Tinder : Story Time – Week of July 22, 2019
Feel free to use this thread to discuss all of your Tinder dates from the past week.
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Feel free to use this thread to discuss all of your Tinder dates from the past week.
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The First
Hi again everyone, hope you’re all doing well. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I’m going to be writing about some of the dates I’ve had since I’ve decided to quit the OLD game. For context, I had just gotten out of a long term relationship when I decided to try Tinder for hookups. Here’s the story of the first guy I met up with.
Heads up, this story is **NSFW** and **long**. As I said before, I want to use these stories to process this time of my life fully and practice writing, so they’ll typically be pretty long. Collapse my comment if you don’t want to read a novel.
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He had super-liked me. I got a slight rush as his profile popped up with a blue border and a little star. Although we would only have a small experience together, I think The First actually cemented the « type » I would pursue for most of my time on dating apps. He was a cute guy with an average build who seemed intelligent and at least a little nerdy. It is impossible to say if this was my actual type anyway, or if I was subconsciously going after similar men because he was my first success.
I started the conversation, pointing out that his bio had made me laugh. We talked about school, because we went to the same college and would both be graduating soon. In the middle of this innocuous conversation, he said, “[My name], ya damn hot.” That night was the first time my heart truly fluttered in a long time. I laid in bed and tossed and turned and grinned. I felt warm and wanted.
He was straight to the point, saying that he was really busy with his final year and would be away for the entire summer, so he was just looking for something casual. I was happy to hear that, and we began arranging plans. One night, we were sexting so heavily that I asked if we could call, and I practically drooled over his voice. He said he loved my laugh and the half-and-half accent I had. I could barely sleep that night after being so riled up.
Over the next couple days he would keep postponing to study, until I broke him. He had messaged me that morning saying that he couldn’t meet up yet, and I teased him but didn’t push it. At the same time, I arranged drinks for that night with a friend I had been crushing on. It wasn’t necessarily a date, but I would have been happy if it went that way. I needed some kind of release after all this tension from The First.
I later sent him a selfie I had just taken of myself, because his fondness was making me feel more confident than I had in ages. Something about that flicked a switch for him. The texts came in like rapid fire — “Fuck.” / “You’re so cute.” / “Could we meet tonight?”
But I wasn’t one to ditch a friend, so I told him I had other plans. We continued talking and teasing each other, and I asked if he was the jealous type. When he said no, I told him that I was meeting up with someone I was into. He responded, “That’s kind of hot. You can get with him but you’ll think of me the whole time.” I couldn’t argue; it was true. He also told me to make sure I don’t accidentally say his name instead of my friend’s, which was a definite possibility at this stage.
He made one request. “Pick something dirty that you’ll only do with me, not him.” I knew it right away, but refused to tell him until we met.
Just an hour before I was meant to go out for drinks, my friend let me know that he was feeling unwell. He still wanted to go for a drink, but he would stop after one.
I called The First and told him about the change of plans. When I asked if he wanted to meet later tonight after the drink, the excitement in his voice was palpable. “Yes. Yes definitely.”
The drink with my friend was inconsequential. It might have been more, if I didn’t have The First on my mind so strongly. As soon as we were wrapping up, I sent him a text that I would be done soon, knowing that he lived far away. To my surprise, he opted for a cab and reached the bar we’d agreed upon very quickly. I ran back to my apartment to douse myself in deodorant and check that the place wasn’t trashed. My stomach did little somersaults as I realized that he would be here so soon.
I found him at the bar ordering our drinks. He was slightly taller than me, but something about him felt meek. He carried himself well, but almost as if he were ready to be knocked over any instant. I gave him a big hug and could immediately feel his nervousness. I dispelled his anxiety and felt washed over by waves of calm — a defense mechanism I’ve had all my life. And which apparently drives men wild.
“You’re nervous,” I remarked when we sat down.
“You’re not?”
“Nope.”
“*Nope*,” he said in a mimicking tone.
I smiled. I felt powerful.
We made small talk until he asked if he could kiss me. I practically laughed, realizing that we hadn’t done that yet. It was a short, hesitant kiss on his end. I wanted more, but he wanted us to finish our drinks as quickly as possible.
He surprised me by asking about my last relationship, and I winced. He apologized, probably assuming that the wince meant it hurt to talk about, but it didn’t. I knew that he wouldn’t see me the same when I said how long it had lasted. We were young, and relationships like the one I left didn’t happen often.
