Dating : This pandemic was the final nudge I needed to move on

Don’t hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events in whichever way they happen: this is the path to peace.

Epictetus

Our lives could not have been any more certain and any less appreciated than they were and right now with the pandemic wrecking havoc in every aspect of our lives, it is difficult to imagine that there were times we had the luxury of believing we could predict and map out our futures. Before the pandemic , my life was dominated by far less concerning uncertainties of my own, relentless jarring but figureotable thoughts that left me unsure about how I had handled my failed past relationships.

Did I sabotage my relationships?

Could I have stayed a little longer? Or perhaps

Fought a little harder?

Then came the pandemic and like everyone else, I found myself thrust in a more logical kind of uncertainty assuaging all others which comparatively seemed innocuous.Yet the pandemic seemed like a perfect excuse to disarm my defenses and to revisit those failed relationships only this time with rose colored glasses on. Relinquishing everything I had previously known.

Heck! Those were some crazy great times.

You know how you sometimes ignore the obliterating evidence of the damage a relationship once did to you and instead focus only on the few times the people you were in the relationship with did infact show up for you.When you chose to ignite those small reminders about how sweet your partner could actually have been with the negative elements completely turned off .When you catch yourself ruminating about those days that you feel certain about. Or how your bad judgement can make you come up with excuses of how your behavior could have triggered the poor treatment you received in the relationship?

Then enters the hopeless longing to reach out.The longing that only reflects back on the limits of our capacity to fully heal. Rather than focus on the future we know nothing about it fells more rational to go back to the past we felt we were certain about, objectivity completely pulled out of sight. If only just to feel that adrenaline rush you felt the first time.The kind of rush you feel when you are bare and exposed in front of someone that you love for the first time .You shared and experienced great happiness together and even in the pits you shared the pain. You became utterly vulnerable and connected and there is no other person you would rather go through this with. They provide you that escape.

And maybe… just maybe, with the insurmountable bleakness, they feel the same way too.

I would love to believe that for most this pandemic was the northern star that brought them back into each others lives.What are the odds of a reconciliation you ask? Examining the full spectrum of human behavior; removing the grandiosity that comes with a persons ego and adding in a decent amount of fear of the world coming to an end I would confidently say, Exponentially high.For most, this has brought them full circle.It brought with it a reality of just how valuable and precious each moment is and how uncertain the future can become. So many tears have been shed and many more apologies accepted. You would think nothing positive ever comes out of something sinister but strangely enough, it also took us staying home for nature to find an opportunity to heal itself.

The opposite of love is not hate its indifference, over time, I have practiced indifference but when uncertainty reared its ugly face,I perfected this elusive trait and found my freedom and acceptance.

But even without a reconciliation, I found a surprising way to truly heal.They say the opposite of love is not hate its indifference, over time, I have practiced indifference but when uncertainty reared its ugly face,I perfected this elusive trait and found my own freedom and acceptance. This pandemic created a window of opportunity for a reconciliation but the more I eased into it the more I realized that true healing takes shape in more ways than one.

I have lost a love and a friendship so soulful and that it has taken me years to fully get over. In retrospect believing it was okay to yearn for that failed connection during an uneasy time is ridiculous to say the least. I found myself grappling again for a relationship that had initially left me gasping for air but this pandemic was what has finally made it clear for me that not even a frightening global pandemic was enough to bring back into my life the people or things that did not have a place in it .I am exactly where I am meant to be with exactly the people I am meant to have.The pandemic was exactly the nudge I needed to get my act together.With each passing day, I have learned to welcome uncertainty and perfected my indifference to the things outside my control. I have learned to trust the universe and to trust the place where I am at.To cut that cord with finality, for worse or for better.