Dating : Reverse Oedipus Complex

This guy I’m semidating’s mom and I talked for like forty five minutes the other day. That’s a new record for the two of us. I was sweating the whole time because she intimidates me since she’s rich and beautiful. She wears Lululemon even when she’s not doing yoga, she shops only at Whole Foods and gets their groceries DELIVERED because that’s something rich people do I guess. She once bought a plane ticket to Maui on a Tuesday and left that Thursday without telling her sons that she would be gone for a week. Her husband and she frequently fly to Mexico or Alaska, Greece or Spain just to ‘get away’, which leaves my sortaboyfriend and I all alone in a mansion eating caviar and drinking $60 bottles of wine. When I want to ‘get away’ I ride my bike to the park and sit under a tree, stare at the sky, and daydream about being on an island drinking a pina colada out of a coconut. Then I go home and eat some pineapple because I don’t know where to find a whole coconut, let alone cut one in half and fill it with a delicious tiki drink. That is how the poor take a vacation; eating some damn Sol fruit cups, dreaming of being somewhere else.

So his mom is beautiful, wealthy, and absolutely in love with her son. My parents love me too, so I know what a healthy child and parent relationship looks like; however, this woman loves her son on a new level that makes my skin crawl. My parents kiss me on the cheek and shower me in hugs, but they don’t kiss me on the mouth and watch my ass as I walk by. My boyfriend’s mom on the other hand, kisses her son like Tom Brady does his.

I’m convinced my whateverwe’recallingourrelationship(boy)friends mom is jealous of me because I’m fucking her son.

One time she said to me: “Eric is perfect at everything. He’s just so smart he can master anything he puts his mind to.” HA. Eric doesn’t even know where my clit is so how smart is he, Linda? Our conversations usually center around her son, because he is the only thing she has her mind on and our love for him is the only thing the two of us have in common.

The one time she and I had a genuine conversation, the forty-five minute one, we just talked. Girl to girl. Not even about her son, but more so about me and my life. She asked me questions about my childhood, my family, my upbringing. I told her about growing up poor and how it builds character, I admitted to her that being in her house made me nervous because I felt too dirty to be there. I made her laugh. She invited me to Mexico, I reminded her that I work full time and go to university so I don’t have any free time. She told me her assistant would figure out the dates. I asked her if she meant Siri. She laughed. She told me:

“I didn’t expect you to be so funny, you look too ladylike.”

……………

I feel like that’s a rude thing to say…but looking back on it, she didn’t expect me to be pretty AND funny. If anything I think she was trying to rationalize with her own emotions. If I was just pretty, that would be one thing. She is arguably more beautiful than I’ll ever be. BUT NOW?! Now she knows I have a personality and I’m funny. Money can’t buy that. Now, she has some serious competition for fucking her son. Game on, Linda.