the 10 Differences game
Why do we stay in a toxic relationship? Quite simply because most of the time, we are not even aware that our relationship is doing us more harm than good. We veil our face and refuse to see the truth: this partner is toxic and he has a bad influence on us and on our mental health. We look for excuses and justifications for her just to be able to stay in love a little longer, just to stay in a relationship.
We convince ourselves that by staying and making enough efforts, we will succeed in changing this man and transforming him into the person of our dreams. But, this conviction is much more naive than anything else. So we continue to hurt each other and cling to this toxic partner because our relationship has become a real addiction. With him, we have the impression of having someone to count on even if, deep down, we know perfectly well that he would leave at the slightest problem.
By dint of being in a toxic relationship, we manage to convince ourselves that this is the way love works. You have to put in a ton of effort to be happy. But, in reality, this kind of romantic relationship is mostly based on fear. We remain in a relationship even if it destroys us little by little because the society and the education we have received lead us to believe that it is better to be in a dysfunctional relationship than alone.
Indeed, the media and even some parents circulate received ideas such as the fact that a woman cannot function alone and that she needs a guide and a partner to help her through the tumults of life. Honestly, just writing this makes me shake with rage! The patriarchy in which we continue to live unfortunately still today, gives us a completely weakened and lost image of women. Like we don’t even have a brain.
It is for this reason that we stay much longer than necessary in our toxic relationships and it is also because of this that we are afraid of celibacy. However, being alone is the only way that exists to find the right one, the one who understands us and who will treat us as an equal. A man who will never take us for granted and who will be mature enough to talk about his emotions. And, it is only when you experience this balanced relationship that you will understand how different it is from all of your previous relationships.
You deserve to be treated as an equal
If you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s time for you to sincerely ask yourself: Why are you sticking with this man? What is good for you? Wouldn’t you be happier on your own? You have to learn to live alone and to accept yourself as you are in order to be able to live happily as a couple with a man who is truly worthy of you.
If you are coming out of a toxic relationship and are afraid for your future lover, don’t worry! You will find the right one and at that point you will finally see how this new relationship is more fulfilling and fulfilling than any you have known so far. To help you understand what to expect once you have a balanced romantic relationship, I suggest you take a look at the following parallel.
Read also : Your partner is toxic: the 10 telltale signs
The daily life of a toxic relationship:
Every toxic relationship is different. Some are unhealthy because the partner is violent, others because he is narcissistic and so on … However, there are many situations that are found in each of them.
1. The toxic relationship is like being held hostage.
Every little problem, every obstacle, every problem that arises calls your relationship into question. Whenever something goes wrong, the word “break” is pronounced as a threat. When a situation isn’t right for your partner, they tell you that they can’t stay in that kind of relationship. So instead of asking yourself why you have distanced yourself from him, he hits you with a line like “I can’t be with someone who is constantly cold with me!”
He is perfectly aware that you are in love with him and that you are therefore ready to do anything to keep him. He thus uses your “weak point” against you. He manipulates you to force you to behave as he wishes without taking into account your emotions or your desires. Clearly, you should be honored to share the life of such a man and if you break his rules it is Bye Bye, baby. It leaves you no room for your personal development or for your own happiness. Everything must revolve around him or else separation is guaranteed.
2. In a toxic relationship, the partner (s) is (are) passively aggressive.
This kind of behavior is typical of a toxic relationship. Your partner leaves you clues about the attitude they want you to adopt. Since he cannot communicate in a normal way, he passes his message on in the form of innuendo or jokes in order to manipulate you and change you in order to correspond to his ideal. And, when upset or angry, he uses the same manipulation technique.
Indeed, instead of simply telling you what is wrong, he chooses to turn the situation around and make you angry too. Why ? Because that way, he has a legitimate reason to behave like a bastard to you. After all, it was you who expressed out loud what he refused to say so, in the end, you are the villain of this story. Twisted? Oh yes, completely!