When I said that it had been almost five years, I saw the change in his eyes. This was a lot to process. I didn’t care to go any further with it.
As soon as we had our final sips, he stood up. The rush he was in was so humorous to me, but I held back my laugh. Instead, I put on my coat as slowly as possible, and picked up his glasses as he nearly left them on the table.
Oddly enough, I remember very little about the actual sex, but I remember small moments. He grazed my back as I fiddled with the lock to my apartment. He slid his fingers through my hair, then clutched at it where it met the nape of my neck. He said my name many times.
He did remember to ask about the dirty thing I planned to save for him. For the first time that night, I felt slightly shy as I said, “I want to suck on your fingers.” But when he gave them to me, I wasn’t shy at all. I held eye contact as I swirled my tongue around them and stuck them down my throat. He only let me do it for a couple minutes before he begged me to do the same to his dick, and I happily obliged.
He came quickly after penetration. We laid on my bed and just looked at each other. He took his knuckles and very gently tapped them on my forehead. For some reason, that tiny action was what I would think about most in the days afterward. If I missed him, I would tap my own knuckles against my forehead.
He surprised me again by asking if I was really over my ex. I asked him if I seemed like I wasn’t over my ex, and he admitted that I didn’t. I let his response linger as my own answer.
When I used the bathroom afterward, he stood in the doorway and asked if he smelled Chinese food. But I didn’t always understand his accent, so I thought he had asked if he smelled like Chinese food. I got up real close to him, sniffed him, and said no. I wasn’t embarrassed when we realized the misunderstanding. I laughed, he smiled lightly. He still hadn’t figured out how to relax.
Eventually he said that he needed to be up early tomorrow to continue studying, and I let him go fairly easily. I expected to be more upset. But part of me was relieved that the anxiety that radiated off him was gone. I played video games and thought little of him that night.
His text the next morning said that he had a great time, and he was sorry if he seemed stressed. I replied that I would like to see him again, but I didn’t want it to be a chore for him. We made tentative plans for after exams, but it would never happen. That was my last time with The First.
So after my [last post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/cdngme/story_time_week_of_july_15_2019/euedoqx) I’ve decided to chill and not send a single message out so I could gauge who (if anyone) would reach out to me. Not (just) for shits and giggles but also because of an unusually busy working week.
The whole working week has gone by and not a single message came in. Not that I expected anything different.
Apparently the weekend will be spent solely with friends and family. No dates. Not that this is bad.
Man I feel like shit.
Recently out of a 7 year relationship. Took a bit of time off and just started to explore the dating apps. No clue what I’m doing. Found Hinge to be the most successful but turns out it’s way more serious. Girl just blew up at me when I tried to be up front about expectations by text before our date. Reporting, blocking, personal insults. It’s really fucking with my head. Lesson learnt I guess, stick to Tinder if not looking for commitment. Where does Bumble fit into all of this?
Has anybody found a cuddle buddy through tinder? I’m trying one out atm, but this guy is hot and cold. We cuddle, makeout, sometimes he gropes but is very respectful. I know he’s at least physically attracted to me, he keeps saying I’m pretty and he’s said I’m a great kisser. But then he seems to suddenly lose interest, like he cancelled without rescheduling a while back and now I seem like I’m more into this than he is. He’s not looking for hookups as he’s been hurt recently and told me he’s emotionally unavailable. We still text everyday but it’s about random stuff.
I’m just kind of confused on if he actually likes me. One moment he seems insecure, like he asked if I « settled » for him, and the other moment he’s like not into me at all. He’s too nice to be a player, are cuddle buddy relationships usually like this?
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Totally bragging.
I’ve always been quite successful on the apps, but lately it’s like heaven gates have opened for me. Matching with beautiful, smart, funny girls left and right.
Honestly, don’t have enough energy to go out with most of them, but have picked out three girls who I’m most interested in. Will be going on dates Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
They all match my type, as in reserved and well composed. No crazy half naked pictures, just natural beauty and wits.
Was talking to a girl on Coffee Meets Bagel last week. The 7-day window was coming to a close and we couldn’t get together since were both busy over the weekend (I was taking a long weekend out of town with some friends) so I got her number and told her we’d make plans when I got back.
I got back and texted her last night, never heard back. Is it bad form to shoot her another message in a day or two or should I assume she’s not interested and move on? I’ve actually never gotten a number and then no response to the text, so I’m not sure what the proper etiquette is.
