Tinder : Serious question
Hi, don’t know if this is the right place to ask, but I really need some help right now.
I am 20-years old have practically zero romantic or sexual experiences. It’s not that I’m a particularly ugly person or anything (I have seen people far uglier than me get laid), It’s just that I’m very socially anxious and have self-esteem issues.
So I decided to make a Tinder account just out of curiosity. I made a very simple profile, only three photos and without any social media which I don’t have. To my surprise, I got two matches in less than a day, and both seem fairly attractive.
I asked them how they were doing and both said « fine, and you ». I know it sounds pathetic, but I’m panicking.
I really want to experience sex and even a romantic relationship and this women are obviously into me, but I feel completely out of my comfort zone. I fear I might have and anxiety attack.
Can someone versed or Tinder please advice me on how to proceed? I would be extremely grateful.
I’m sorry if this sounds strange, but English isn’t my native language and I have been described as a strange person in the past.
By. bluecritic
Okay the women aren’t « obviously into you » at all.
Sounds like you should get your anxiety in check first if its half as bad as it sounds
home dog, pick one, ask them out, be yourself, if it doesn’t work out. Go for the other one. Even if it’s fake confidence, you gotta be confident.
It doesn’t matter, don’t worry so much about saying something that will put off these particular few people, experiment and you’ll get better at interacting as time goes on. You probably won’t have success with your first few matches because you’ll be figuring out how to present yourself and stuff, so don’t think the stakes are so high. If something doesn’t work out there will be other opportunities
Going into it expecting/hoping for sex is just gonna get you psyched out. Take a deep breath, relax, and tell them about your day. Crack a joke and throw out some compliments. It’s about quantity not quality on tinder. Ok it’s about quality too but you get the point. Shoot your shot, and if they’re not into it there’s 1000 more girls for you to swipe on.
And if all else fails, have a few beers and smoke a blunt. Foolproof anxiety cure right there
The saying « whats the worst that could happen? They say no? » Is true. Just go for it dude. Youd be surprised. Also if your not that experienced then look locally. See who you may like that you have an experience with in a day to day experience. Studies show that around 38% of people suggest work/school is a good place to meet people that you end up marrying(granted 15% of relationships in high school occur, and 28% from college) but it gets your foot in the door. The same studies show that people have the best experience with relationships of they spend 3-4 hours together already as is. Our brains trick eachother into feeling attracted to someone farmiliar(aka safe). This is why it seems like actors in hollywood date/marry coworkers.
Secondly if you cant be confident in yourself youll wind up regretting either settling with the wrong person, feeling sad for them or yourself and end up sabotaging yourself or someone good for you, and or you miss out on something amazing. 97% of men struggle even bringing up their feelings to a woman seriously. You’re not alone. But being that 3% means something more, be confident your self, your body, your mind. You’ll get the girl of your dreams without Tinder. Tinder is just a tool. Not a cheat sheet to the finals.
Just remember there’s lots of girls with anxiety and self-esteem issues too. As long as you don’t center the conversation around it, you can even admit to being nervous and you’ll often just seem more relatable, just laugh it off and you’ll be fine. And if it doesn’t work out? She wasn’t meant for you anyways, just keep on moving. It will get easier after awhile too.
Get a book on social anxiety. Go to a therapist. Work on the way you think.
just be your self man try to find somethings you have in common get her snap ask her to hang out and if you are that anxious you might want to see the doctor about it and get a mild anti anxiety medication. you could also buy a xanax and take half of it before you meet up with the girl i know this is iffy but your ability to relax and be your self will increase insane ammounts