3. In a toxic relationship, you are responsible and guilty of your partner’s emotions.
Let’s take a simple example. Your partner had a really bad day at work but didn’t tell you about it. So you chose to go out with your girlfriends for a drink or two instead of staying with him and cuddling him all night. Nothing wrong with that… Except if… You are completely callous, heartless and selfish. Hmm… where did it all come from all of a sudden? Well, you are not a telepath and of course that is a problem in a toxic relationship.
Your partner expects you to always be there for them so they can watch their different mood swings to find out if they’re okay or not. You have to constantly know what is on his mind and how he is feeling. So you are like a therapist who is supposed to help him solve his problems and manage his emotions but without knowing what happened or how he really feels. Good luck !
4. In a toxic relationship, you score points …
Who did what and how many times? You argue all the time about who is most involved in your relationship and who makes the most efforts, compromises, or sacrifices. And, as soon as something goes wrong with your relationship, your partner blames you. He kept your every word and every gesture in mind so he could use them against you later. Nothing is forgotten and nothing is forgiven.
Even though you’re the one who goes out of your way to make your relationship work when something goes wrong, your man manages to trick you into thinking it’s all your fault. Did he yell at you? It’s because you pushed him to the limit. Is he distant? It’s because you’re too clingy. He always has an answer for everything but never takes responsibility for his mistakes. And, he never admits to being wrong.
5. When you are in a toxic relationship, you become insufferable to others.
While two people who share a balanced relationship shine when they’re together, those in a toxic relationship exude a certain negativity that makes everyone around them uncomfortable. Moreover, very often, it is your loved ones who will talk to you first about your couple’s problems. Didn’t he react a little too violently? Isn’t he trying to control the way you behave? These questions are a more or less subtle way for those around you to tell you: leave him !
Even if in public you try to control yourself, the tension that exists between you shines through and becomes visible to everyone. You can lie or make excuses for him, it won’t change a thing. You will not be able to convince your friends or family that this man is good for you because they can see that you are unhappy and stressed.
The benefits of a balanced relationship:
Eventually, once you’ve had enough of this toxic relationship, you’ve decided to leave your partner. After an intense and long healing period, you finally have the opportunity to have a healthy romantic relationship with an almost perfect man. But, everything seems new to you because it is an experience that you have never had.
6. In a balanced relationship, you have the opportunity to learn and grow.
This new man is always there to support you and to encourage you to become a better version of yourself. Yet he is absolutely not trying to change you and he does not complain about your character, even if it can be difficult to deal with at times. He accepts you and loves you as you are. Over time, you will start to remember what you really wanted. You will understand that you absolutely did not want to spend the rest of your life pleasing a man who could never be satisfied.
For the first time ever to see life, you can finally be who you really are. But, because of your past traumas, you will tend to analyze everything: his behavior, his words and your romantic dates. You will expect to relive the same as before when in fact this love story is completely different from anything you have experienced so far. You might even think it’s too good to be true, but your new partner will prove to you that you can trust him and that he’s here for the long haul.
7. In a balanced relationship, you do things that you both enjoy.
Your day isn’t just going to revolve around your partner anymore. Finally, you will be able to do activities that both appeal to you and you will have the necessary time to devote yourself to your passions. You will once again discover that life can offer great opportunities to develop your creative, spiritual and adventurous side. You won’t be ashamed to say that you love dancing and would like your partner to accompany you to classes.
Moreover, he will be happy to do so because it will be an honor for him to be introduced into your universe. This new man will also do anything to include you in his sports and / or personal activities in order to prove to you that you do have a special place in his life. He doesn’t see you as a woman who is there temporarily but as someone who will stay for the long haul.
8. After an argument, you don’t feel like the world is falling apart around you if you are in a balanced relationship.
Even if, because of your unhappy experiences in love, you are convinced that only toxic relationships lead to arguments, this idea is wrong. You’re also going to have clashes with your ideal man, but the difference is, you won’t feel like it’s the end of the world and it’s all your fault. All relationships experience difficulties, but the difference between a balanced relationship and a toxic relationship is in the outcome of those arguments.
After a hookup with your partner, you won’t feel like a …
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