Dating : If You Fall In Love Fast, Is It Love And Can It Last?

Falling in love too fast in today’s society is greatly linked to immaturity, naivety, and lacking common sense. Because of the expansion of options, the Internet has afforded us when selecting mates, this mindset has found firm footing and its assertion can now be evidenced by many handfuls of relationship horror stories. In a less complicated society, where the pool of options is seemingly limited, such an experience is not only embraced but also met by loved ones with confessions of jealousy at one’s luck in love.

I recently completed an Oscar-nominated film in which the orbiting theme was love, supposedly. Prior to viewing this film I intentionally avoided knowing the genre and previewing the trailer in attempts to gift myself what I assumed would be an unforgettable experience. I wanted to be surprised, I wanted to be wowed, and I wanted to be inspired. The minuscule hint of a love story playfully and somewhat dramatically expressed by the use of black and white photography in the movie’s poster gave me hope for something memorable. The male and female star smile into one other’s eyes as their second loves, a guitar and notebook, separated them. Perhaps this was the Serendipity I had been waiting for.

It began with a song, locked gaze, and a night of bar hopping, parking lot singing, and frozen peas on bruised knuckles. The meeting lacked romance in the traditional sense yet manifested the same outcome. It was the kind of love that unraveled quickly and naturally over the course of a few words, smiles, and small talk enthusiastically communicated. The comfort level lent its hand as the male star intimately and playfully traced his finger down the female star’s notably large nose upon first meeting. Any outsider could assume they were longtime lovers and would be justified in doing so. Can such a whirlwind experience of love and romance at first meeting go the distance?

The rules of love are simply that there aren’t any. How two people meet and the chemistry that brews, whether instantly or slowly over time, is never an indication of its potential for longevity. Moving too quickly and too freely at the onset of any relationship has plagued many couples with fear and caused alarmed in the hearts and minds of family and friends of the love-struck. Where it was once a sweet sentiment to be swept away in the arms of it, it is now badgered with tales of caution, understandably so. However, to completely write off every single relationship that begins this way isn’t always wise either.

Most people dream of that instant connection with someone, the spark that acts as evidence of “the one”, but very few would embrace it without fear of losing it. We’re told that anything that comes easy can and will be lost just as easily. Or if you didn’t work hard to get it then it’s not worth having. The result is the pulling back of one or both parties and the misunderstanding of one’s actual feelings. A tragic ending seems to be the only foreseeable future with the sole supporters being those directly involved.

My aim and objective aren’t to thrust the seemingly blinded couple further into the darkness of uncertainty, but to illuminate the very real possibility that such an event is part of the rules of love and not the enmity of love itself.

As I observed and pondered what common elements it took to sustain relationships, especially in those borne quickly, two things grabbed my attention, albeit subtly. It wasn’t intense lovemaking, proper communication, or financial stability; all the things we’re told needs to be in good standing in order to attain and maintain relationship bliss. Instead, it was the much overlooked and underappreciated elements: laughter and weathering difficult times together. Being able to laugh at one another’s shortcomings brought attention to the issue at hand in a good-natured manner. Understanding that you’re not always going to be in happy situations due to your partner’s choices and embracing the rattling of your cage proved loyalty beyond the good times.

Take for instance; in the film previously mentioned there came a moment when the male lead exhibited jealousy towards his girlfriend’s success. Typical behavior would normally lead to argument and resentment, declarations of how one ought to respond to their partner’s success and a decline in goodwill towards each other. However, she took a different approach. She playfully teased him, which brought about a sheepish smile to his face as he realized his own folly. In the midst of what could have turned their relationship south, she chose to maintain the laughter in their relationship to overcome what could have been the downfall of their quickly ignited romance. If laughter can be sustained, any relationship can have a chance.

I met an Italian grandmother many years back and had the privilege of hearing how she came to meet and marry her husband. If I recall, they met when they were both fourteen and living in Italy. During that time Italy was going through a fascist phase in the 1940s and hunger, poverty, and war swept the nation. They eloped at a tender age and fled to the United States where they struggled further. All the while she smiled and reminisced about how much they loved each other regardless of the hardship. She recalled it being love at first sight and how they loved one another until the day of his death. I baffled at such a love story. I was only fourteen at the time and so my cup of experience was near empty while my cup of hope overflowed. This was the heart of a child.

How you maintain the relationship is far more important than how it begins. Love isn’t the tale of the tortoise and the hare. You don’t get to the finish line by being slow and steady over the fast and ready. Love simply won’t allow you or I to dictate its birth. It is determined to appear how it chooses to appear. How we seek to end its life, however, is up to us.