Hi everyone, I hope the Tindering is going well.
I was going at the Tinder game pretty aggressively for the past couple months, but I’ve decided to stop because it’s been exhausting recently. I’ve had a fair few dates and as a natural introvert I find it fascinating that I met so many people I never would have otherwise.
I’ve always found writing to be the best way for me to process and move on from things, so I made this throwaway with the intention to write a bit about each of my dates. But I want to make each of these stories slightly long just to practice my writing, and focus on what I learned from the dates rather than just what happened.
Would the Story Time thread be the right place to do it, or are there better options for what I want? I can always come here and link to the stories if it’s inappropriate to host them on these threads. Thanks in advance for any help!
Im still with the daughter of a friend. Its been a little over a month since we met. Im 23 shes 19. Shes great and we spend as much time as we can with how busy i am but we also had a talk about whether or not to be exclusive since she moves out of province for school. We had one talk and then never really talked about it again so i figured whatever just keep it how it is. Fun.
Matched with a couple different girls since but the stand out was a cam girl. I was talking with this girl for about a week before she cane clean that she did camming for extra money. Cool. Its the first time iv met anyone so not only did i not care, i was really interested in the job. We hung out i asked a bunch of dumb questions about it and then we had pretty decent sex.
I told the other girl about her because i didnt want to be sketchy about it and i want to make sure all was well, iv cheated before im not that person i dont want to do it. So iv been telling her about the hookups. After this she confesses that maybe exclusive is what she is looking for. She said she hasnt really dated anyone just hooked up so she wasnt sure. But im happy, shes happy, cam girl isnt as happy but understands and still answers my dumb questions.
Bye tinder. See you in a month or two i guess
Girl and I were messaging. She was slow to respond but then messages saying a date would probably cost me $40 and said she would hook up with me if I just venmo’d that amount to her instead.
From my opening impressions of bumble I have concluded that I if I happen to spontaneously combust outside H&M I better hope there’s a trans person around because I’m apparently bloody invisible to women ! It’s weird swiping on these apps and thinking, ah she’s beautiful in her own way but her physical deformities aren’t quite pronounced enough and she doesn’t have 4 kids so there’s no way she’d be interested, better not swipe her because getting denied will just lower my elo score !
Swiped yes on about 1000 now and got 1 match that expired after the 24 hours, I did get another two likes but I could see who they were from the preview picture and they were both transgender which isn’t what I’m looking for so I swiped no. It’s showing me women who are noticeably more attractive than the average on Tinder but even the less desirable girls don’t have time for poor old me, this app is pure suicide fuel lads !
Had an odd meetup last weekend. I knew it probably wouldn’t lead anywhere meaningful (I’m late 20’s, she’s 19), but I gave it a chance.
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We hit it off great while texting during the week, but on the day we met, some rather odd bits happened- she called me repeatedly while at work to share random details (« My mom lives just down the street from you! »), and she decided she’d be heading straight to my place after work, so I’d need to supply her with clothes to change into. Seemed a little unnecessary and forcefully intimate, but I’m a weird guy, and I roll with life’s weirdness.
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She was much more timid and insecure in person, but we were meeting for the first time, go figure. I gave her a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt, and she showered. We smoked a bowl (my first time getting high in months, and I wasn’t digging it) and talked for a while. She had no idea what to make of my PC setup (ultra-wide 1440 monitor, case with a tempered glass window, lots of audio peripherals, etc.). We shifted into drawing and attempted to collaborate on a piece, but we couldn’t quite get the ball rolling (we’ve both fallen out of art in the last year+).
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We had difficulty communicating- it became clear that she’s much more of a visual, artistically geared person, and I’m very technically/ analytically minded. She often struggled to find the words to express herself, and though I could tell she wasn’t stupid, it was offputting. Chalk it up to age difference and us being high.
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We grabbed dinner and watched part of a movie (she fell asleep halfway through). We were curled up in my bed, and we ended up making out, half-asleep. Things heated up, clothes came off, and we fucked a few times through the night, despite her being on her period (it wasn’t a big deal, she was on light flow, neither of us were bothered).
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We showered the next morning, grabbed breakfast from downstairs, and spent most of the day smoking and talking. We wound up watching another chunk of the movie we’d left off, then settled into a nap (a storm was beginning to sweep in). We woke up again, had sex, then tried to decide how to spend the rest of the night.
