POF : How would you feel if only obese women showed interest in you as a healthy weight man?
I present a frustrating Snafu.
– I’m a guy who is normal in weight, into gym/cycling. 170lbs / 5ft10 / 16% bodyfat. I like my ladies healthy. I would say I’m average looking.
– I message healthy weight, mostly average looking women and have a very low response rate. Less than 0.5%. Basically maybe 1 in 200 bothers to reply back and they always flake.
– I’m a small magnet for obese or plus sized women. I don’t msg them but they msg me. Maybe 5 or 6 of them per month. I generally ignore or block if its the same obese woman repeatedly messaging me. I don’t feel the need to tell them they aren’t my type, I’ll end up getting a mouthful of abuse.
I feel pretty bad to be honest, i would say it de-motivates to continue. I put in all the work to go from 187lbs to 170lbs in 2018. Its making me want to quit and look overseas. I have tried the whole « meet women offline in social clubs yada yada ya.. » and it doesn’t work, either. Just want to know if other guys have this happening to them? Are there better platforms?
By. Cynewald
Are you straightforward in a kind manner in your profile that you’re looking for someone active/healthy/whatever? (Just make sure it’s nicely phrased since it can sound kind of off putting to everyone otherwise)
I’m a chubbier woman and when looking for someone online if I read a profile starting that they were looking for someone who really focuses on staying active/was looking for someone to go to the gym/intense weekend hikes/rock climb with/something along those lines I would not message them first since hobby wise we might not be the best match. It’s not a guarantee since not everyone reads profiles but it might help your connections a little bit.
That said, you shouldn’t think of it in an offensive way that they’re attracted to you, maybe you had such a great profile/nice face that they thought it would be a match. Maybe they’re also working on getting fit and just aren’t there yet.
When I was on plenty of fish they actually had a box that I could click that said I was not interested in overweight guys who were obese. No offense to them at all but I am an active girl who loves going to the gym and if the guy had no plans to get into shape or become active and lose whatever weight was causing him issues then it wasn’t going to work out. I wanted to date someone who was active and in shape.
The problem is that some obese people will fill in body type as prefer not to say rather than click on BBW. So it may be filter out BBW but the others are passing through.
I’m surprised that your response rate is so low. It may be due in part to your initial message. Does it include some element that you read their profile? There is a filter that will block initial messages under 50, 100, 200 characters. Your initial message should be a minimum of 100 characters. My response is much higher and I’m old and average.
I dont exactly agree with you. But it is your prerogative and there is nothing wrong with that. I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I hope you find what you are looking for. Good luck!
I dont know bout that.. but I’ve seen some ugly fat guys with gorgeous girls.. the only difference here is they were 6ft+
I think 5 10 is average… I dunno what to tell you.
Say the word “obese” out loud. Does it sound like a positive thing?
Women are often told to give men « a chance » whether ideal or not..how about getting to know some of these women, no one meets their one, they met their 1.5 and round them up or down to being their 1. You know what it is like to lose weight instead of making assumptions about them, after the first date ask if they would be interested in joining you for a run, hike, bike ride, whatever activity. See how that goes you may meet a women who may not be your ideal body type that has some spark and who aligns with you in regards to getting in shape.
You are definitely not alone. The problem is that for any even remotely attractive or even an average looking women, there are literally hundreds of men messaging her so they have no need to message anyone first. The reason you receive messages from overweight women is because they are not receiving messages from anyone and so are much more likely to have to message guys first to get anywhere.
I have similar experiences to yourself. I am in good shape, lift weights, very fit and active lifestyle and and have consistently dated women that I would say are around 8/10 looks wise. Online dating is an entirely different scenario though. I am quite fussy in regards to a healthy lifestyle and similar interests and only message women that I think would be compatible with how I live. These are just average looking women generally, certainly no models or anything out my league. My reply rate is close to zero. I also receive messages fairly often and almost without fail it is from an overweight women and/or women much older than myself.
Online dating is very skewed towards woman and is pretty brutal for any man that is not within the top 5% of males looks wise or income. Even the numbers game is against you. Do a search for women in your area, then do a search for men. For my area, generally the women are mostly single parents, that don’t lead healthy lifestyles. The odd decent women pops up but there’s not that many. Search for men and there is literally hundreds of good looking men, in great shape, with good solid careers. It’s no exaggeration to say that even an average woman will receive hundreds of messages. She literally just needs to pick the best looking thumbnail. They don’t even read 95% of their messages never mind find the time to reply.
The other problem is the rise of social media and instagram. Every single woman regardless of looks or weight thinks she is a goddess now because she has endless amounts of desperado orbiters on instragram liking her filtered pictures telling her she is stunning. How many profiles do you see that have demands like you must be 6 foot, blue eyes, muscled, must earn this amount, must have a full head of hair. And half the time that’s coming from overweight alcoholics with 3 kids to different guys. Online dating is an absolute minefield for just an average man.
You’re just going to probably have to try to meet women in real life. As a generalization you aren’t typically going to find any normal weight women resorting to online dating who aren’t either extremely young looking for frivolous lifestyle/hookups way outside her league, or emotionally-damaged to the level of being undateable. Almost every woman who isn’t physically unattractive is here because they’re undateable for some pretty big reason or another, because in real life it’s damn near impossible for a remotely attractive woman not to have opportunities pop up practically everywhere she shows up.
Sounds like you need to lower your standards.. 🙂
I get it man. So I’m not just trying to talk shit. But unless you are just a shitty human being, I think you could be into a chubby girl if you lower certain expectations. I would prefer to have a sports team cheerleader or swim suit model myself.. but that’s not in the cards for me…