Dating : Why Do We Date??

The Forgotten “Secret” Behind One of Our Most Fundamental Activities…

A couple weeks ago, I wrote an article that introduced you to my feelings on dating after 30. It was a rather general article, designed purely to drive interest and set the stage for a series of dating articles. Today I am writing part 3 in an attempt to break through a mass of issues, pervading dating and relationships, and really hit at the heart of the matter.

Can anyone take a stab at this one? Love guru’s? Ladies? Does ANYONE really know why the hell we engage in the activities that we call, “dating?” As a matter of fact, does anybody even know what dating really is?

So, what is dating? I suppose that this is a question that may be subjective and open to interpretation. But I’m a purist, so forgive me for not caring what the 30million interpretations of dating are. The bottom line is that dating, in a healthy manner, is when two people engage each other in various activities in order to determine if those two people are compatible for life-long companionship. Let me say that again…

Dating is how two people determine if they are compatible for a LIFE-LONG relationship…

What about premarital sex? What about, you know, seeing other people when you’re not in an exclusive relationship to make sure you find the right one? What if you don’t want a life partner?

Thank you, imaginary reader, for those insightful questions.

In my opinion, one of the leading contributing factors in failed marriages is a lack of connection in the bedroom. So, to your first question, I would suggest that premarital sex is a healthy way for two people to explore sexual compatibility. However I have a caveat. Engaging in sex too early in the dating process is ALMOST guaranteed to suck the excitement and passion right out of the relationship.

We’re fickle creatures. We crave intrigue, desire, and want; and we’ll act in many different ways to attain our desires. So, unless there’s a tremendous connection and attraction from the onset, early sex in a relationship tends to deflate the passion. Which, in turn, leads to boredom and a loss of interest.

As for the questions of exclusivity and not wanting a “life partner” — you do you. But if you are dating someone, and you choose not to be exclusive, then you’re never going to be able to give that person the attention required to appreciate whether you are truly compatible. At that point it’s best just to admit that you’re fuck-buddies; ie, not dating.

The life partner issue is a moot one. If you don’t want a life partner then see the paragraph above — find a fuck buddy and stop pretending that you’re dating. Because you’re not. And if you do decide to date, then stop pretending that you’re not looking for a life-partner; because you are.