. Another pretty cool thing about it is that you have more control because there are fewer chances of you losing control and giving it away too soon, this control leads to more teasing time before the grand reveal and that is always a good thing. Just make sure that you are sharing yourself with someone who is trustworthy and appreciates you as a person.

Now, where to find potential partners? Well, it sure is more difficult to lure someone in without going out and meeting people, especially if your social media accounts are private like mine and you haven’t developed a taste for the duck face selfie with all your assets coming out on full display. But hey, it’s not like this approach will get you quality gentlemen, to begin with. I wouldn’t recommend Tinder either because it’s mostly for hook-ups or one night stands.

The safest and most successful way is to familiarize yourself with more mutual friends. I guess many people are on the same boat and that makes Zoom the new hang out place, with all of its limitations being a digital platform and all.

And just like you used to go out to book clubs, musical events or lectures, you can do the same thing online. It’s not as exciting, I know, but let’s hope this is just a temporary fix because I don’t think I’ll be able to accept Zoom meetings or even the previously recommended video chats in favor of the real thing. Regardless, it makes do for now and we can use this time to build new connections while the excitement for a face to face meeting builds up, all the while nurturing existing friendships.