10 ways to respond to a declaration of love that is not reciprocal
This man is crazy about you. Yes but here it is, it is not reciprocal. Telling him is not always easy, especially if you care about him. Suddenly, we often draw on the ultra-cliché, by telling it « I prefer that we remain friends » (even if it’s totally true) or even the « I’m not ready » (which is often totally false. ). To limit the damage and his fear of facing this moment, there are a few tips.
1. Prevention. If you are close to a man whom you adore but with whom you do not want to go any further, you must avoid making him believe that a door is open on that side. And as men sometimes have trouble distinguishing « friendship » and « more than that », show him that it is very clear on your side, by talking to him about your friend or men you have in mind.
2. Take a step back. Keep in mind: you may be awesome, there are plenty of other girls out there so he’ll get over it. You’re going to tell him that you don’t have a feeling of love with him, not that he’s going to die tomorrow, eh!
3. Tell her that you are affected. You’re going to tell me he doesn’t care since you’re going to decline his advances. Not at all ! Not showing that you are sensitive to what they told you, on the other hand, would be to shut the door completely on her face by ignoring her feelings. If he did not have your heart, at least he will say to himself that he managed to reach it a little and therefore that he matters to you. And that, if you care about him, it’ll do both of you good.
4. Tell her it was brave to do this. Telling someone that you really appreciate them, or even love them, is a bit like diving off the edge of a cliff: it takes guts. By sharing his feelings with you, he bared himself by taking the risk of taking a big rake, all because he said to himself that he might have a chance to be by your side. And that has a name: courage. So, by pointing out to him, we considerably reduce this moment of embarrassment for him (therefore for us).
5. Tell him the truth. To avoid: the « I’m not ready ». If it does not always ring false, it leaves hope in these men who will perhaps continue to hope, in secret or not. The « I’m not ready » is actually very often synonymous with « you are not the good one », because we are generally ready, basically, for « the good one ». If it doesn’t work with him now, that often means it won’t work with him at all. So be honest and just tell him that “for various reasons it won’t work” with him.
6. Explain to him. We avoid that if he doesn’t ask us, because it can put us in a situation that is at least uncomfortable. But if he asks us the question, it is because he needs answers. The best is to explain your expectations to him and show him that they are not compatible with his, while avoiding saying too much and using diplomacy. And besides, it might free you from some weight.
7. Don’t have a dramatic tone. Well, it’s not a good time to spend for him so we will avoid making him feel even more with a look full of pity, a hand behind his back that smacks of charity or a tone that resembles a symphony of violins . We show him that we find that what he has done is courageous and we are firm, yes, but while keeping a few smiles, a tone a little light or even a few valves, just to relax the atmosphere for him and for us .
8. Don’t ask her to be friends. « But we can remain friends, if you want! » This sentence is a big stab in a wound. Honestly, who wants to hear that sentence that automatically makes the person feel like a big ugly (« ha ok, you want us to be close but not so close. Is that because I’m ugly? » « ). And now that you have broken a heart, you are not going to ask too much of it! So you explain to this man that you understand that he needs time and to get away, if he wants to. And us, it also takes a lot of pressure off us.
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