Can we calm u, jealous man?
At the start, he is a gallant, kind man. But, hardly are you fallen in love that it becomes unlivable. As soon as you step out, he imagines you in another’s arms and your dinners are like interrogations.
How to get out of this vicious circle? Better not to go in? The ideal would be to spot the jealous person before approaching him too much. Psychoanalyst Martine Teillac teaches us to manage a jealous man.
How to spot a jealous man?
- The one who does not trust himself
What makes him jealous: He is afraid that others are better than him, so he is jealous of your colleagues and your superiors: they have things in common with you that he does not have.
He is jealous of the men you hang out with and who look like him because he always finds them something more than himself. The more he lacks self-confidence, the more he is jealous of the men around you.
His problem: He thinks he has very little value and sometimes wonders what you find him. He feels inferior and believes he doesn’t deserve you.
The origin of this doubt comes most often from his childhood, where he must not have had the feeling of benefiting from a unconditional love from his parents. He therefore thinks that, in order to be loved, he must « ensure » and hardly feels up to it.
How to spot it: It is one of the most widespread types of jealousy, quite easy to unmask: it puts you on a pedestal and has a thousand flaws that it sometimes highlights in a joking tone.
You may also get the impression that he doesn’t care about you, but, in fact, he doesn’t think you can give him the slightest interest, hence his distance.
His reactions: You will be entitled to some nice headaches as soon as he judges that a man around you is more interesting than him. He gets upset, sulks.
How to calm him down: Only one way out, to value him. Don’t be afraid to show him too much love marks, He never has enough. Be careful, in society, not to leave him apart. Confidence should gradually set in.
What makes him jealous: It’s your absence that makes him feel insecure. If you want to go to a party without him, if you’re invited to a girls’ night out, or even if you isolate yourself to phone, he reacts: all these situations that exclude him trigger his jealousy.
His problem: He is convinced that, as soon as his back is turned, you will escape. He’s not really afraid of a potential rival, but rather that you slip through his fingers.
From there, he fears all your entourage who constitute so many rivals on different terrains (your sister for the Sunday cinema, your office colleague for the working days he spends with you, your best friend for the confidences that you make him, etc.).
It’s a emotionally dependent. The origin of his problem can also be found in an abandonment that he suffered as a child (divorce of the parents, etc.).
How to spot him: Difficult to see at the start of the relationship because he is very caring, he gives a lot, he is generous, kind, almost intrusive. It works in a fusional way, but most relationships start off that way. It’s up to you to be careful, if he does a lot of it, beware.
His reactions: He needsbe reassured and asking questions all the time. He wants a full report on your days, your schedule. When he thinks he’s betrayed, he gets angry. He no longer controls himself and can be insulting, then apologizes.
How to calm him down: Above all, don’t be accountable! You don’t have to answer his incessant questions, and he will never be really reassured.
But explain to him why you are not responding so as not to add to his anxiety. And, as with other jealous people, reassure him about the love you have for him. It won’t persuade him that he deserves you, but, if you don’t, it will confirm his doubts.
How to deal with a sickly jealous person?
What makes him jealous: He can’t stand you taking your attention away from him. No one deserves to come before him. Seeing you having a conversation with a man at a party can drive him crazy, if he’s not the center of your life he gets offended.
His problem: He thinks you are there to pay him homage. If you are not in awe of him, he does not understand. He interprets the slightest sign of disinterest as a lack of love.
It can come from his mother’s attitude, if she told him too much in his childhood that he was the most beautiful, the best, etc. So he loves himself, but he’s not really capable of loving someone else.
How to spot him: He doesn’t listen to you, finds the slightest opportunity to bring the subject back to his little person. He looks at himself, he listens to himself talk, and chooses partners to highlight him, often beautiful or endowed with a certain prestige.
His reactions: He doesn’t understand, so he has terrible anger. He doesn’t mistrust, doesn’t search (how could he think you’re going to take an interest in anyone else?), But he reacts to the slightest sign of betrayal (understand, more than five seconds of interest given to another than him).
How to calm him down: You have to make him understand that he is not alone in this couple. But you should also ask yourself, it’s strange to be pair up with a narcissist, wouldn’t you be too?
What makes him jealous: He is very afraid of competition. He can’t stand to see a man turn around you. He sees possible deception in all the gaps in your agenda.
His problem: No one is perfect and temptation is everywhere. From there, he considers that you may be attracted to someone you meet, and that you will then want to go and see if the orgasm is better in the bed next door.
This reaction is not totally pathological, though, if it turns into an obsession and he spends his time getting rid of his guilt by putting the blame on you.
How to spot it: It rlook at other women in the street, he himself has the ambiguous behaviors that he will then reproach you with.
His reactions: He can become nagging. He does not hesitate to follow you, to search your things. He calls you ten times a day, just to make sure you are where you need to be. He spends his life looking for signs of your potential infidelity.
How to calm him down: Above all, don’t change your behavior. Refuse to comply with his demands even if sometimes they seem legitimate to you.
Explain to him that if you change, you will no longer be the sociable, lively person he fell in love with. If it persists, quit it.
What makes him jealous: Absolutely everything! A smile too deep at the butcher, and that’s the crisis.
His problem: It is a real pathology. He has an inability to view love in a positive light. For him, in a relationship, there is an executioner and a victim. So he tries to control everything so as not to be the victim.
How to spot him: He is quickly unpleasant, even insulting. He does not hide his game, his jealousy is extreme from the start of the relationship. If you don’t notice it, it’s because you lack self-confidence so much that you confuse possessiveness and love.
His reactions: He discovers your confidential codes to search your cell phone.
How to calm him down: Run away. Nothing and no one can reassure him: he is out of touch with reality. He has to go to therapy.
If he does, you can stay and support him, but be aware that jealousy does not completely cure and you may endure his wrath for a long time before he progresses in his therapy.
Read also:
- 12 naughty board games to do as a couple!
- Loneliness in a relationship: how to overcome it?
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