Dating : Some Love

He’s never said “I love you”

One night after a walk around the neighborhood, I reached into my mailbox and said, “Nothing. No one loves me.” My then-boyfriend promptly said, “But I do.” That was the only time he’s ever said that he loved me, without ever saying the words. I treasure that moment like Mary pondered the memories of little Jesus in her heart — precious, rare, and carefully considered.

I married him and he remains verbally unaffectionate. On nights I weep myself to sleep, he places his hand on my shoulder and takes it away a moment too soon. I want more and wish he’d ask me what’s wrong. But no. It is as though he already knows I don’t have an answer.

He says nothing as I spew out my hostile thoughts toward my parents who are thousands of miles away but still live with me. The food in front of me is cold, like the heart inside me. I worry that he no longer sees me as the warm person he thought he married. He doesn’t offer words of comfort, but neither does he try to help me see. Instead, he continues to eat. And without breaking the somber mood, I do too and quite enjoy the taste.