Dating : Vulnerability Is a Sign of Strength and Not Weakness

Have you ever trusted someone enough to be extremely vulnerable with them, just to see that a few months down the line, you guys no longer speak? Maybe the situation ended badly or perhaps just reached its expiration date.

I can relate to the discomfort that comes with having been so personal with someone who’s no longer in your life.

I’ve had a few friendship breakups where I was sure I’d never let anyone get too close to me again. I didn’t like the fact that someone I was no longer close to or on good terms with knew all this information about me and had seen me at such low points.

In some ways, I felt like I had ‘lost’ a part of myself. I viewed my vulnerability as an investment in that relationship, and when the relationship ended, I lost my investment.

It upset me that someone had seen past the facade I so carefully crafted. I think we can all relate to wanting to preserve a particular image of ourselves in the eyes of others.

However, I’ve realized that I haven’t ‘lost’ anything. I shared my true self with some people, and perhaps it didn’t last as long as I had hoped, but at least it had been genuine. We connected in the ways we did, and I appreciate them for the lessons I learned.

Nowadays, it seems like a competition to see how emotionally detached, we can be. But honestly, why is detachment a point of pride? No one benefits from that.

There’s no reward for being mysterious and always having your guard up.

Vulnerability allows you to connect with people genuinely. When someone sees you being open with them, they are more likely to be open with you in return. This process of sharing allows you to grow closer to people.

What’s the point in forming relationships if you won’t allow people to truly get close to you?

People say this all the time, but everyone has that less composed version of themselves that very few people see. And note that I said very few people because someone will see.

It takes more strength to leave a bad situation and move forward open to trusting someone new again. It shows growth, and it shows healing.

Yes, you were vulnerable, someone hurt you, and it was painful. I understand. We’ve truly all been there. But do you want to continue to move through life holding on to all those grudges with your guard always up?

It’s scary opening up to people with no guarantees. However, COVID-19 has certainly shown us there are no guarantees in life. This pandemic has also taught us how little control we have over things and how quickly our everyday lives can change.

I’m not saying to put all your business out there and to open up entirely to every stranger you meet. Please use discernment. What I am saying, is that for your own sake, let go of all that hurt and try to learn to be vulnerable again.

It seems like we all want intimacy and closeness without the vulnerability that is required to do that. You can’t truly connect with someone if you’re not being your authentic self.

It can seem like a personal rejection when you open up to someone, and they leave your life, or they don’t respond in the way that you want. And that’s understandable.

But also think of how opening up can lead to someone sharing with you in return and you both developing a deeper bond as a result. It’s a risk for sure, but a rewarding one.

When you share yourself with someone, if things go poorly, you still have yourself, and you will heal and move past it. When you hold vulnerability and openness as something that is to be withheld when you do eventually ‘give’ that to someone if they leave, it feels like you’ve lost yourself.

Being vulnerable allows you to share yourself with people instead of giving your entire self to them.