POF : The truth of pof.
Genuine attempts at conversation do not fucking matter, writing a mini essay or putting in some huge effort to introduce yourself does not fucking matter, the women will look at your pictures and decide off that, don’t delude yourself, women are just as shallow as every man on the website, they are just as bad as the men sending dick pictures or abuse, their abuse is more subtle, they are mostly ignorant and selfish, its just another type of rude but no better.
By. Throwaway268080
You sound like a charming positive person that would be a joy to have around. This attitude you have about women and POF and dating is actually the more likely reason you struggle to make connections. Do not talk about ‘women on POF’ with women on POF. I’m me, not them. I don’t want to hear what kind of assumptions you’ve made about me before we’ve even met. When women do this – say all men are crap just because one or a few did them wrong – they also run into dating problems, and it’s no surprise. Quit prejudging, keep an open mind, and dating can actually be fun. Keep ALL the negativity out of it.
Downvote away but- there are a ton of reasons why someone won’t answer that have nothing to do with your pictures. Sure looks matter, but that’s not a catch-all answer, because every girl is attracted to a different look. People want to be attracted to their partner, that’s not a bad thing, it’s supposed to be that way. But everything you mentioned- pics, genuine attempts, an essay, big effort etc… might still get no results. The thing is- it’s not always about you. There are reasons girls don’t reply that have nothing to do with the guy messaging.
​
I can only speak from personal experience, but my experience getting approached on POF is like this: first I look at the profile before opening the message. Yes, I look at the pics, because I want to be attracted to my partner. I’m not looking for a platonic friend, I want someone I want to touch and be touched by and that (for me anyways) requires physical attraction. Sometimes it’s hard to tell from the pics presented but usually you can get a rough idea if you’re into, or potentially into, the person from their pics.
​
In my case, the next thing I do is look at their location, whether or not they have kids, whether or not they have pets, and whether or not they have a car. I don’t care about education or job or hair color (or lack of) or eye color or birth order or sign or the rest of the stuff. I look at what would be relevant in my search for a relationship. Location + kids matters, because I have kids and am tied to my area while they’re in school. I assume someone else with kids is in the same boat, so I don’t chase after guys who live 20+ minutes away and have kids because I don’t see how there’s a future without one group of people relocating. (Recently I started at least chatting with guys where this might be an issue, because they might not have custody. But still, it’s a valid concern). Equally, location + car matters. I have no problem picking someone up and doing most of the driving, but after dating someone who lived 45 minutes away and had no car (and no local parking area)… that gets old fast. I grew to resent always being the one to schlep out. So I learned I don’t want that any more, and keep an eye out for that combination as one to avoid. Same as some pets. My kid is allergic. One dude who messaged was hot, and local, and ticked a lot of my boxes… but he ran a doggy daycare out of his house. My kid is allergic to dogs and has asthma. I’m sorry but I don’t see how that can work, so I don’t get involved to start off with. Why start something if it can’t go anywhere? Easier (for me) to avoid getting into it in the first place.
​
I’ve been approached by a lot of awesome-seeming guys, with great pics, and great profiles, witty intro messages or genuine earnest messages that made me smile or « aww » out loud. But for reasons that are important and valid to me… I didn’t reply to them. It’s not their fault, and I’m not a vapid, shallow bitch. I just saw things in their profiles that would be great for other girls, but won’t work with me. I’m certain they think I’m rude, or a fake profile, or looking for (__insert whatever they aren’t here__) but the fact is, for reasons unbeknownst to them, we just won’t work out. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them and doesn’t make me an abuser for deleting their messages without a reply.
​
And yes, I could reply to those people and tell them I’m sorry you seem great but it won’t work because of XYZ… but I tried that. The first year I was on POF I replied to EVERYONE. All it got me was threatened, harassed, called names, etc. And honestly any profile marked female gets a ton of messages ranging from genuine guys to requests for sex to outright solicitation for money/cars/shopping. Most of us don’t have the time or desire to reply to everyone and engaging in those conversations often sends a false impression to the guy that we’re interested in talking. We’re damned if we do, and damned if we don’t.
I hear ya, It does become soul draining. And I bet your profile reads nothing like your rant here so ignore all the downvotes. We all need to vent and release steam sometimes.
Take a deep breath and read your profile again and tweak it a little maybe.
I always change my main profile picture every 2 weeks just to make it different to keep people coming in to look, as you never know someone may just change their mind upon a second glance.
I will agree I see a lot of low effort / validation profiles recently, full of « ask me » « will fill this in later » types. And yes you could write a sonnet but the other person may not like the colour of your t-shirt and ignore your advances. Such is the candy store of OLD.
When presented with too much choice, the mind is overwhelmed and you end up searching for the WOW factor. Trouble is , that happens very rarely and sometimes not at all.
I’m looking at your profile style of dress and getting a feel for your vibe based on what you write so it’s not just looks for me actually. That is when I had the patience to be on there.
[deleted]
I abuse men on pof and a lot of them like it. I’ve been on plenty of dates due to me abusing them. It was good times.