Dating : The No-Man Faze, (brought to you by a cat lady in the making).

All these new-age millennial terminologies for mundane life phases can get a bit ridiculous sometimes. Agree? Especially when these same millennials then complain further about how we, as a society, label everything.
As a millennial myself I stress I must, I simply must shine the light on the wonderous experience of one particular label called, ‘the no-man phase.’
Two years ago after my last relationship (and consequent breakup) I got the ‘same old, same old’ script of condolences from my friends/ housemates at the time in our outdated flat that overlooked the city of Wellington, NZ.
It ran along the lines of, “you’ll find someone else quick as lightening,” to be short and brief.
2 years later though; yeah, nah.
Thinking back though, to that same small flat on the rim of the Wellington city center in 2017, I remembered the day my two flatmates (one from Scotland, the other from Finland) informed me of the ‘no-man faze.’
With interest, I listened.
“The no-man faze can be dark and deadly, Hayley,” spoke Kerry, my pint sized wee Scottish lass. She always sounded like she’d never spend a day out of Scotland.
“Once you’re in the faze, it’s so hard to come out again,” Anna continued, though she sounded like she’d never spent an hour out of Finland.
Their words though, went in one ear and out the other, admittedly.
Since the age of 16, I’d never gone more than 5 months without being in a relationship, (it’s a mixture of daddy issues, respectively, with a hint of terrible life choices.)
So, I thought blissfully, ‘that will never be me.’
The introduction however, of the no-man faze in our perfect little girly flamingo themed flat, was through Anna herself, the patriarch and ‘OG’ of the no-man faze. Armed with Tinder, Finlandia Vodka and a strong, independent look in her eyes (that translated to, ‘I can go 8 months of every year without seeing the sun’), she triumphed over every male morsel from Helsinki, Finland to Darwin, Australia. This meant every time she stated, “I never catch feelings,” you believed her, wholeheartedly.
So, my first representative of the no-man faze was a pretty impressive one.
Que getting my heart smashed into tiny pieces.
Finally, after 7 years of back to back soul draining relationships, the no-man faze (transmittable through kissing, that picture of Anna and I is still on my phone somewhere) the no-man phase rooted its sharp talons deep within my soul.

Born from heart break to parents Anger and Resentment, the no-man faze is the younger sister of ‘emotionally numb post breakup blues,’ and also the distant cousin of ‘why doesn’t my Dad love me?’
Sometimes spanning from 2 years to life, this phenomenon’s lifespan is generally unique to each person and currently, there’s no conclusive cure.
In the past, treatments such as eating ice cream and venting to girlfriends was trialed and tested under controlled conditions but no noticeable changes or concrete results were ever documented in test subjects (me, I was the test subject).
So, after 6 months, moving countries and shagging my way through Bali, Indonesia for three weeks, I put away my research portfolio (my diary) and decided to embrace this new chapter in my life as I touched down in The Netherlands.
Now, since leaving my life behind in NZ, my goals, dreams and future plans have all drastically changed.
My whole life is now on a rotation of the no-man faze which includes, but is not limited to: still being single by 30, adopting my children without a father and achieving my goals singlehandedly. (This is why my mother looks at me concerned.)
This vision of the future as me ever seeing the other side of this as incomprehensible at this point, largely due to there simply being no other side anymore.
With the era of time being that of now, (2020) its easy enough for a woman to strut her independence in this day and age without turning heads. Knowing full well this lifestyle was never a luxury afforded to us women a mere hundred years ago, leads me to be filled with the desire to shout from various rooftops ‘hell yeah, votes for women!’

Recently though, a (male) friend posed a very interesting quandary out of reason of concern.
“So… you’re just going to go through your whole life knocking back any chance of being happy with someone?”
… he also called me a ‘cat lady in the making.’ Rude, I prefer dogs. His point, however, was seen and heard.
Which leads me to my current conclusion.
To answer his question… yes, I will knock back as many potential relationships as I like.
Why? Well if there’s one good and valuable lesson the no-man faze has drilled into me, time and time again, (also ladies take notes) it’s that you have to be roughly 99.9% happy with where you are, mentally, emotionally and physically. In my experience so far, the best way to master this art is to be alone. Though I’ve had to bow, beg and scrape to get to this level of happiness, the process has nevertheless been amazing and that within itself is reason enough for me to want to preserve it. Don’t you think?
Though ok to disagree.
In a nutshell, I’ll always be the cool aunt who travels the world, is always at the bar and (to appease my friend) has a dozen cats.