Dating : Springing into Love — How to Know if You Are Ready for a New Relationship

By Betty Russell

After the long dark months of winter — especially if you lived in a part of the world that got hit hard with cold, snow, and relentless wind chills — you may experience early spring giddiness. That lightness that enters your body somewhere beneath your ribs and gives you a feeling of hope and anticipation. It’s wonderful, isn’t it? If it hasn’t hit you yet, just be patient. As the birds start chirping in the wee hours and the crocuses peek their sweet heads out from the cold mud, you will notice that spring, and change is in the air.

And that means it’s time to brush away the cobwebs of winter and come out to play! Are you ready for a new relationship? There is no better or more joyful time to experience one. Here is a to-do checklist for relationship readiness. If you are on board with most of the list, you are ready!

Has the residue of past relationships been cleared out? Are you free of any emotional, physical, or financial issues that might sabotage a new relationship? (The biggest warning sign that you might not be ready yet is your own self-doubt. Is it well-founded or just normal jitters? If the latter, it’s nothing to worry about. If you are really feeling fragile, it’s best to wait and keep taking care of you for a while.)

Do you know what you want and don’t want in a new relationship? Maybe you learned from past-relationship-trial-and-error, or maybe you have just matured to the point where your needs are clear to you. Whatever it is that you expect and need — settle for nothing less.

Does the idea of change — something new — interest and excite you? Are you ready to live the life you were meant to live, joyfully?

For one thing, it’s sexy. Besides, if you are confident (i.e. you realize how truly magnificent you are), it means your beliefs are aligning with your words and attitude. And you know what that means? You’ll start actualizing all that confidence into the kind of relationship that really does align with the best version of you.

There is a tool people use to see if the new shelves are straight. It’s called a level. It has a little bubble inside it that has to come to rest in the just-right spot so that we know that whatever we are trying to install or build or move is balanced. We all have one of those bubbles inside us. Learn to sense what yours is showing you. If you are living in balance with your own truth, you will feel that little bubble settle right in. It will also warn you when you are being disloyal to your brilliant, authentic self.

I don’t mean diving into a limestone gorge in Australia or rolling out your sleeping bag in Central Park at midnight. I mean — get yourself out there. Try something new! Check out local wine tastings, join a book group, start hiking, biking, or horseback riding. Try new foods at new restaurants. Live it up — You Style

Meet new people. Say hello, make eye contact, engage in conversation. For you extroverts out there, this should not be a problem. But, according to some recent Meyers-Briggs statistics, extroverts make up slightly less than 50% of the population. That means there’s a decent chance you are an introvert. But you still have to get out there and make contact. That’s how it works. You can do it! Be sure to build some regeneration and refueling time in to your schedule.

Or at least check in with yourself to be sure that how you present yourself is how you feel inside. Someone recently asked me, “Is it normal that one haircut could make me feel more like myself than I ever have before?” The answer: absolutely! Our shoes, haircuts, accessories (or lack thereof), and color choices speak of who we are, just as our words and actions do. Whatever makes you love and appreciate yourself — that’s what you’re going for.

Your online profile, that is. If you’ve had the same old tired profile for a while now, it’s time to refresh. If you retired your profile because you were not ready for a new relationship but think you are now, get it out of mothballs and refurbish it. Take new photos and rewrite your information. Maybe sign up on a different site. You’ve grown and changed and learned more about your fabulous self since you made that old profile and you want it to reflect the authentic up-to-date you.

Part of being ready for love is being ready for life. Embracing new thoughts and attitudes and experimenting with new behaviors is one way to create the life you were meant to live and have the relationship you desire. Spring into love this spring and let me know how it goes! I’ll be rooting for you.

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The story was previously published on The Good Men Project.

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About Betty Russell

Betty Russell, BCC is a Dating & Relationship Specialist dedicated to providing Singles with solid information, proven dating skills and an attraction plan to find the right partner. She is your guide to being a smart, savvy, effective satisfied single while dating well, and ultimately finding your true love.