Dating : When should I have sex with her?
Hey all. Curious to get your opinions to help my virgin self. I’m a dude in my mid 20s, for context. Was on a date yesterday and she wanted to do the do but I felt like it’s too early. When do YOU think is the earliest a couple should do it?
I’m going to offer two schools of thought for you:
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1 – if its just ‘doing the do’ – then anytime. they are called one night stands for a reason
2 – if you want a LTR, I’d wait until at least the 3rd date and both of you feel comfortable with the idea. It should come naturally and not forced. I hate to say you’ll know it when you feel it, but yea.. that.
Theres no set length of time. Do you feel attracted to this person? Do you trust this person? Does she feel the same way? Then have sex. Sometimes you sleep with a person on the first date. Sometimes it can take a while to get to that point. Do what feels right. Just be sure to communicate.
Honestly, whenever it feels right for BOTH parties involved. If you feel like it’s too early, then it’s too early.
So I’m of the rare breed where even if I have sex with a girl on the first date, that doesn’t rule out a LTR for me. It’s a logical fallacy to me that having sex early automatically negates a relationship. I’ll judge her for a relationship based on her personality, emotions, how she treats me, etc. I also have a high sex drive, am sensual, emotional, and discuss these things up front and in the open so we are in the same page as my last relationship was lacking in these important areas. So far, it has worked out well for me. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
There are lots of personal stories/suggestions/experiences/ideas here, but fact is there’s no written or unwritten rule, or best practices, or anything else that mandates when to ‘do the do’. (Not sure how I feel about that expression, but let’s stick with it for now).
One rule to absolutely follow that others have mentioned: the right time is when BOTH PARTIES feel it is the right time. Don’t force or pressure anyone for sex. Nor should you ever be pressured into having sex (It doesn’t sound like that’s the case in your situation, but I just wanted to reiterate it).
That said, all small-r relationships (as well as big-R Relationships) ultimately come down to one thing: communication. You think she wants to have sex, you want to have sex, so the challenges is communicating that to each other. Likewise, is this a one night stand or a LTR? That too is about communication. Oh, and you’re a virgin too? Does she know that? You might want to communicate that too. (You can use it to your advantage. “I’m a virgin, teach me your ways’ goes over a lot better than her wondering afterwards “gee, I had to do everything. Its like he’s never had sex before. What’s up with that?”
Good luck, and as always post updates!
I guess it depends on how much you value your first time. I didn’t think it was important at all and did it the first time I could, and I don’t regret it. So if you value your first time, wait. If not, don’t.
That’s my take. I hope you make the right decision
Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and we are amazing together. I had sex with him the second time I met him. I don’t think you should determine whether or not they’re « the one » based on how quickly you have sex… it’s just sex. a relationship is based on personality, beliefs, compatability– nothing to do with how quick y’all have sex
When exactly do you want to lose your virginity?
Have you had opportunities pass up before similar to this? If you’ve been in this situation and are happy with your decision on not having sex early yet, then that’s fine.
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But if this has happened before where you regret it, (because I know many people who just wanted to lose their virginity), then have sex. Hell, who knows, you might not even be able to get hard your first time due to nerves.
For me personally there has to be a few times making out with eachother before I can move on to sex. Just to see, if there’s sexual chemistry. And I feel more safe when the guy respects my boundaries instead of pushing me.
But it’s simply important that you feel safe and sound beforehand and while doing so.
This depend on a few factors to be honest. I seen a comment where you mentioned this is a long term relationship thing for you or potential for one. If that is the case she will not mind waiting till you are ready. One small warning though, you have no idea how you will be after you have sex. What I mean is you might have more feelings and develop them faster. I learned that is what sex does for me. I lost my virginity at 25 and I’m 27 now. I’m also a guy if that matters. Not much has changed in that regard and feelings seem to move faster with sex involved still. If you are going to be like this, be sure they are committed before sex happens, as in bf/gf. You don’t want to get hurt in the end OP.
Ya man, just wait till you’re comfortable. I’m 28 and have been in quite a few sexual relationships starting when I was 14. At first I just did it asap because hormones, but when the relationship ended I would find myself feeling used. Since my early 20s I’ve waited till I was comfortable and the relationships I’ve had so far have been mostly pleasant. Still friends with some of them too.
Honestly, I say ignore any and all advice on the « right » time to do it and just do what you’re comfortable with. Sex is something you shouldn’t ever feel obligated to engage in if you don’t want to, especially being a virgin – the last thing you want is possible life-long baggage from a bad first experience. If you wanting to wait longer than her messes up your chances at a relationship, she’s not worth it anyway so you dodged a bullet. On the other hand, if you’re ready but feel like you *should* wait because of some societal norm, fuck societal norms and do what you want because life is short and you never know when you’re gonna get hit by a bus. Also, remember that consent can be withdrawn at any time – if you’re okay doing some sex stuff, but not ready for other certain things, then make that clear to your partner and only go as far as you feel comfortable. Whatever you want or don’t want to do is valid, there’s no wrong way to go about it (well, aside from doing things that make you or your partner uncomfortable of course).
How old is she?
The right time is when you both want to.
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Most women sleep with me on the first or second date.
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You do you but just keep in mind: if you decline sex with women who are into you, it usually sends one of these signals:
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* I don’t like you. You are rejected. Please die. (if I liked you, I would have slept with you).
* I’m inexperienced and don’t understand women (hence I didn’t realise you were into me) or I lack confidence/don’t think I’m worthy or am petrified of rejection.
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Women can get VERY upset and hurt if a guy they’re into declines sex so keep this in mind.
Most importantly, if she doesnt say specifically « Yes », DO NOT FORCE anything.
Do it whenever you both want. There Is no timer dude. If you want to have sex and she wants to have sex then just fuck.
Whenever you are both comfortable.
The second I think I’m capable of a relationship for an hour questions like this come up some way
Just fuck her when she wants you to. Then on the 2nd date demand anal. No lube either
Marriage but im weird for it.
It depends on how long you have been together and if it is just having sex to have sex or is it truly for the physical expression of your emotional connection to each other.
There is no rule for when you should or should not sleep with some body.
But I have a few rules about proximity and timing; never hit someone who is not an immediate threat and only sleep with someone who wants it more than you.
You both have to be comfortable dude.
Depends on the people. I’m in a very healthy loving relationship now and we had sex our first date.