Dating : “The League” Gave Me What Other Dating Apps Don’t — Time Back In My Day

When online dating started, so did the stigmas attached to it. People were looked down upon for participating. But as with any new technology, we adapted, and it’s now so commonplace that people are no longer ashamed to admit they do it. Whether you love it or hate it, this is dating in the 21st-century.

After my last relationship ended (yes, we met on a dating app) and I felt I was ready to “get back out there”, I returned to the staples I’ve used in the past — Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, etc — in hopes of sparking a new connection. Having not used them in some time, I was approaching the situation with a fresh perspective, and I had an epiphany…

Dating apps are exhausting and addictive.

Apps like Tinder and Bumble make it easy to get lost in a time-sucking, attention-grabbing cycle of persistent swipes. Sure, you’ll eventually run out of prospects for the day, but this can take quite a while if you live in a heavily populated area. There are times I’ve found myself swiping for long periods before realizing I had been pulled into a mindless pursuit of instant gratification through the potential of a match on my next swipe. It’s the matchmaking equivalent of the infinite scroll.

When I finally do pull myself out of one of those prolonged swipe cycles, I feel regret for how I spent my time.

Let’s rewind that. I feel regret for trying to find someone to build a relationship with that will hopefully bring joy for the rest of my life. This should be a rewarding and exciting experience, not one filled with regret. To compliment the pursuit of a healthy and fulfilling relationship, shouldn’t the technology designed to facilitate this be healthy for us, too?

The League is a dating app that’s received criticism for being “elitist” due to its approval process (new applicants are placed on a waitlist and reviewed for membership). The company’s founder, Amanda Bradford, addresses this in an article that explains The League is intended to promote equality in couples — equality in their careers, educations, ambitions, and successes — and this is the reason I joined. If I know what I want in a partner, and that entails a certain level of success and ambition, how is it a bad thing to prioritize those traits in the process of dating?

Some may disagree, and there will likely continue to be some disapproval of the app from certain parties, but regardless of the conflicting opinions around this level of selectivity, there is one indisputable benefit:

The League is the least addictive dating app of them all.

With the freemium subscription, you typically get 3 or 4 potential matches each day. Matches roll in at the 5pm “happy hour”, at which point you can choose to “heart” the person or not. As with other dating apps, you can begin messaging each other if the feeling is mutual. If you don’t go through all your matches from the previous day, you won’t get more. This small number of daily matches makes it nearly impossible to get addicted to the app.

There is a possible counter-argument to this in that the app encourages you to log in daily. Failure to do so impacts your “League Score”, which is used to improve the quality and likelihood of matches. Not logging in for 30 days means your freemium membership is revoked.

Rather than view this as a negative by making users return to the app each day, I see it as a way to ensure users are engaged. And when I’m in the process of looking for a partner, I want someone who’s engaged (with the process, not to be married). I don’t want to be matched with someone who hasn’t logged in for a month.

The limited number of matches that prevents me from being lost in a sea of browsing more than outweighs any negative connotations associated with daily use, making this the most humanely-designed dating app I’ve used. I open it each day after the happy hour, spend a few minutes going through my new matches, respond to any open conversations, and go about my evening.

No trance-like swiping.

No wasted time.

No regret.

In an age of attention-stealing technology — infinite scrolls, cyclical swipes, digital rewards, autoplay video streaming, and the list goes on — The League is a breath of fresh air. My time with dating apps may not be over yet, but I do have some time back in my day.