Dating : Why Your Kids Don’t Talk to You

Kids have no interest in telling you how school was.

School is usually boring for them (and for good reason).

Kids desperately want to tell you about the prank they got in trouble for or the new app they’re using.

But if they’re so eager to tell you, and you’re eager to hear, why do they respond with “It was fine” every time?

Two reasons:

1. You’re asking the question based on what YOU want to know, not what THEY want to tell you.

2. They don’t trust that you’ll treat their answer with humor and non-judgment.

I almost never ask my nieces or nephews how school was. It’s a lazy question. Instead I ask them:

“What’s the funniest thing that happened today?”

“What’s the biggest trouble you’ve been in since I saw you last?”

More important than my questions is my response.

No matter what they say, I treat them with Unconditional Positive Regard and I NEVER antagonize them.

There’s no better way to teach a kid to stop opening up to you than punishing them when they do.

We may tease or joke about the subject, but it’s always from a place of being on the same team.

Over time, they’ve learned that they can trust me (even with the bad stuff).

In turn I open up to them about my life (even bad stuff) and it’s deepened our relationships.

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