Dating : The Behavior of Almost Relationships: Ethernet Love in the Time of ‘Rona.

By: Kris Lane

It’s a convenient situation now. Zoom dates that don’t have to last more than an hour from the comfort of your couch. A safe look inside without being outside. An impossible way to see how your potential counterpart functions. How they maintain their daily lives, what’s true or a farse.

Online we can toast to another great video chat that ended well. Until you replay the situation and realize I like this person. Who I haven’t met. There are lots of ways to like someone online. There are few ways to love them.

As humans, with the blessing of free will built in often utilized to do ourselves the greatest injustice. The fear of choosing wrong enables us to second guess our own decisions. We know when something isn’t right. It’s not some shit about butterflies that never flutter. It’s that deep down pang that says this is not what I want but society has told me I am wrong. I am wrong not to trust something will bloom. I am wrong because this other person is being so wonderful lavishing me with attention. I am the one not being receptive to this love I’m being given. That innate built in feeling of Fear is there because the behavior exhibited on the other end is the truth you’re over looking. That Fear is your warning sign that it’s time to turn the corner and not drive straight over the edge of a cliff. There is an immense difference between being afraid of being emotionally scarred by someone else, and denying your own needs.

I’ve learned in the last decade of being single that I would rather be partnerless for the next 100 years if that meant I never again have to lie to myself and say I am happy being in a relationship with someone not on the same life page I am, simply for the sake of being in a relationship. It takes many rewrites before we get to the perfect chapter in our story. I prefer my past chapters to not invade the future ones. Free of regret. Free of choices I made to satisfy someone else. Free of rewrites. At some point we have to stop calling our own needs for healthy fulfillment demons and understand honesty is not ugly. Integrity is not selfish, and love languages are some bullshit made up by a mastermind who convinced society being a little selfish with who we give the best of ourselves too with an equal return is a disservice to humanity.

The world was a socially distant place before COVID. This is not a new surprise. The ethernet has not been miraculously filled with “people of quality” that are ripe for the picking. It’s the same folks that have always been there. Just because COVID was the slap in the face society largely needed does not mean you must plunge yourself head first into the ravine to find the person of your wildest dreams. Or convince yourself of it because COVID made you realize your mortality.

The pool is not drying up. On the contrary, it is flooding over. It’s a do or die decision now. Thanks to COVID, humans realized they wanted relationships and human connection. COVID schooled us on the fact, we will die alone. Unlike in the digiverse where your posts have an eternal immortality. Yes my loves, you can die. The key here is to understand loneliness hates this fact. Loneliness doesn’t want to die alone. Loneliness is the most popular date during the great Rona plague. Loneliness is who Fear is sending messages to pump the brakes for. Loneliness takes away that one blessing bestowed on humans. Free will. Is everyone at the online dating pool party lonely? Not likely. But when it’s time to dry up and head home, are you going home alone? Or accompanying loneliness.

Dating in America isn’t for the faint of heart. There’s no rest for the wicked. Advice given to me over a conversation I had with a man I was romantically interested in. He said something important as he turned me down and explained the affections were one sided. I took this advice and have kept it nine years later. If you’re a person with societal scarlett letters, dating is a game with very few players, and limited goes around the board. You either play the game or you don’t. This meant the game board and pieces he had to choose from were different than mine. I wasn’t in those pieces because I am a parent, I am intelligent, and the kicker too much respect for humanity. The game he plays is one with disposable pieces, easily replaced, and a one time use.

Today, the dating game seems to be played by one time use rules. As such the internet game is made for those players. There are people who refuse to play any games, like me. Internet dating is not meant for those who are seeking to build a deep connection. Dating in America in 2010 and beyond is not meant for those who are seeking a deep connection.

Ethernet love in the time of ‘Rona is no different then love in the time of Ebola. The game is the same, only the players stakes have changed.