Dating : Why Are We So Obsessed with Relationships

The older I get, the more pressure I feel to conform to societal norms about relationships while simultaneously wondering why this is all we think about. Why does it matter if you get married? Why does it matter what job our partner has? Why does the person we’re dating matter at all really? Like yes, you may be together, but for most people, you separate for the majority of the day and pursue your own goals and ambitions. And yes, I know, this is the person that you share your life and a bond with but why does that matter on so many exterior levels?

I don’t really know where this obsession with relationships began.

But, I realized quite early on that relationships were very important to everyone around me. Starting in junior high, I’d watch my friends go in and out of relationships, declaring their love and then breaking up the next day. In high school, relationships started to take on more meaningful roles and friendships started to take the backseat. I kind of rolled with it, not understanding the hype behind it but by the time university rolled around, relationships were now the only thing that mattered.

One day, I’m thinking of myself as this strong independent person. The next day, I’m in a relationship and I’ve lost all sense of self. I’m referring myself as “this person’s girlfriend” as if this is my identity. My world revolves around this person and I attribute all my accomplishments to this person. I loved it when people asked me about him because that meant that I was his and he was mine. Yes, that’s stupid when I write it down, but that’s how your first love goes. But in a strange way, I also felt burdened and confined by this relationship. All anyone wanted to talk to me about was our relationship. I was into it at the time, but looking back, it’s like I was also up to just my regular life outside of the relationship, why weren’t we talking about that. I also knew people looking on had their opinions and I just wanted everyone to think I was good enough for him. So while the relationship was all encompassing and consuming, the relationship obviously ended because crazy stupid love is very unsustainable.

So, if you think this obsession with relationships will settle when you’re single, it definitely will not. It’s actually worse because it’s not just the people around you perpetuating it but you are too because you’ve tasted the comfort of companionship and that’s all you want. So not only am I now using social media in a very confusing way to analyze everyone’s relationship status, I’m also surrounded by people checking in on if I’ve moved on to my next relationship yet. Okay, let’s also not forget the fact that I was completely emotionally damaged from my last relationship because I was both crazy and stupid.

After a bunch of confusing and awkward dates with random people and a string of ridiculous Tinder “dates”, I finally began to reassociate with myself as an individual. Of course, right around the time you stopped obsessing about how you need to be in a relationship, you meet someone you want to be in a relationship with. After your first love, I think everyone comes away with a more reasonable expectation with what they *can* give and what they want from a relationship. So, obviously the relationship is different, it’s lower key and healthier because you maintain your own identity. You make sure there’s enough of you for you. You’re happy to be together but your life doesn’t revolve around this relationship.

Feels good, you would think?

The answer to that is no. Because society has its own expectations.

Now you’re at an age where people are buying houses, getting engaged and getting married. So now, there’s this new pressure. It’s no longer like harmless “ooohhhhhh is she pretty enough for him?”, it’s legitimate sizing up of the person and wondering if they are marriage material. Analyzing how a person looks on paper. Wondering if they meet THEIR criteria for a good spouse forgetting that probably the most important part of a good partner is one that is supportive and you would never be able to gauge that as an outsider to someone’s relationship. It’s basically like a LOT… of nonsense.