Dating : Sasquatch’s Online Dating Profile

You know what they say about big feet…a huge desire for commitment

Name: Fredrick Bigfoot III

Age: 45 years young

Occupation: Protector of the forest

College: Unschooled, the trees and rivers are my professors.

Greetings.

I’m new to this online dating thing. I’m actually quite charming in the fur. But also very shy. You know how it takes some monsters a long time to come out of their shell? I’m the same but, with a forest instead of a hard exterior.

Nature is my passion. I know, it’s cliché and doesn’t help me stand out from all these Northwest bearded guys. They’re up here all the time, taking pictures on the cliff yelling, like they own the place.

He who has to say he is king of the forest is no king.

I’ve waited so long to get onto OkCupid because I have a general distaste for new technology. I’m not dumb, I know what a GIF is. I just…I miss simpler times. When privacy was possible.

My family and I used to be able to walk about the forest and remain undisturbed. Even if someone spotted us, cameras were generally cheap and didn’t threaten to expose us. Now everyone’s got and phone and wants to get famous by proving we exist.

I’m looking for a woman who doesn’t get hung up on exterior appearances. Humans can be cruel. Did you know my actual name is Fredrick Bigamy III? No one does, so don’t worry. They see my feet and think they can define me by those alone.

I want someone in my life who sees beyond, or above, my large footprints.

In the future, I’d like to settle down and start a family. Times are changing, I can protect the forest remotely. Recently I’ve been studying politics. America needs more congressmen who care about the environment.

And, from what I can tell, people are used to monsters in office.