Dating : Chasing temporary highs…

I‘ve been thinking about happiness a lot lately. Looks like this eternal quarantine has got me feeling some sort of way. I think most of us have experienced a bit of self-reflection during this weird time. It’s almost as if we’ve been sentenced to a mandatory state of meditation. Frankly, I don’t mind. Although some days I’d rather not think about money, health, love and the future; it’s not all bad.

So, since he showed up in my messages that random day, quarantine has been a bit different. All of a sudden I had something to look forward to; something that helped take some stress out. It’s amazing how one person can change your entire mood. Ever since we’ve been communicating, I feel a sense of hope in love.

However, this past week something shifted. Like I mentioned in my past stories, his hot and cold behavior threw me for a loop. Suddenly, I felt my heart sinking. This definitely triggered me. I felt exactly the feelings I had with my ex. Lack of trust, uncertainty and to top it off, I felt ignored. That’s when it all clicked. Why was I depending on someone else to feel better? Why was I feeling like I’d done something wrong? We’re not together. We don’t owe anything to each other. So, why was I expecting something from him? I felt like Meredith Grey during any of the gloomy, dark and twisty episodes.