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It was getting late, and I was feeling nauseous from low blood sugar (we hadn’t eaten since that morning), so I stumbled downstairs and put the oven on preheat to bake a pizza. It was about 11PM, and she suddenly decided it was getting late and she’d need to take off. She insisted she should leave because I had work the next day, so I went along with it. Strangely, she didn’t change back into her own clothes, but instead said she’d return mine next time we met.
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I walked her to the door, and our goodbye was pretty whatever- it was lightly raining, so she said it was cool, she’d walk to her car, and we just kinda… parted. The fact that we were both starved and still high probably made the exchange worse than it would have been. But in retrospect, I wish I’d simply hugged her, or said something. I was confused by her leaving despite knowing I was prepping a pizza, and I was thrown off by her keeping my clothes, it just felt weird. She texted me after pulling up at her mom’s place down the street and said she remembered the pizza after she left and felt silly. I replied saying it had struck me as odd, but I assumed she knew what she was doing.
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I texted her the next morning from work (Monday morning, she was off), and it seemed like we were all good. But then I asked if she might want to drop by briefly that night, jokingly saying we’d never grabbed ice cream as intended (and hoping to give her an opportunity to return my clothes), and she went dark. Texted her later that night, said I was sorry if it had come across weird.
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Few days later now, I texted her to ask how her new job opportunity went, just checking in, sent a meme because we’d been exchanging them. Radio silence. We’re still matched on Tinder, and her profile changes popped up in my feed. Guessing I’m being ghosted, and I lost my pajama pants, shirt and socks to top it off.
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Oh well. I think we both knew this wasn’t heading anywhere meaningful- the differences in age, personality and communication styles were ultimately too much. It’s been a long time since I met someone new, so above all else, I’m just glad we took the leap and tried. I can’t help but feel discouraged though; it feels like a reaffirmation of my struggle to open up/ connect with other people, to see the good in them through my mental criticism. Yet another one for the rearview mirror.
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Anyways, it was a strange experience, and I have no one to share it with, so thanks for reading!
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Edit: She texted back this evening as if nothing ever happened. I had asked how she was feeling earlier today, so she mentioned being stressed out. I’m really not sure what to think. I know she’s going through a lot (her dad passed away last month), and she’s trying to move eventually/ land a job closer to family, but it’s a sharp contrast between how she was previously (overly communicative) vs now (I legitimately thought I was being ghosted). Maybe I’m not far off with my conclusion, only it’s not as severe? i.e. the illusions are all gone, so we’re not biting at the bit to communicate, and additionally, she’s super stressed?
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Looks like I may have leapt to conclusions, and the pajama pants still live! We will see!
Meh, I’ve been on a couple of dates over the last month.
However, only one was promising (from OKC), but that exact day and week I wasn’t feeling well physically, had to go to the doctor. Things are better now, but that girl has gone back to our neighbors to the north.
« The one that got away (from Hinge), » we had a good talk the first night, Sunday night. And then we decided to meet Monday night as well for dinner, the death knell.
The same fire and cordialness we had Sunday just up and disappeared. You can see us both trying, wanting to make the conversation go somewhere but it just didn’t happen. There wasn’t that much else to talk about.
And I wanted to talk again to her but we mutually agreed over text to just end it that night. Also we were looking for different things. This one is going to hang on my mind for just a little bit longer.
Lesson learned: If there’s second date, go do something, some kind of activity or not. Meh.
had two very….eh dates this week for the first time in months. first date guy was straight up from me about what he wanted (he was studying abroad in the country im from) so i got excited to meet him for shits and giggles. but hes leaving in a week and im not too keen one night stands so im not sure if i’ll see him again. but i had a fun time hanging out with him. second date, guy lied about his height (not by a lot but you know still lied lol). we had a fine time getting drinks but thats it. nothing bad thankfully in both dates.
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fwb didn’t invite me to his bday celebration even tho he came to mine…im not salty or anything. whatevs
I recently reached out to a girl from the app who I had gone out with maybe a year ago and saw just a few times (we had hooked up once) after us pretty much mutually ghosting each other. To be honest I was just kinda horny and thought it might be an easy hookup option. But I guess she didn’t want to hook up and just wanted to chat over drinks. I paid for the drinks and she was like ok but I’ll pay next time we get drinks. I kissed her at the end of the date and after she was like we’ll get drinks again. Ended up getting ghosted when I asked a few days after that if she wanted to go bowling with me lol. I wasn’t too upset but it still sucks getting ghosted.
