POF : Am I being played?
I started a fwb situation with a guy who consistently told me that he had no interest in dating anyone, me or otherwise. We slept together for a few months before he suddenly announced he was going on a date with another girl. We called things off and decided to stay friends. This worked out better for me as I had started to develop feelings for him, partly due to him constantly telling me that there may be a chance for us to get together properly, and the distance was much needed between us to stop any feelings of jealousy I was experiencing.
However, the one condition I had was that I didn’t want to hear about how things were going with the new girl. Yet he would constantly tell me how their dates went, tell me that he thought she was skinnier and prettier than me and that he had ‘massively upgraded’ from me with her. He distanced himself from me massively to the point it didn’t feel we even had a friendship anymore, but this actually helped me to get over the feelings I had for him and for a while everything was ok.
Recently we’ve grown closer, and for a while I had been noticing that he was being extra nice to me, spending more time with me and generally helping me out. Then I found out that the girl he had been sort of seeing had decided things were moving too quickly, and I was genuinely sad for him as I could tell he liked her a lot. However, within a few days of him telling me that they had stopped seeing each other he asked me out on a date (I would like to clarify that him calling it a date is a BIG DEAL because every time we’ve hung out before he’s categorically stated it’s not a date and he doesn’t see me like that). We went on the date and everything seemed to go fine, but he kept sort of veering between mentioning future dates and saying ‘who knows’.
I recently asked him if he wanted to go out again and originally he said he was up for the idea but that he might have plans on that day and would let me know, but now seems less keen on the whole idea, and when I asked if it was a date he said he didn’t want to label anything.
I adore the guy and the friendship that we have, but I can’t help but feel that I’m being played by the entire situation and I don’t want to get hurt again. However, my friends that know the both of us and the situation in detail have said that I should give it a chance, persevere and just see what happens.
Does this seem like a good idea or am I just setting myself up to get hurt again?
By. Fantastic_Ganache_45
I think you need to increase your self-respect and remove this guy from your life. He’s dating other women, telling you about it, claiming she’s an upgrade from you, put you on the back burner and seems to have no problem stringing you along. This is a complete waste of your time and I guarantee you can do better.
Run do not walk to the nearest exit. As a man, let me assure you, that no man with the slightest real interest in you would ever treat you like that. Ever. No man with any real feelings for you would ever say things like that.
You are sex for him when he doesn’t think he can do better. Period. He’s a douchebag. He isn’t worth your time.
Having a casual relationship is fine, if the person you are in that casual relationship with, values you, your time, and treats you with the respect you deserve. This guy does none of those things.
Give him his walking papers and be prepared for him to go out of his way to convince you he cares for you, don’t fall for it. Narcissists are matter manipulators and anything that comes out of his mouth, is just that, manipulations. Don’t fall for it. You can do infinitely better.
Find a true gentleman. They are still out there. Best of luck to you.
lol why would you want to date someone who gloated about how he found someone prettier and upgraded from you. Have some self respect
this man should be fed to geese.
you deserve better and yes, he is fully playing you.
ewwwwwwwwwww i wouldnt touch this guy with a 10 foot pole. it almost sounded like he was triangulating you with the other girl to prop his ego.
Nope, get out of there. Has all the hallmarks of a narcissist. He’s playing on your lack of self-respect. I’d cut off friendship with him too. As a guy, I wouldn’t treat any woman I valued like that, and you deserve someone who values you. There is no consideration for your feelings there.
I felt like I read my own experience here.
Freaking run. It’s not worth the emotional turmoil.
Haha. Yes. You’re being played.
Your friends are idiots for telling you to persist.
You’re an idiot for sticking around when he was telling you he upgraded.
You’re an idiot for accepting him back and being excited to go on a date.
EMOTIONAL MANIPULATOR! Hot and cold. Pull you close push you away. I dont want a relationship…but maybe…
Omg, why would you want to be with someone that thinks that they “upgraded” from you? Please have some love for yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will.
Honey, unless you want to be the backup girl all your life, get out of that relationship. He will never put you at number one, or even two in his life, you will always be the person at the bottom of his list, even his dog will come before you.
You are basically setting the rules of the relationship and if you are telling him that you are okay with the way you are treated, he will always treat you that way. As soon as he compared you to the other girl, he showed you who he is and you don’t deserve that type of treatment.
Have *you* ever told him that you wanted it to progress?
Whose idea was it to just be fwb?
My guts telling me that he may have been trying to hint to you that he wanted to to move forwards and get more serious before he got qith the other girl and got frustrated that you seemed to want it to stay casual. But thats a guess and probably would rely on you having been the one to state initially that you didnt want a relationship.
But he mught just be playing games to keep you interested and keep you on a hook.
Do you have low self esteem? Not a criticism just a potential observation.
You should be done with this absolute clown of a human being. Cut him out completely and block if you have to. Ending things with you and moving on is perfectly fine in the FWB situation. What is not even close to okay is saying those horrible things to you in comparison to her. That is disgusting and manipulative behavior and now that you’ve shown you accept it he’s pushed it even further and keeping you around as the back up.
You need to seriously cut contact with this piece of garbage.