I was supposed to go on a date from Bumble last night. She bailed on me in the morning because something at work came up, fine. I was pretty busy during the day, but at one point during the evening, I went on Bumble for a second because I had one match with 8 minutes left. I messaged her, she was out at a bar event, and I randomly thought « hey, we should be spontaneous and I meet you there », and she said, « sure, let’s do this! » Turned into a good night, would do again.
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Does anyone else feel apathy after a date like there wasn’t any connection at all? Like even after a hookup the first thing I want is them to be out of my house. I been feeling this lately. I just can’t forge a connection with any of these girls.
Picture I wanted to share but isn’t worthy of a new post:
[I was expecting to be unmatched or ghosted](https://imgur.com/a/l0qPZmS). App says shes now over 200km away.
Third date with a girl that I’ve been talking to for a few weeks. Went to a beach near her place, talked, subathed, and swam for a few hours. Then she invited me over and I stayed the night.
Aaand I have a strong feeling that this is going to be a thing. We did a lot of lovey-dovey stuff and I slept calmer than usual next to her (this is not common). She has a damn near perfect body, is super laid back and open about everything, and we can talk for hours without ever getting bored.
I met this one girl on tinder and everything was great. We were kind of seeing each other but I really felt deep down that I wasn’t ready and cut things off. However, one thing that consistently bugged me was how she never had anything to say to me. I seriously do not mind talking about grass cause at least you’re talking to me about something. But is it actually a valid reason to not want to be with someone because you have to control the conversation every single time, but be told out of honesty that you talk a lot?
RIP tonight. Second date, took her to sushi all was going great. Had so much in common with each other and the laughs were plentiful.
Go to drop her off at her place make a move and start making out, it lasts about 30 seconds and then she says “I’d invite you up, but I’m pretty damn tired” and that was it… this was a few hours ago and I haven’t messaged her since dropping her off. Pretty sure if I were to leave it I would never hear from her again.
Chalking it up as a big fat L, but there is a chance she was just tired because she hasn’t had much sleep this week due to her hectic school schedule (It’s her last week before she finishes for good).
Don’t think I’m going to reach out, but what do you guys think?
So this happened yesterday. I went out with this girl I met on tinder. We were having a good time enjoying my company eating dinner. The sun sets kind of late this time of year and the restaurant we were at had a cute view of the ocean. So we sat outside, at our healthy meals and just chatted.
So we chillin and this guy comes and sits by us, and omg was he awful! He was overweight and had some nasty ass hair! Worst of all was his sense of is style. He was wearing these super baggy sweat shorts in a like dark green color with this black video game shirt. So I ask my date if she wants to leave because the sight of this guy is just revolting to me. So we leave and on the way to my car I let it out and tell her how much that guy grossed me out and how much I hate gamers. I went in too! Lol I brought my A game to that rant. She wasn’t amused, she was like “I’m a gamer and that’s so offensive” blah blah blah. And then she took out. $20 handed it to me and said thanks for dinner but I’m gonna take an Uber home and walked away from me. Fucking fat gamer ruined my date and my chance to hit it
How not to tinder: friend at work told me that she went on a tinder date the other day to watch the bachelorette and the guy couldn’t stop crying.
I got two matches right away…but was too nervous to say anything. Now I can’t get one at all. Anyone else have anxiety like me?
Anyone else and their Tinder date ready to raid Area 51 with the new Tinder badge?
Don’t you hate when you match with someone and they turn out to be there just to sell premium. Like make it known on your profile or your just wasting time.
Got about 6 plus matches with my dad bod 21 year old self… trying to swipe more but still have only successfully started a convo with 1 female but I guess it’s a start
Anti story. Matched with a couple people during a family vacation. Family left earlier than me so I had half a day to myself. Sent out messages to all my matches that I could grab lunch before I left sorta just as a Hail Mary. Wanted someone local to show me around a bit. One girl said yes! Very excited.
She said she’d be around the place I was staying around lunch so we were going to meet and chat. Lunchtime comes around and she doesn’t show. Theres some kind of issue with her roommate and her bike. Anyways now I’m sad because I got stood up. She could have just said no or not responded and it would have been fine if she didn’t want to meet. If she did thanks for giving it the old college try but it didn’t work out this time. Now I’m depressed at the airport.